𝐄𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐄𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 - Joost Klein

𝐗

I wake up, drenched in sweat. Tears immediatly start streaming down my face as I sit up and hold my head in my hands. I want to scream my lungs out as visons of my dad flash through my mind.

I hadn't known him for long, but he had been my best friend. Then he left me all alone, but I know there was no way he could've known that.

My little sister, Lily, who was born two months after my father died, was his clone. She looked more like him than she looked like my mother. I looked more like mom, which still haunts me to this day.

Everytime I look in the mirror I see her green eyes piercing through me. She'll always be a part of me deep down, a part I can never forgive nor let go.

I try to control my sobs as I check the time. 3.56AM. I have to go to sleep again after this. There is no way I can mentally survive two nightmares in one night, but I can't stay up that long either.

'No, no, no no..' I sob while tears drop onto my bed and snot rolls over my lips. I wipe it away with my hands, but the effort does not stop more from spilling. My vision is blurred by tears as I try to control my breathing.

I breathe short and fast breaths, choking on my tears as I think about my father, who made the first years of my life oh so beautiful.

I get up out of bed, and walk over to the bathroom. As I turn the lights on, I look in the mirror. I sob uncontrollably as I see my puffy red eyes and pale skin. I try to drink some water, but as I do so I feel the sickness creep in. A bitter taste enters my mouth quickly, and my gag reflex follows.

I turn around and fall onto the floor before vomiting basically nothing into the toilet. I hadn't had anything for dinner, so it was just alcohol. I stand up, a little relieved from the sickness, with more tears streaming down my cheeks as my head pounds.

I think about my little sister, and how I didn't even get to say goodbye. Not to her, not to my mother, and not to dad. I sit down on the bathroom floor, holding my waist as I let it all out.

I can't do this. I have to go home. I don't even know why I'm here.

No wait, I mean back to London.

Home doesn't exist anymore.

The only sounds I hear as I sit there on the floor, are my own shaky breaths, coming in an odd pattern.

I try to calm myself by thinking about Joost his breathing exercise. It actually helps a bit, and my breathing gets a bit better while my sobs get lighter.

I take some small sips of water and decide to sleep some more, or atleast go to bed. I dread sleeping because of the nightmares, but I'm very tired and have to perform tomorrow. I lay down in the soft sheets of my hotel bed, which are still warm, and after just a couple of minutes, I feel myself slipping into sleep.

...

My alarm goes off. Thank god that I did not have a second nightmare.

As I sit up, my whole face hurts. I rub my eyes, which burns a little, and decide It's time for a long, hot shower. Before doing that, I open the door to my balcony, letting some clean air come in. I stand there in the doorway, breathing in the air with that fresh feeling of spring.

...

After a couple minutes of struggling to get the rain shower to turn on, warm water rushes over my body, engulfing me in heat. I wash off all the sweat using some different soaps, and decide that this time the coconut smells like shit, so I go with vanilla instead

( A/N: Happy now, Juul? #stopthecoconuthate )

I stand in the shower, rethinking my life desicions, before finally getting out and wrapping myself in a towel. As I look in the mirror, I notice that my eyes aren't as red and puffy anymore. Now hopefully people won't think that I cried this morning.