Church Girl | JJK

20. goodbye☆

"You got everything?" Bea called from the kitchen as you dragged your suitcase through Aunt Yuki's empty apartment. She'd landed in the city a few days ago to help you pack up and take you home, back to LA.

"Yep, whole room is cleared out."

"How does it feel?"

"Bittersweet," you said with a hollow smile. It felt fucking awful, like someone had scooped out your insides and left you hollow, echoing with memories you wanted to forget.

"How do you feel?"

"Fucking awful," you admitted, your voice cracking slightly. You dropped onto the couch, feeling the weight of the past few months settle on your shoulders. "He won't let me see him. And now I'm leaving for good."

"Rei you need to forget him," she said, as she joined on you on the couch stroking your arm. But you couldn't forget him. 

"I love him though," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.

Bea sighed, pulling you into a comforting hug. "I know, Rei. I know. But sometimes, loving someone means letting them go."

You buried your face in her shoulder, the tears you'd held back for so long finally spilling over. Each tear felt like a shard of glass, cutting deep into your soul. "I thought I could save him. But it feels like I've forsaken him.

"You did save him. He won't see it now. But in 10 years he'll look back and realise that what you did for him was the biggest act of love anyone has ever showed him."

You looked at your sister, puzzled that such profound words were coming from her mouth. It shouldn't have been a surprise really, she'd loved and lost and was standing on the other side.

"Do you really think so?" you asked, your voice fragile.

"Absolutely."

"It doesn't make leaving any easier."

"I know. But there's nothing here for you now?" You sighed, she was right. In the last 2 months, everything had changed. Aunt Yuki was with Mom and Dad in LA, you'd already transferred back to your old high school, Andi was still in Italy, and you'd decided to not go to Columbia.

Columbia.

It was surreal to think that it was your dream. The one thing you wanted above all of this. How things change. 

An application to the University of California was sent not long after Jungkook's conviction.

As you stood up and walked to the window, you gazed out at the city skyline. The memories of everything you had experienced here flooding back.

"Do you ever think about what might have been?" you asked Bea, not turning away from the window. "If you hadn't had Maya?"

"All the time," she replied softly. "But I also can't imagine wanting to live that life. She's my life now."

You nodded quietly understanding. "Before we go, I just want to make a few last visits."

"Okay, but be back in an hour, we'll miss our flight otherwise," she said softly.

***

You had 3 places on your hit list. Jungkooks Apartment, The Garage and The Bodega. The police had cleared out most of the places as part of the investigations. But you had to visit one last time.

The air was beginning to warm as you strolled the streets that you'd probably never see again, spring was round the corner. A new season. A fresh start.

You approached Jungkook's apartment building, the familiar exterior sending a rush of memories through your mind. It felt strange being here without the usual urgency, without the pounding heart and adrenaline. You entered the building and made your way to his door, the hallway eerily silent. The police tape was gone, but the lingering sense of chaos and disruption remained.