unchosen path

CHAPTER FIVE

chapter five

~ how could you? ~

friday, march 24th, 2018

today was the day, the day i had never thought about happening this early, my fathers funeral. i was only 14 and i was already going to my fathers funeral, he was only 44. it wasn't his time. we weren't gonna have an open casket, we all chose not to. i had my speech written it wasn't very long, i tried to make it short and sweet. i didn't want to bore him. i got ready, i really didn't do much i just wanted to get it over with, my brother had been trying to call my mom but we didn't get in answer, i had gotten my brother and sister ready, kailey was in a cute black dress and liam was is a suit and tie.  didn't know how to do one, if my dad were there he could've. i looked up a tutorial anyway.

since we couldn't get a hold of mom, i went to the only place i could think of, her favorite bar. i hadn't seen her in 4 days. i had no idea why she had been gone for so long. obviously she was grieving but we all were and she was the only one that ran away. how could she? i put my siblings in the back of the car, and corbin started driving, we went to the bar. i walked in through the back. the others stayed in the car. i was known there so i just walked in. "hey cece." he said.

"hey sir. is my mom here?" i asked. "yeah, she is i'll go grab her." he walked away for a moment and came back with her. i stared into my mothers eyes, i never thought i would hate my mother but this time. i had so much hate in my eyes, she stared at me back. i don't know what she was thinking at that moment. but maybe she hated me too.

"cienna." she said. "mom."

"you need to come with me." i said. "absolutely not." she said.

"what is wrong with you mom?"

"nothing, i just don't want to go with you." she looked me up and down at the you part.

"dad is gone. today is his funeral, you have to come, mom." i said. she looked at me. "no! i'm not going!" she yelled.

"why would you leave!? how could you do something like that to us!?" i started yelling.

"i hate you! i should have never had you!" she screamed at me, from all the things she had called me. that wasn't one of them until now. i hated when she did stuff like that, it made me feel like i just wasn't enough for her.

"very mature. look mom. if you don't wanna come, you don't have to. your failing dad." i  needed to keep my calm at this time. i walked away. she grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me super hard.

"wait. i will come." i coughed, "was that necessary?" i asked. we both got in the car.

she wasn't ready but we needed to be at the funeral. when we arrived i sat in the back with my little brother and sister. i didn't want to do anything until my speech. i thought about my dad, i thought about one certain time, he was helping me with my math homework in 7th grade. me and him were cracking jokes, he helped me, we both went and got ice cream with my siblings after. my eyes started welling up in tears. my little brother grabbed my hand a few tears slid down my face, than the speeches started. i went first.

i wiped my tears and walked up to the microphone. "hello, everyone. thank you all for coming. my dad was, amazing. he was everything you could ever want in a dad, i never told him that though. i wish i did, i really do. but to be quite honest, i know there is no going back. so i'm not going to sit here and talk about all the things i wish i had done because i could sit here and talk all day, i made a promise to my dad to keep this short, so i will, dad i love you. and i swear on everything i love i will keep your memory going, if it takes everything in me. i'm not going to sit here and mourn his death though, i just want you all to remember him for his life, not his death. thank you."

i thought i wasn't going to make it through that speech, i didn't have any stage fright, i just was terrified i was going to mess it up. i didn't, i didn't even stutter. i was very proud of myself, i hope my dad is too. everyone went back to there homes so of course i went back to mine, by the time the funeral was over it was about 7:00 pm. i laid in bed after putting on some comfortable clothes and taking a shower, by then it was probably 8:00 i wasn't tired so i threw on my favorite show, the walking dead. it was watching season 5 at the time, i had just began watching it. by 9:30 i was knocked out.

a light shined into my eyes, i opened them and saw my dad coming closer to me. i stared at him. i didn't say anything. "cece, stay safe sweetheart. please find out what happened to me." he asked, i nodded, getting out of bed and walking toward the light. as i got a better view of him i saw the gunshot wound in his chest. "dad?" i asked. he fell over. i started sobbing. that's when i woke up. i was breathing very hard. i laid my head back on my pillow. i couldn't fall back asleep, i walked into the living room, my mom was on the couch. she couldn't stand sleeping in her bed alone. i checked on my little brother, he was wide awake. i picked him up and brought him to my room, he was in tears. he really missed my dad, it hit him like a bus.

"look, liam i need you to get to sleep. come on, lay down." i tucked him into my bed and i got in beside him. he stopped crying and fell asleep, i fell asleep soon after. we had to do this as a team.