dungeon meshi oneshots

My Sick Idiot (Laois x Reader)

(this chapter is more of a silly introduction. the main fluff is in part 2)

Thanks to Senshi's quick thinking and expert knowledge of squids, we managed to defeat the Giant Kraken. We climbed onto the Kraken, per Senshi's request. He explained that the key to killing squid and octopi lies between the eyes. The topic of seafood made Marcille go on a tangent about how good squid & octopi are.

"Boil 'em, grill 'em, steam 'em, or dry 'em, smoke 'em, or eat 'em raw. No matter how you prepare them, they're both super tasty!" Marcille exclaimed. "Oh yeah. And I know a good spot. I'll tell you later." A silly smirk appeared on the elf's face.

"Can't we eat it now?" asked Laois. And suddenly Marcille's grin was nowhere to be seen.

"WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"

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Despite her cries, Marcille failed to convince Senshi against cooking the Kraken's parasite. Since it would be a bit before the food was ready, I decided it was a good time for journaling.

'(3/21): Since meeting Laois and his party at my apothecary shop a few months ago, I've been traveling with them. Despite having a bit of a rocky start, due to Chilchuck not wanting another girl to join, I have grown close with the whole party, specifically Laois. It's been 5 days since Falin got eaten by the Red Dragon, and I'm starting to get worried for Laois. He's doing his best to keep a brave face, but I can tell he's worried for his sister.

We managed to reach the 4th floor yesterday. Senshi tried to ride a kelpie he named Anne, but that ended as well as you'd expect. To honor Anne, Senshi began preparing her body for cooking. Despite being against it at first, Marcille gave in and ended up making conditioner (Anne edition) for Senshi. I took a nap while the pair were working and woke up to a meal Laois and Chilchuck prepared. It was super yummy and had this cool popping texture! Senshi thought it might be from fish eggs. I wonder where they got them... Oh well, now we're cooking up a Giant Kraken! I've never had squid or octopi before, but Marcille said-'

"It's ready!"

Senshi's words snapped me out of my thoughts. I set my journal down and made my way over to the group. Despite being a gross parasitic creature, Senshi managed to make the worm look mouthwatering.

The five of us sat around the small grill, each with a slice of broiled or glazed giant parasitic worm in our hands. We watched anxiously as Laois took the first bite of worm.

"SO GOOD!" Laois shouted with a large grin plastered all over his face. "It's tender. There is a bit of sliminess to it, but if you look past that it's so flavorful and meaty!" The rest of us took this as a sign that it was safe to dig in. As we ate, groans of satisfaction filled the air.

"Oh, wow. It is good." Despite being opposed to the idea of eating a parasite, Marcille seemed to enjoy the taste.

"Yeah, not bad." Chilchuck chimed in. I would have voiced my thoughts as well, but I was too busy scarfing down my portion.

"You would expect it to taste like fish, but it's pretty unique." Laois spoke while staring at his slice. With my mouth still full, I eagerly nodded in agreement with closed eyes and a shut smile. "Do you think it's better than squid or octopi?"

"There's no way... uh..." Marcille's momentum dwindled as she continued on, "I mean, probably."

"No matter how you prepare this, I bet it's still delicious. I even liked how it tastes while raw." My eyes widen at Laois' last comment.

"YOU ATE IT RAW?!" "Hold on, you ate it raw?" Marcille and I exclaimed at the same time.

"Well just a bit. But it was already dead, so it's fine." Laois' words did nothing to ease my concern. Oh Laois...

While Marcille and I stared wide-eyed at Laois, Chilchuck noticed something in the water. "Check it out. The fish are eating the Kraken."

Senshi said something about 'population' but I was too focused on what recipe I should make, for when Laois realizes it wasn't such a good idea to eat a raw parasite, to hear. Right on cue, Laois' stomach began to gurgle.

"Oh. My stomach's feeling..." Before Laois could finish his sentence, he collapsed in pain. "Ow, ow, ow!"

Marcille leaned down to the groaning man, "Are you okay? What happened?"

I crouched down by Laois' side, placing my right hand on his back. I looked up towards Marcille, "That my dear friend, is what happens when you eat a raw parasite." Moving my attention back to Laois, I began rubbing comforting circles on his back, although I'm unsure if he felt it through his armor.

"I see. Thought so." Senshi pointed at Laois before carrying on speaking, "Laois, it seems you managed to catch a parasite from eating the giant parasite." Laois looked towards the dwarf as he whimpered in fear. "They're typically inside normal fish as well. I saw it when I was cutting it up."

"Oh no..." Laois' groans were barely audible. They were almost more like a whisper.

Senshi continued on, "They don't feed on humans, but once inside they will rip holes in your stomach. Well, I guess we'll have to wait until the bug dies."

"That's not entirely true...we could always remove it." I chimed in.

"Huh, how so?" Marcille questioned. Her head turned to the side as she placed one hand on her chin. "Is she suggesting we cut him open...?" The elf whispered to herself.

A smug look rose to my face as my hand rested on my chin. "Hehe, not to brag or anything, but I make a mean laxative." Chilchuck and Marcille's faces dropped, a look of disgust now evident. "HEY, DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!!" In an attempt to cool down, I let out a big huff of air. "One sip of my brew and Laois' stomach will empty out, parasite included."

In between groans of pain Laois managed to huff out, "I think I'll wait..."

"Just hit him with a healing spell every once in a while." Chilchuck directed his comment to me, as Falin and I were the party's resident healers.

"I think I might die first." Laois groaned out.

"HEY, I OFFERED YOU A QUICK SOLUTION!" I quickly interjected. Welp, I guess Laois will be able to see his sister again soon...

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Authors Note:
WOAH this was way longer than I was expecting for my first post, but I felt weird going right into sick Laois without giving a bit of an introduction first. Sorry that this ended up turning into a two parter!!😅

I'm not very good at writing dialogue so I hope it's not too hard to read. If you have any suggestions or writing critiques, please let me know!! (as long as it's constructive and not just straight insults)