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How it felt to be close to someone again.

I had missed the touch. I had missed the warm feeling. I had missed the longing, the wanting, that overwhelming nervousness and desire.

And in the darkness of the bedroom, under the filtered light of the moon, my mind played tricks on me as to who was in front of me. My fingers running through her hair sets my memory back and as I feel my lips moving against hers, I remember her taste, the warmth, the way she would bite my bottom lip and the way I could feel her smiling.

I feel as her hand runs down my front, sending a shock wave of electrons through my body, all I see is her face. All I feel is her hand. All I feel is her.

The warmth breath from her lips, breeze across my stomach as she moves down my body, pressing them firmly into my stomach, across my hip line, into my inner thigh.

It takes everything within me to keep from screaming her name, bursting her presence into existence.

As I feel her lips shape perfectly around the head of my penis, drawing wetness from her mouth, coating me generously before sliding down the length, the flickers of her tongue hitting every nerve and feeling. I grip tightly onto the sheets, squeezing my eyes tight harder, forcing the image of her face to be the only thing I see.

My hand reaches over, tightening in a lock of her hair, but all I can feel is Lily's.

My eyes snap open, peering down to the woman between my legs, whose mouth is delivering so much pleasure and so much pain at the same time.

Lily.

Abigail.

My mind is constantly flicking back and forth between them. To the woman in my bed and the woman in my heart. I was having a hard time figuring out which one to respond to.

"Oh Lily" I moan, silently thankful it came out.

She ducks her head up to face me, a devilish smirk on her face as she wipes across her lips before crawling back up to me.

Straddling her legs either side of my waist, I grasp onto the back of her neck, pulling her lips down onto mine as I eagerly search her mouth with my tongue, trying to convince my mind it's her that I want.

As she sits high, she pulls her hair over her shoulder, smiling down at me as she crosses her hands across her body, grasping onto the hem of her shirt and begins to pull it up over her head.

"Lily, wait" I pause her, reaching out and grabbing her forearm before she's able to pull it over her head.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" She asks.

I let out a frustrated breath, "Sorry, I just, I don't think I can do this"

Panic crosses her face as she shifts off my lap, placing herself on the bed next to me.

"Sorry, Lily, I mean trust me, it's not personal, I just" I suck at giving her a decent explanation.

"Is it Abigail?" She asks.

I close my eyes and suck in a deep breath, "I'm not sure" I lie.

"You dick" she scoffs, pressing herself out of the bed and rushing out of the room.

"Lily wait" I call out, sitting up and shuffling my pants back up my legs before heading out into the living room.

I see her pacing back and forth, holding her hands up to her face before hearing her sniffle with emotion.

"Lily, please, let me explain" I beg crossing the room to her.

She shakes her head, "you don't need to. It was stupid to think..."

"No. It wasn't. I thought I wanted this" I try and reason with her. "I'm sorry, my head is scrambled. I don't know what I'm doing"

"How can you still want her, after everything? I'm not sure I understand why you can't just let her go"

Her comment throws me, "wait? I thought you were all for me and Abigail getting back together"

"And I also thought you and I were starting to, I don't know, click or something" she fires back.

"We were" I say without thinking, "but you knew my heart was always with Abigail"

"Sure seemed that way when you were moaning my name 5 minutes ago" she boasts.

I give her a dumbfounded look, "Lily, please"

She scoffs loudly, shaking her head. "Whatever, look, it's fine"

"Lily, I really don't want to ruin things between us" I beg.

"There is no us, Lando" she shouts.

I let out a groan in frustration, "for fuck sake, Lily. I thought you'd understand"

I didn't mean to swear but I was just so confused and annoyed. I storm out of the house letting the door slam on my way out before I hear something come crashing into it.

Pacing down the road, I look up at the night sky, counting the stars and pleading to any of the gods for some kind of help.

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I dial the number of the only person who can help me right now.

"Lando?" Abi's voice comes through the speaker, croaked and blurry, "what's wrong?"

I didn't realise I was sobbing until I struggled to get my words out, especially hearing her voice. "Abi, I need you"

"Where are you?" She asks, complete worry coating her voice.

"I don't even know. I'm walking toward the town." I inform her, following the same street lights that we'd past not long ago.

"I'll drop you my location" she informs me.

I choke on my sob, nodding my head at her statement although useless.

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