Protected [Han]

5

HAN POV

I really needed to find a way to tell Malena that I hadn't meant for her to see that as a date. I wanted to let her down gently, though, because I really hoped we could stay friends.

I avoided her for the next few days, though, too sad dealing with my own reality to worry about that minor issue. This weekend was Yoonseo's birthday...and for the first time, I wouldn't be there to celebrate it with her.

I hadn't even gotten to say goodbye, and I hoped Lee Know told her some elaborate story about how I'd gone off like a prince in one of her stories who would eventually return home with an immense amount of treasure for everyone to share. I didn't want her to feel abandoned. I hated Jeongin for this more than anything. I'd take thousands of burns if it meant Yoonseo wouldn't feel like I'd just left her and Lee Know behind. I'd take thousands more just to know she was safe. I hoped the letter came soon to let me know...

Yoonseo was turning five. She'd be starting kindergarten in a couple of months, and I wanted so badly to be there to watch her get on the yellow school bus with a backpack just as big as her.

I wiped away the tears that were falling down my cheeks and sucked in a breath before standing by the mirror, repeating the same thing I always did, feeling more hollow and empty than normal, and less like myself with each passing day.

I heard a knock on the door and remained still. I knew it was Malena. I knew she was coming around since it had been three days since the lunch she'd mistaken for a date had taken place. I couldn't bring myself to give her any explanations or effort right now, though. I felt broken.

Once I heard her footsteps shuffle away, I decided I wanted to leave the house. I needed to be alone...truly alone for just a day without this unfamiliar town as a backdrop.

I packed a backpack and threw in enough food and water for the rest of the day and left, hoping Malena wasn't outside to watch me or stop me. Thankfully, she wasn't.

I headed to the nearest park, hoping the change of scenery would help clear my mind. The park was vast, with towering oak trees draped in Spanish moss and benches scattered along the winding paths. I found a secluded spot by a small pond and sat down, the weight of my thoughts pressing heavily on my chest.

Without any photos or physical reminders of my past life thanks to the strict rules I had to follow, I had to rely on my memories alone. I closed my eyes and let the images of Yoonseo and Lee Know fill my mind. I smiled as I recalled her last birthday...the way she'd woken up incredibly early and jumped into Lee Know and I's bed singing Happy Birthday to us because she just thought it was a song for the day and not for the person being celebrated...the way she'd carefully unwrapped her gift to preserve the wrapping paper...I missed her so much.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the water and tapped my face's reflection, making it ripple. "Your name is Peter," I mumbled to myself, the words feeling more and more like a lie. Peter didn't have a daughter and husband. Peter had nobody.

As the sun began to set, I decided to head back. I didn't want to spend the night outdoors, and I didn't want to worry Malena if she saw that I was gone for too long. I walked slowly, taking in the sights and sounds of Charleston, trying to find some semblance of peace in this new life.

When I arrived back at the house, I made my way to the mailbox, hoping to find the letter that confirmed Lee Know and Yoonseo were safe. My heart raced eagerly as I opened it, only to find it empty. The disappointment hit me like a punch to the gut. I needed that reassurance more than anything.

I headed up to the door, pausing when I saw a note taped to my door. It was from Malena.

"Peter, I hope you're okay. I haven't seen you in a few days. If you need anything, you know where to find me. - Malena"

I sighed and crumpled the note in my hand. I knew I needed to talk to her, to explain things, but I wasn't ready yet. I needed more time to figure out what I was going to say.

I went inside and dropped my backpack by the door. I made myself a simple dinner of canned soup and ate it in silence, the loneliness of the house amplifying my sense of isolation.

As I lay in bed that night, I stared at the ceiling and thought about Yoonseo. I imagined that she had a wonderful birthday, surrounded by Lee Know and all of the new friends she made wherever they were. I hoped she didn't think I hadn't shown up on purpose.

I remembered her third birthday, a sunny day at the park. Lee Know and I had thrown a big party with all her friends. She had worn a little blue dress and a tiara, running around with boundless energy. We had organized a treasure hunt for the kids, hiding small toys and candy around the park. Yoonseo had been the most excited, her laughter echoing through the trees as she discovered each hidden prize with more and more enthusiasm.

After the treasure hunt, we had a picnic with all her favorite foods: hot dogs, strawberries, and cupcakes with bright pink frosting. I could still see her face covered in frosting as she grinned from ear to ear, showing off the missing tooth she had just lost the week before. Lee Know had taken a video of her blowing out the candles, her wish kept a secret but her happiness shining brightly.

"Happy birthday, Yoonseo," I whispered into the darkness. "Poppy loves you."