14 hours | lee felix

13

2 hours before

Guilt is an emotion that is difficult to sit with. More so difficult when it's sat so comfortably next to me completely entranced by The Hunger Games.

The life of an idol isn't normal.

I can't just sit next to a cute girl on a flight and get her number, we can't walk in the streets together without being swarmed, there's no way we can be friends without at least one of us having our lives ruined.

It's a difficult truth, but a truth I accepted a long time ago.

I've been content so far.

Sure it's a little lonely, but I have my members, I have my idol friends, I have stays. But something about her. It's... different.

She's different.

I know she was hurt when I implied we wouldn't be friends after this. It's the truth though. That's the only way life can be for me, for her.

God why do I feel this way then?

Maybe it's the way she thinks so differently to every other person I've met, or the way she could sense my anxieties and tried to calm them without even knowing me as a person, maybe it's the way she gasps at every little scene when watching a movie. Maybe it's everything about her.

"Ow."

I feel a sting in my arm. Aera turns to me concerned. I don't think I've noticed her eyes before. Maybe it's cause they're wider now, probably a little shocked, but her eyes. They're pretty. Even without all the makeup and glitter I'm used to seeing.

They look kind.

Maybe it's the way she looks at me through her lashes, or how the whites in her eyes sparkle despite the dim plane lighting.

There's a lot of maybes here.

The only thing I know for sure, I'm not going to let her get hurt.

"You okay Yongbok?" She pauses the screen and takes out one airpod. "Did you hit something?"

"Nah just my forearm was hurting." I stretch it out in front of me. "Probably just been stationary for too long." I shrug.

"There's only like an hour and a half left of the flight so hopefully it won't hurt for too long." Both her voice and face were neutral, but it made me sad.

"Yeah hopefully." I link the arm that was hurting around hers and lay my head on her shoulder.

In an hour and a half I'll be Felix Lee, rapper and dancer of the worldwide famous kpop group Stray Kids, I will be the ambassador to Louis Vuitton, and I will be an idol.

But for now I'm just Yongbok, the person who got sat in aisle B seat 4, who gets to sit next to a cute girl and not worry about drama or scandals.

For now.

-/-/-

1 hour before

"What's the first thing you're gonna do once we land?" The curious voice next to me chirps, the past 20 minutes have consisted of the both of us restlessly moving in our seats not fully paying attention to the movie.

"Mmm, I have a couple house plants I need to throw out. I kind of forgot I needed to water them while I've been gone." I begin thinking of the chores I need to complete once I'm home.

Home.

It's an interesting concept for me these days. I like my life in Korea, I really do. It's comfortable, routine, I know my place here. However, I feel like I'm missing something. There's something that keeps me tied down, maybe it's my memories or knowing I can't leave my dad here, or something else. But that something else is too big a thought to deal with right now.

"I think," my voice hitches, I swallow the lump that unknowingly was forming in my nervousness. "Maybe I'll go back to New York, not permanently obviously, but it felt more like home than my apartment ever has."

It was weird to admit, especially to Yongbok, but it felt right.

"Really?" His eyebrows raise as he turns to me with his full attention. "I mean won't you miss your friends, and other stuff?" His face is hard to read, it's almost like he seems just as unsure as I am.

"Yeah, but we live in the digital age. Nothing a phone call can't fix." I remind him. "As much as I agree in person is important, long distance hasn't killed anyone. I mean you travel a lot for work, don't you agree?"

He nods, but not confidently.

"Yeah, but-" he pauses his eyes roaming the ceiling as if he's searching for the words in the overhead lights. "I mean won't you miss Korea?"

"Of course, I mean this is where I grew up. Majority of my memories are here, but it never felt like home you know?" Our eyes meet and that funny feeling in my stomach comes back.

Suddenly home felt like right here, right in this moment.

"I think you could make it home." His voice was low, barely above a whisper. I was suddenly aware of how close our seats were, how heavy my breath was, how everything felt as if it were closing in. "What if your soulmates here?" He questions, yet again a barely audible whisper.

I don't have any words.

For once I am truly at a lost in what to say.

"It's funny, my whole life people have put soulmates above everything, even above themselves. Maybe I do it too unconsciously, I mean there's a reason I've stayed in Korea as long as I have. If they're my soulmate, nothing would keep us apart. Don't you agree?"

I see his breath hitch, his breathing becoming shallower.

"I believe soulmates can get through anything." He confidently states, even with the quiver in his voice. "It doesn't matter the distance, the time, they make it through."

"Maybe a part of me believes that now." I admit and see the corners of his mouth upturn. "Maybe cause-"

"Ladies and gentlemen, Korean Air welcomes you to Seoul, South Korea. The local time is 10:37 in the morning. For your safety and the safety of those around you, please remain seated with your seat belt fastened and keep the aisles clear until we are parked at the gate."

"Um-seatbelts." I awkwardly remind Yongbok. He continues to stare at me though, did I grow a third head or something? "Hello, earth to Yongbok?" I wave my hand around.

"Yeah, sorry, spaced out I guess." He laughs. "I guess this is it huh."

My heart can't help but break a little. 14 hours isn't an insignificant amount of time, especially when it's spent with someone I genuinely enjoyed getting to know.

"I'm happy we got seated next to each other." I admit. "It was," I try to think of a word that can even try to encapsulate how I feel. "Metamorphic." I decide.

"I am too. I wouldn't have wanted to it with anyone else. I hope you know that."

I just smile.

He grabs my hand, probably for turbulence on the way down. I expect him to just squeeze my hand, but instead he softly lifts it to his lips placing a kiss on top.

My heart feels like a million butterflies are about to burst.

"Thank you for being my 14 hours."