Every Flip of Pages

2

One thing I hate the most is being responsible of something. I can never say no, but I hate responsibility. I find it hard to decline someone asking for help or giving you responsibilities especially when you know that you can do something about it. Yet, it is just so chaotic to handle a responsibility.

Since I was a child, I fear of being a disappointment. I don't want to fail the people around me, that's why I live in this world believing that it's okay to say yes everytime. It can help, agreeing can always help. But it is also so hard to fulfill something that you don't even know you can do.

I bit my lower lip and play with my hands while waiting for Rhys to speak. He excused me from our class because of a favor. Sabi niya ako lang daw ang kilala niyang maaasahan sa bagay na ito. Yet, I don't even know what it is.

"Elle," he spoke. Ibinaling ko ang paningin sa kaniya. He was looking at me, almost pleading.

"Hindi ko nga alam ang gagawin." I frustratingly said.

"Madali lang naman e, tutulungan mo lang kami makapasok dun kasi ikaw ang may pass. Please. I just have to look onto something." He even pouted his lips and clasp his hand to convince me.

I am a member of this organization where we use passes to enter the office. Sabi niya kailangan niya lang kunin ang isa niyang activities na napasama sa ipinasa kanina. It is actually reasonable, pero paano ko ba malalaman kung nagsisinungaling ang isang tao?

I look onto his eyes. All I can see was a pleading expression. I can't even identify if he's telling the truth. But whatever, kahit naman anong katotohanan ang ilabas sa mga mata niya e hindi pa rin mababago ang katotohanan na gagamitin niya ako sa pansarili niyang pangangailangan.

"I'll try, okay? It's prohibited to let someone enter that office but I'll try, okay?" I assured. Laman kasi ng office na yun ang ilang answer keys na madalas gamitin sa mga exam. Nandun ang halos fund ng school na ito. Kung susumahin, nandun ang mga mahahalagang bagay na mayroon ang eskwelahan.

"Please, I really need to get those activities. Grades ko ang nakasalalay rito." he replied. He looked at Shaun who do nothing but listen at our conversation.

Mula pa kanina ay wala siyang ginawa kundi tumitig sa akin. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay pulang pula ang buong pagkatao ko.

"B-baka kasi may maleak t-tapos madamay ako," I uttered.

"Hindi, I promise. Wala akong ibang kukunin kundi yung kailangan ko." He even raised his hand to look like he's promising.

I sighed. Paano ba ito? I have to be careful to this one. Maliit na bagay man ito sa iba pero hindi sa akin, especially at isa ako sa mga sinasabing katiwala sa school na ito.

"F-fine, but I'll join you. Kahit sa labas lang ako, babantayan kita." I finalized. Mahirap na, I don't really know him at nap-pressure ako dahil sa titig ng taong nasa likod niya.

"Thank you so much, Elle. I owe you one!" he exclaimed before running towards his friends.

Naiwan si Shaun sa harapan ko habang nakasandal sa pader. He clicked his tongue and looked away. Rinig na rinig ko ang pagbuntong hininga dahil sa katahimikang namumuntawi sa amin.

"Why didn't you refuse?" he coldly asked. Bahagya akong napatalon sa gulat nang magsalita siya, his voice was manly. Pinagkrus niya ang braso bago itinaas ang kilay sa akin, waiting for me to answer.

"P-pardon?"

"Why did you agree on his favor? You obviously don't look like you're willing to do it." Itinagilid niya ang ulo at tumitig sa akin.

Ibinaba ko ang tingin sa aking sapatos, finding an answer to his question.

"I j-just thought It m-might help him," napansinghap ako ng iniangat niya ang sarili sa pagkakasandal sa dingding.