Five months have slipped by, Milk, and yet your essence remains etched in my heart. Your unique scents, the rhythm of your walk, and the way your dimples dance when you smile, they all continue to bring me comfort. There's not a single detail about you that I've forgotten. I remember how, in our conversations, you always encouraged me to find happiness in your absence. But how can I, when the only happiness I crave is to have you by my side? My longing for you is a deep, unquenchable ache that pervades every moment of my existence.
I found myself at the grocery store, the place where we used to shop together. I, who was once content being your passenger princess, now find solace in taking the wheel. Milk, I am willing to be the driver for eternity if it means you'll return to me. Will you? No, you've chosen to leave, leaving me here, yearning for your presence with every passing moment. The aisles that were once filled with our laughter and shared choices now echo with my solitary footsteps, a painful reminder of the emptiness that has consumed my life without you. The pain of your absence is a constant, gnawing ache that I can't escape.
I went by to the meat aisle to buy some meat for me. You never liked meat, I remembered that. You're allergic to it but you always eat it when I'm beside you. You always said it is okay, even though I know you are literally allergic to it. I smiled, remembering how you despise meat, but my smile dropped when I know there's no more you to hate it. I decided not to take the meat. My appetite dropped instantly, knowing no one other than myself at home to eat my cooking. The simple act of buying groceries has become a painful reminder of your absence, a stark contrast to the joy it used to bring when we did it together.
Our friends kept on coming to our house, trying their best to cheer me up. They brought our favorite snacks, played our favorite songs, and shared stories of our adventures. All I can do is fake a smile to ensure they are not worried. They do not need to take responsibility for making me happy because that was your job last time, but now, you are not here. I can't find a single time of trying to be satisfied. I've tried to distract myself with their company, but their laughter only echoes the void you've left behind, making me feel more alone than ever.
Every walk in the grocery store, I am reminded of our shared moments. The laughter, the teasing, the quiet understanding that passed between us as we strolled down the aisles. It's all still here, but you're not. And it's unbearable. The grocery store, once a place of joy and shared anticipation, now feels like a cold, empty space without you. The shelves that used to be filled with our favorite snacks now stand as a stark reminder of your absence.
When I'm paying for the items, the cashier that usually greets us smiled at me. I know the smile, how she pitied me paying for all the things alone. She tried her best to cheer me up but without you beside me, there's no point of smiling. Still, i gave my best smile over to her because she did nothing wrong.
Walking to the car felt like an eternity because you never failed to bring all the items for me. Now, I do it all alone. Milk, I really miss you. Will you come back to me? I promised to be more independent for you. I promised to do everything on my own if you come back. Just be beside me? I guess not, you went away bring all my happiness away with you. But despite the pain, my heart still yearns for you, for us. I want nothing more than to reconcile, to have you back in my life, to feel your presence beside me once again.
I can't stop my tears the moment all our groceries item are in the car. Sitting on the driver seat, I cried again. There's not even one time I did not cry without your presence. The hurt lingers a little too much. I can't stand it Milk. Why do you leave me so soon? What did I do to you until you left me alone like this.
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"Milk, please just come back to me? I can't leave without you Milk... I need you...." Tears pour down like there's no tomorrow. I know she will never come back to me. All I can feel is her old presence, the mere shadow of her smiling back at me saying I'll be okay. But I'm not okay, Milk. I'm far from okay without you. I need you to understand that, to feel the depth of my longing for you.
It will never be okay Milk, you're not here to say it is okay. You're not here to be right beside me. You went away for good, leaving behind a void that can never be filled. I'm lost without you, and I don't know how to find my way back. The emptiness is suffocating, the loss is overwhelming, and the pain is unbearable. I need you to understand, Milk, how much I'm hurting without you.
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Sometimes I wonder why I cried so much but then I realized because the tears flow by itself knowing the only love of my life is no longer here. You left me without even a single notice. I want to say it's cruel of you but I know this is never your fault. I blamed myself for letting you drive me and it will forever stick this way. The guilt of not being able to keep you by my side, the self-blame for not doing enough, it's all consuming, adding to the pain of your absence.
