It's been one year without you, my beloved Milk, and I am slowly coping up with the loss of your voice. I still keep all our voice messages and whenever I miss you, I play back all the recordings just so I can hear your sweet voice to me. It's never coming back but this is something I cope up with. I've been trying to listen to it less so I can try to just move on like you want me to. I know you want me to but it is just too hard, my love. My life needs your sweet voice to keep my sanity check, to know that I am alive right now because you want me to.
I would have followed you the moment I knew you were no longer there with me, but I know this is not what you want. I started going out with our friends more, immersing myself in their company to distract from the void you left. Every single time, I missed you more. I am slowly coping up, Milk, a year has passed and I just came back visiting your grave. We talked a lot, mostly me because I know you are listening like you always do.
I promised you that I will live my life, be happy for myself. It's hard but I am doing it for us. There will be no one who can take your place, Milk, only you and the scar you left me never heal. I am not sure for how long I can heal the scar but somehow I want it that way so I can only want you and no one else. Our friends asked me to date lots of people but I can't just look at them the way I look at you. And I can't erase the memories of you looking at me with so much adoration and love.
This journal is my way of staying connected to you, Milk. It's a testament to how much I miss you, how much I long for your touch and your love. I miss our nights together, celebrating our love. Your gentle touch, the way we kissed, the ecstasy of our time together-these are moments I can never replace. They are etched in my heart forever.
I decided to be with myself for the rest of my life. I can never replace you from my heart. So I am coping up to be with myself, to self-love more and to wait for my time to meet you one day. I cried a little knowing you are no longer here to share our favourite drinks together. I know you are waiting for me patiently over there. So I want you to really wait for me, okay?
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Milk, having you in my life was a blessing beyond measure. Losing you has been the most painful experience I've ever endured. The ache of missing you is a constant reminder of the love we shared. Loving you was the best thing that ever happened to me. With you, the world was full of possibilities. Without you, it's a dark, daunting path that I must navigate alone.
I am now walking over from our favourite cafe. I bought your favourite drink so I can drink it. It felt much closer that way. I need to go to my car which is the opposite way of the cafe. Slowly I walked reaching the pedestrian cross over. The traffic light is showing red, so I waited for it to change to green so I can cross to the other side.
"Love, come, let's go... I'm waiting here!" I can't be dreaming, right? Opposite of me, Milk is smiling, asking me to go to her. Her voice, her smile, it's all so real, so vivid.
"Milk!" I keep on calling for her, my voice filled with longing and love, but she just smiles and fades away. I am left with a bittersweet ache in my heart, a reminder of the love we shared and the pain of her absence.
But then I saw her again, waving and smiling at me. This can't be true. I have forgotten what light I should use to cross the road but I run towards her like there's no tomorrow. I am not letting her go when I can really see her. Right in front of me.
"Milk!!!!! I'm coming" I was running towards her and I can hear a very loud honk directed to me, all I saw is lights from a car coming very fast towards me. I tried to walk but somehow my feet are glued to the road. All I can see is Milk smiling and I smiled back. I have no idea what is happening to me but all I know is that a loud thud sound and I saw myself flying from one side to the other side.
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I just got hit by a car I assumed but all I saw is Milk standing there, looking at me smiling.
"Milk, I'm coming for you.................." And my world turned black.
