South Park x Reader

Earned It

We've been on Tolkien's back patio for nearly ten minutes talking by the outdoor kitchen and it didn't take long for Clyde to get comfortable with me.
"Dogs are cool, but imagine the shit you could do with a monkey." He was sitting on top of the counter swinging his feet, although they nearly touched the ground.
"Did you bring this up to your dad?" The monkey idea is ridiculous, there's no way in hell Roger would let him get a monkey. I know his dad has been lenient after his wife's death, but a monkey might be where he draws the line.
"No, but I mentioned it to Bebe."
Ah, Bebe. I don't even know where to begin with her. "What'd she think?" She thought it was crazy right?
"She supports it, though she's not sure where I'd get a monkey." I'm not sure either but hey, it's South Park. He continues, "I don't think it'd be hard to convince dad. Janice is the real issue. She's such a bitch."
"Okay, so imagine what it'd be like if you brought a dog home tonight." He's been texting Craig since we got out here to change his mind on the dog thing. I'm trying to help Craig out.
"You're right. I don't think I could deal with the nagging. She's already on my ass about my grades." The school year started just a few months ago and Clyde is already failing two of his classes.
I open my Mike's and take my first sip. Might not be Jack Daniel's, but at least it tastes good.
"Finally cracking open the bottle. I was starting to wonder if you were going to drink that." Clyde watches as I take another drink.
"I wanted Daniel's." I say disappointedly.
"Oh yeah, that went quick."
"But there was two bottles, I seen Craig walk in with them. I know he can't be the only one who brought Jack." I mean what about Kenny? That guy loves Jack Daniel's, specifically Tennessee Honey.
"There's a lot of people here Y/n. Daniel's is a crowd favorite." He pushes himself off the counter.
I shrug and look away. Tolkien has a beautiful flowering dogwood tree in his backyard and the patio lights are shining on it perfectly. Clyde notices me staring in that direction.
"The first time I kissed with tongue was under that tree." Now he's staring at it.
Welp, time for another swig. I take a huge gulp this time so I don't have to respond, but Clyde fills the silence.
"It was pretty awesome. It was also my first time touching boobs." Oh my god, TMI.
"I don't need to know this. I don't want to know this." I look at him and he smiles.
"I'm just making conversation. You've been looking at the tree, it's pretty." He nods to the dogwood. "That is why it's the perfect place to hookup. Chicks dig scenery."
Ew, chicks.
"You really know how to whoo a girl Donovan."
"Hey, I know the right things to say and the right places to do it." He says cockily, with his left hand on his chest, and the right in the air.
I snicker, "So Bebe fell for your trap under that tree?" I point behind me with my thumb.
Bebe has been Clyde's only real relationship (if you'd even call it that). They refuse to label themselves, but kiss, go on dates, and fight (heavy on the last part) like a couple.
"Nope. That was elsewhere." Clyde smirks.
"Where? Behind a bush in Jimmy's front yard?" I cross my arms, please with my wit.
"Our first kiss was at a game."
"Aw, after a win? A victory kiss?" That's kind of sweet.
"No, in the locker room during a soccer game." What?
"You don't play soccer."
"Right. But one of Bebe's friends does. We got bored and snuck off. At some point we found ourselves in the girls locker room." I cannot tell if he's serious or not.
"So your two's first kiss was in the girl's locker room?" I shake my head, still confused. Why there?
"First time." Clyde corrected me.
Gross.
"How romantic." I sarcastically say, which he doesn't pick up on.
"I know. But anyways, what about you?" He leans his arm onto the counter behind us.
"You want to know about my first kiss?"
He shakes his head, "Your first time."
Uh oh.
"That's a story you'll have to earn." More like a story he has to wait for. I can't tell a story that's never happened.
"Aw, c'mon. I told you mine." He whines.
"You've probably told everyone yours." Clyde isn't known to keep his mouth shut, especially when it comes to sex.
"I can give full detail. I haven't done that with anyone. Well, except Craig. And Jimmy but only because he asked." His eyebrows knit together. He's trying so hard to get this out of me.
  I roll my eyes, "Clyde, I don't want details about your sex with Bebe."
"What about the tree girl?"
"No."
"You don't even wanna know who she was?"
Actually, that is intriguing, I will admit. "Who was it?"
He smirks and wiggles his index finger in my face. "Nuh uh. You have to earn it."
Original.
"There's nothing to tell." I shrug, there isn't.
"Of course there is. Unless you're saying there was nothing.." He waves his hands in front of his crotch. "in this area."
  I laugh, "No, I mean I've never had sex."
Silence. Complete silence. Not even a joke? Well, this is embarrassing.
  He finally speaks, "You're kidding?"
  I shake my head shamefully. Clyde continues to stare at me in silence; I don't know if he's quiet because he pities me, or if he's in disbelief. There's nothing left to do but finish my drink.
"Lola."
I look at Clyde, "What?"
"I kissed Lola under that tree." He nods to himself reminiscing. "I told people I fingered her." He side eyes me and smirks before carrying on, "I didn't. Just a little groping happened." He makes a squeezing gesture with both hands.
Gross.
"Why are you telling me this?" The last bit was unnecessary detail.
"You earned it." He nudges my arm.
How?
"I didn't have a story."
  Clyde places his hand on my shoulder, "Yeah, that's rough buddy."
  I playfully push him away. He's such an asshole.
"So, why don't you have a story? Are you saving it for marriage or..?" He drags out the or waiting for an answer.
"It's just never happened. And this isn't really something I tell people about so if you could, please don't tell anyone."
  I don't have an answer for him. Sex isn't something I'm purposefully waiting for but it's also not something I'm willing to give up to just anyone. I want to be with someone I trust and I definitely want it to be more romantic than the girl's locker room.
"I won't tell if you don't tell I didn't get to third with Lola." He holds out his pinky. I roll my eyes and lock fingers with him.
"Deal."
"Have you ever kissed anyone?"
And right back to the questions.
"I don't think you'll like my answer to this one either."
His eyes widen, "Oh my god. You've never kissed someone. Y/n, that's crazy."
Is it really though? I've never dated and he knows that, this shouldn't be so shocking to him.
"Why haven't you kissed anyone?" His voice is frantic; Nichole acts the same way.
"It's not like I don't want to kiss anyone, it's just that-" I get cut off.
"It's also never happened?" He finishes my sentence and I nod. "Don't you want to know what it feels like?"
"Of course." Such an obvious answer, but everyone wants to.
"I'll describe it." He starts to get excited, "It's incredible. Feels like magic, especially when it's with the right person."
Kissing sounds cheesy, but I think Clyde is just a cheesy person.
"Yeah, kissing sounds great." I didn't need him to tell me that.
"Do you.. want to experience that?" He weirdly breaks up his sentence.
"Yes." I thought I already answered that.
He slowly gets closer to me, "Do you really?" His face is only centimeters from mine.
Oh god.
  He finally closes the distance between us and kisses me; it was soft and quick. He hardly pulled away, our faces still close. I never answered his question, but I think he already knew what'd I say.
"Why did you do that?" My voice is soft and confused.
"Because, you earned it."