Light Me Up [H.S]

16

Ethan got up to greet me as if I had been gone for a week. The level of affection he suddenly seemed to be displaying was baffling to me. I couldn't remember him being so affectionate before. But I figured that weeks of celibacy in the name of undisturbed writing was probably the culprit; Ethan was horny.

He spent most of our meal speaking about his work and how it was coming along. I listened with one ear, while my mind was racing with ways to tell him that I didn't feel our relationship was going anywhere, and that I couldn't be some on again/off again thing whenever it suited him. 

"So what do you think about that?" He said and smiled as he squeezed my hand over the table.

"Umm, I'm sorry, about what?" I said, which made him chuckle. 

"You're far away today, Peyton. What's happening in that pretty little head of yours?" He sipped his wine and ran his thumb over my knuckles in a way that I would usually find lovely, but for some reason it just annoyed me to no end now. I pulled my hand back and placed it in my lap. He tilted his head and looked at me with a concerned expression. "Seriously, are you okay?" 

Teenage-Peyton was awake inside and she was planning an escape. Preferably without him noticing, but that probably wasn't an option. Sneaking out of the back door wasn't socially acceptable in your twenties. This was the moment where I was supposed to tell him that I was done. He looked genuinely worried about me, which somehow made me chicken out. 

"I'm feeling a little under the weather, actually," I said and immediately felt like an idiot. I wasn't solving my problem, I was just sweeping it under the carpet. 

He started a stream of comforting promises of how he was going to take care of me, and we could leave immediately. He would tuck me in and make sure I was safe. Nausea rose in me, but it wasn't because I was actually feeling ill. I was just sick of not being able to do what I had said I would do. 

"I think it would be best if I went home. Alone," I said and almost didn't dare look at him to see the disappointment on his face. "I mean, you can't risk catching something when you're still working on the book," I added. 

He nodded seriously with a soft expression. "You're right, I should make sure I keep my health." 

And so I went home in an Uber by myself. I was a couple of blocks down from the restaurant when I asked the Uber driver to take me to the guys' penthouse. I needed to talk to Morgan. 

'I'm on my way over, couldn't go through with it,' I texted her and she added a heart emoji in response. 

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