How We Met Again

Chapter 36: Divergence

Chapter 36:
Divergence

The rumble of the crowd, moving past in ebbing and flowing layers. The dull roar of people, hundreds of conversations collapsed into a static noise. Cacophonous, it hummed around the corner, out of sight -- invisible, and omnipotent.

Yet, irrelevant.

It was entirely drowned out by the look on Yotsuba's face.

Myriad emotion. Like a hail of rockets, they passed quickly, each flaring in her eyes so quickly as to be nigh undetectable.

Eventually, her face settled into an equilibrium; not quite stable, but holding. The way her eyebrows were holding in tension, the downturn of the corner of her lips, the widening of her eyes... I wasn't sure what to think. A mask, it hid her true thoughts with its complexity.

"I... I see," she finally said.

There was a long pause. Neither of us spoke -- I looking up at her, and she looking down at me. Deep in my chest, I could feel a stabbing numbness, an icy cold that was beginning to seep out of the cage where the beast was as still as night. Eventually, I turned to look away, my vision focusing back on the blank wall across the narrow hallway from me.

My thoughts were elsewhere.

It had been four years since I'd seen her.

Four years since everything blew up.

I'd convinced myself I was over it. Every time I'd thought about it since first meeting Yotsuba, in those quiet moments of solitude in the library... the feelings of panic, the hurt, the guilt; it had felt like it was lessening. I'd grown, and I'd been sure that everything would be fine. That if I ever saw her, when I saw her, I wouldn't feel anything.

That I wouldn't run.

"So," Yotsuba laughed. "You... had a girlfriend, huh?"

There was something hollow to her laugh. It didn't feel right. Yet, I didn't turn to look at her. Instead, I just shrugged, slowly being swallowed up more and more by the glimmering, frozen mist in my chest.

"Yeah... I did."

There was a soft intake of breath from above me at my murmured words. A long pause... and some small part of me, the part that was still lucid and focused on the girl next to me, felt a twinge of something; fear, maybe? Anxiety. I didn't know how Yotsuba would take it.

There was a rustling sound as Yotsuba squatted down next to me, and gently punched my shoulder.

"Geez, Uesugi-san, you dog! You never told me you used to have a girlfriend."

My head snapped over in shock to see Yotsuba grinning at me-- and the small part of my mind that was still lucid roared back into control, driving the mist back into the cage. There was a level of complexity to Yotsuba's smile, meaning hidden behind meaning... but it didn't matter.

Even if it was a façade, she was smiling at me, and I could feel myself growing warm.

"Uh... sorry about that?"

"So, back on that very first day when Ichika was teasing you about not having a girlfriend... I guess she was more off the mark than we thought, huh?"

Frowning, I shook my head. "It's past tense, Yotsuba. I had a girlfriend. Not now."

"Mhmm," she said, standing up and stretching. "I see, I see. Good for you."

As I'd thought, it was off; a flat tone to her laugh, a discordance in her cheeriness. I'd known her long enough at this point. I'd spent enough time watching her face, hearing her inherent joy.