Lady and Lord Whisledown

Chapter Fourteen: Better Than The Books

Penelope did not realise that someone could feel emotions that hurt worse than physical pain. But here she was, lungs constricted coupled with the constant feeling of imminent dread. It hurt as if she was hit by one of the Queen's pure gold moving carriages. But unlike physical pain, which would surely subside with time, this did not have an end in sight.

Truly, she felt like a fool. She'd spent her whole childhood and adolescence pining over her best friend's brother. She thought she was in love, but she was wrong. That feeling was nothing in comparison. Then he became her best friend, and now...well Penelope was not sure what he was now. A companion? A confidant? What Penelope knew for sure was that this feeling, this hurt was love. No one would hurt the way she was if it had not been. She was not sure if she liked it.

Here at Aubrey Hall, with Colin, she was living in one of her romance novels. Perhaps her mother was correct that she did read too much. There is nothing quite like Eloise Bridgerton to pull one out of their fairy tales. She was his friend, nothing more. He kept her company because of Eloise and Cressida. She mistook his kindness for something more. Penelope was intelligent, sometimes frustratingly so, but she felt utter and truly stupid. So, she did what she always did when she was upset, she retreated within herself. It was all too familiar, and she was used to be comfortable in her shell, in a bone-crunching, horribly painful sort of way. In truth, Colin had awoken something inside her. Something that made her not want to hide anymore.

What was she to do? She could not and absolutely would not tell Colin about Lady Whistledown. Eloise hating her, broke her heart but Colin hating her? Would crush her soul and entire being. She could not risk that. However, she knew Eloise was correct. He would not love her, and even if in some foreign world he did come to love her he would surely hate her for lying to him.

Penelope could tell as the day progressed that her silence was beginning to bother Colin. She was normally highly equipped at hiding her hurt around him and being the bubbly, personable Penelope Featherington he's known since his youth. This time she couldn't no matter how hard she tried. She felt guilty each time she looked at him, like she was breaking his heart with every moment she spent not talking to him.

By that evening she had retired to her room, unable to take his expression anymore. It was only then, when she was sat on the window seat looking out and noting the bees roaming around the nearby tree did she finally let herself cry. And cry she did. Starting with the pain she had been in all day, then about Eloise and Cressida, about Lady Whistledown, her mother threatening to leave her homeless and then finally about how she had been treated in society. The tears would not stop. The grave reality of the situation finally set in. She cried so much she had a pain in her head, and her eyes felt sore.

As Penelope stood to clean her face and make herself presentable the door to her bed chamber swung open. She was not facing the door but could tell who it was. He had a magnetic presence.

"Penelope" she stood awkwardly facing the wall.

Not wanting to see him upset. Not wanting him to see her crying.

He walked forward with a hesitation in his step. And said her name again. She shook her head in return. "Penelope? turn around" There was evident worry in his voice, as he slowly approached her. She shook her head again. A whimper escaped her lips. She closed her mouth quickly.

With a grumble and his voice low, he said "Now."

He was concerned? Mad? Whatever it was, she had not heard his voice that low or demanding ever. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder, slowly turning her around. She did not meet his gaze, opting to look down at her hands. Which were visibly shaking. "Look at me" She shook her head again. "Please," he said with a pained but far softer voice. She looked up and tried to blink away her tears. "What" he swallowed hard "is wrong?"