𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 | Faye Yoko

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 2: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗽𝗿𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘁𝘀

"I'm Yoko Lertprasert. I chose to pursue a Doctor of Medicine because I know that it's right path for me.." Just the thought of what I'll say in my intership about my journey fills me with frustration. Deep down, I know this isn't truly what I want. This realization has been stressful, making me question the direction of my future.

Seven years have passed since that unforgettable accident, and now, at 25, I find myself managing through the trauma with an evident progress. I see that each day has its own set of challenges, but I am moving forward, step by step.

The trauma from that day is something I still struggle to put into words. The impact of the crash, the things I was suddenly and painfully unable to do due to the coma, and the blurry sight of blood spreading across the floor— all of these images are marked into my memory. The sound of the sirens was too loud, an unending noise that seemed to echo my own internal panic and helplessness. I remember how I've been wanting to move, to get up and escape, but being able to not do so. The physical and emotional shock I experienced was haunting.

Every detail of that day is marked deeply in my mind. The helplessness, the fear, the overwhelming confusion— it's all still there, lingering in the corners of my consciousness. But despite the weight of these memories, I am determined to keep moving forward, no matter how slowly.

I finished high school at the age of 20. Under normal circumstances, I would have graduated at 18. Now, I find myself enrolled in a course chosen by my family, not by me. This decision has taken a force on my mental health, leaving me feeling depressed. There was a time when I once aspired to become a cardiologist. The idea of working in the field of cardiology was something I was truly passionate about, however, the accident changed everything. It left me with a fear of blood and bleeding. The sight of blood, which is widely an aspect of the job, now triggers me with an intense anxiety and fear. The dreams I once had seem unreachable now.

My family has decided that I will intern at our family-owned hospital. Despite the connection that I have, I cannot bring myself to call it "our hospital." It doesn't feel like mine because I haven't contributed to its success. It represents the hard work and dedication of my father, not my own.

My father, Choi Lertprasert, is the CEO of Choi Medical Hospital. He has worked hard to make the hospital well-known for its great medical care. Now that he's 64, he's looking for my older brother to take over his role as CEO. Growing up, this duality in his personality shaped my behavior. I became highly obedient, always trying to meet my family's expectations and avoiding triggering my father's anger. While his high standards have driven me to succeed, they have also created an impact to me wherein I prioritize what others think than what I feel.

My dad is a powerful and respected figure both at work and at home. He cares deeply about our family and the future of the hospital he's worked so hard to build.

The wife of my father... Should I call her my mother? She remains a stranger to me, someone I've intentionally distanced myself from. I have a deep resentment towards her; she never did anything right for us. My mother— well, she's the wife of Choi Lertprasert. Throughout my life, ever since I was a child, I never felt like I have a mother at all. All her care was towards her biological daughter only, Amara Lertprasert, who's now 17 years old. Well maybe, because, my older brother and I isn't her biological children.

To be fair, I don't blame my younger sister. It's not her fault. Most of the time her mother is simply present to secure a share of my father's wealth. Is she a gold digger? Perhaps. What hurts the most is that she wasn't there when I spent a whole year confined.

The Lertpraserts have been forcing me to stay in our mansion, but I've been planning to buy a house— well, an apartment will do, actually. I've been planning this for a long time, and of course, it will be with the money that I earn! I want to live my life to the fullest, obtaining the happiness that I want to receive and achieve.

Living independently is important to me. I want to have my own space where I can truly be myself, without the pressures and expectations of my family. An apartment will give me the freedom to live on my own terms and pursue my own interests. It's not just about having a place to live; it's about creating a life where I can be free and happy.

Over the past 7 years, I've always felt like that my soul is longing for something. It's an emptiness to be exact, I've always tried to ignore it but it hurts. I can no longer recognize the carefree, joyful Yoko I once was. The laughter that I used to give through my days has faded. Maybe this is the sign of aging? I was just 18 when the accident took place, the accident that stole away a part of my life.

Deep within, the wants of removing this burden that has bothered me for so long is awake. Every morning, I'm awaken with a sense of loss, as if a part of myself has been torn away. The passing years have only made this feeling of abandonment strong, making me realize to confront these emotions and reclaim the joy that once defined me.

"Yo!" Issa's shouting have made me go back to reality, maybe this isn't the time to think about these things.

"Let's go now? The lecture will start, let's be smart and once we get to your hospital, let's aim higher!" God, she's taking this seriously huh?Marissa took the same course as me, she'll also plan to choose cardiology, we're like two idiots that cannot be separated. She also said that she'll be planning to move in my house once I get one, but, I'll not plan to let her in.