Midnight Rain; Cordell Walker

viii. cordell

Later that night when Cordell took Celisa back to his place so she could finally get her car, he remained quiet throughout the entire drive back home with his kids in the backseat with Celisa's dog. He could tell that Celisa noticed how distraught he was, but she said nothing about it.

Thank God.

"Cordell?" She asks softly once they're all inside and they're all spread around the house. "You've had the same look since the Davidsons won... are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Cordell replies with a breath, faking a smile to her. He didn't wanna reveal anything to her. Not when it involved him and his life. He knew he could count on her, but... he just didn't like that he could.

"I don't believe you, but... thank you." Cordell furrows his eyebrows, looking down at her. "For getting me away from the Davidsons. It was really uncomfortable, and not to mention, I hated their chili."

Cordell chuckles softly, nodding and sitting on the couch, leaning back and looking up at Celisa. "Yeah, I know."

"I think it was brave what you did. Letting them win." Cordell smiles, a genuine smile. He almost forgot about the stunt he did on his own. "It wasn't hard to tell that you handed her the win, so..."

"It was the right thing to do," Cordell replies. "And I agree. Their chili was gross."

Celisa laughs, the sound sending shivers through his spine. After a second, the conversation gets serious again and Cordell decides in the end to open up. He didn't wanna open up to his mom, not to his dad, and Celisa was someone he could confide in.

"The Davidsons, they, uh, lost everything. Because of... that night." Cordell watched her as she walks over and sits on the other couch by him, facing him completely. "You know, Gale lost her husband. Uh, Denise lost her father."

"Cordell," Celisa begins, but Cordell continues to speak.

"Th-the loss, the pain that i-it... it cuts you so deep. It makes you sick. It's something you can't really understand if, uh, if you haven't experienced it. But their losses didn't stop that night."

It was weird how open and easy it was to talk to Celisa. It was one thing when she was crying on his shoulder after her miscarriage, but now it was him spilling everything on her. It was... almost freeing. Almost... nice.

"You know, their financial troubles. Or their legal problems. And everyone took our side. Everyone. So even if you can put aside the-the public humiliation a-and shame, they lost Marv. And they lost their friends. They lost their home, their-their land. And here we come swooping up their real estate for pennies on the dollar."

Celisa listened intently, not looking away for any reason. It made him almost uneasy, but something about how she was looking at him and listening to every word he said, it was comforting to him and urged him to keep talking.

"So then, they leave town with a dark cloud of shame and grief hanging over their heads. I'm starting to think that maybe, uh," Cordell raised his hands in emphasis and no matter how much he moved his hands while he talked, Celisa stared only at his face and listened to every word he said. "You know, maybe-maybe we're the bad guys."

"Cordell," she says softly, not moving as much as a muscle. "I wasn't there. And... I don't know everything that happened, but it... had to be complicated back then, no?"

"I know. I get it. Yeah, it was. But it's not now. It's really not," he says, shaking his head. He looks down at his lap, his mind running a million thoughts a minute as he thought about how to word what he wanted to say. "These... these nightmares I've been having, th-they're... they're more than that." Celisa tilts her head a little bit, urging him to go on.

"They're memories. I remember..." he takes in a shaky breath and the action alone has Celisa frowning. Cordell can't see it, though. His eyes have begun to water and it was making his vision blurry. "...taking a lantern into the barn..." Celisa takes in a shaky breath of her own, still listening to Cordell. "And leaving it there. I know I did. I know I did it."

"No, Cordell."

"So... the fire, the barn, Marv's death. It's my fault."

Tears start rolling down Cordell's cheeks, and he knows that Celisa is feeling a whole bunch of different things at this sight. Of him being vulnerable and opening up to her. He hated the relief that was washing over him as he took everything off his shoulders, but the guilt... the pain that that family must've felt... it's eating at him.

Cordell exhales long, leaning over a bit and placing his elbows on his knees, putting his face into his hands. Celisa sighs, leaning over and rubbing his back comfortingly before getting down from her couch and getting on her knees in front of him in between his legs, wrapping her arms around his shoulders without saying a word.

It takes him by surprise at first, not being used to the feeling of Celisa's body so close to his, but his body betrays him and welcomes hers, wrapping his arms around her back. One of his hands holds the back of her neck, the other on the small of her back. It comforted him in ways he couldn't even imagine. In ways that he hasn't felt since... since Emily.

Celisa rubs his back, letting him bury his face into her neck without saying a thing. Her being there, her listening to him... it made him rethink all the years of their own rivalry and their own "enemy" status and wondered why it even existed in the first place. There was absolutely nothing to hate about Celisa Martinez and though it took him years to realize it, she was a good person. But it was impossible to get back all the years of fighting and disagreement. It was impossible to take back the anger towards her and the anger she showed towards him.

When she's leaving, Cordell takes it upon himself to walk her to her car and he watches as she unclips Calli's leash, letting her run a few laps freely around his family's property. Immediately, he feels regret again towards the stupid prank he did on her, but he says nothing about it, figuring that it wouldn't have that much impact on her anyway.