February 22, 2018
"Nate?... Ahem. Nate?"
"Please stop calling me that. It's 'Nat'. Would you please just read it how I wrote it?"
"I'm so sorry... Nat. It is printed right here. With excellent penmanship, I might add."
"Yeah, it's one of the few things I'm good at."
"I'm sure that's not true."
"Well, you can't really say that with much authority, can you? You don't actually know me."
"That's true. You're right. I don't. But, I can deduce that you're incredibly intelligent."
"If I was 'incredibly intelligent', I would've figured out a way to side-step this landmine in the shape of a nut-house."
"Do you really consider this facility to be a 'landmine'?"
"Sure. I mean, I've passed this building hundreds of times, but I never knew what it was. It's hidden in plain sight. And now that I've stepped on it--well, 'in it'--I'm just mentally preparing myself for the inevitable misery and pain."
"Nat, no one is going to harm you here."
"You can't really make that promise. Are you always here with an absolute oversight?"
"I'd like to think I'm here enough."
"That's not an answer; you're skirting around the truth. You're not always here. And when the cat's away, the mice come out to play. That's always when shit goes sideways."
"We have staff in place 24 hours a day to discourage any and all questionable mice play."
"And you firmly believe your staff is exceptionally competent?"
"Why, yes, I do."
"Then, how did I get this in here?" I asked as the Gerber Multi-Tool that once belonged to my father slid out from my jacket sleeve and into my hand with just a quick flick of the wrist.
"Oh, my God! Give me that!" the psychiatrist said, gasping. She immediately swiped the heavy metal utility and turned it over in her hands. "How in the hell did they miss this?"
"Tell me, what do you think about your staff now?"
"Honestly, Nat, I do think they're quite good at their jobs, but they've never come across someone like you."
"You say that like I'm supposed to feel special."
"Do you not think you're special?"
"Once upon a time. It's almost comical. I know now that it all was just a tragedy masquerading as a fairy tale."
"You sure do have a way with words."
"I know people who are better with them."
"It doesn't have to be a contest, Nat."
"Of course it does. That's the only way you can be properly motivated to be better. You should never aim for a worthless participation trophy."
"Your insight is particularly clever. Abrasive, sure. Sarcastic, absolutely. But, you have a wisdom beyond your years."
"That really makes no difference. All the wisdom in the world will never equip you with what you truly need in order to survive in this broken world."
"But, Nat, you have survived; You've survived the worst kind of trauma that this world can conjure up. I've read your expansive file cover-to-cover. You've been to hell and back several times. You've endured more in just a matter of years than most people endure in an entire lifetime. You've lost two sets of parents: your biological and your adopted. You've reached the top of a career only to lose it due to an insane corporate policy. The guy who fired you doesn't even work for that company anymore. I know; I checked. You had spinal surgery in your mid-20's which served as the sole remedy for intense migraines. You've been exiled from your childhood church by someone who must've been a tyrant in a former life. And even then, even after all of this, you've done nothing but strive for excellence. And unfortunately, it all led you here. Because, as you said, we live in a broken world. But, you know, intimately, how truly broken it is. Like I said, hell and back, Nat. Several times."
"Well, that's because heaven doesn't want me."
"You don't know that, Nat. You don't."
"I'm working with whatever evidence I've collected along the way. And it all points in the same direction. Eventually, one of these days, I'm gonna go down. Hard. But, instead of picking myself back up, I'm simply going to get comfortable and embrace my failure."
"Nat, you're not a failure. I explored your background using the information you provided; the personal references you listed--they have nothing but wonderful things to say and each one of them rattled off a laundry list of your accomplishments and accolades. It's quite impressive. Is there anything you can't do?"
"I can't keep from bawling at the end of My Girl. It gets me every time."
The psychiatrist snickered. "It's good to know that even with all you've been through you've still maintained a sense of humor. That's a good thing. A really good thing."
"It's nothing really. It comes with the territory of being a Bradford. We laugh through our tears. It's just how we deal."
"Well, you're dealing splendidly. And I believe that here, you will continue to do so."
"Here's to hoping," I said, raising my Dixie cup of tepid water for a mock toast.
"So, just out of curiosity, where did you grow up exactly? I'm just trying to place your accent. Australian, right?"
"Oh, darling, don't ask questions when you're not prepared for the answers."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means that you think you have a handle on who I am and what I'm capable of; however, your misguided idealism and your lack of noteworthy intellect is going to be your downfall. You believe that you're in control. I'm here to tell you that nothing is further from the truth."
"Wait. Are you threatening me?"
"No, no. A threat implies that you are capable of fashioning some kind of defense. But, you really can't. You see, I can disappear. I've done it before; I'll do it again. How do you protect yourself from something you can't see?"
"Nat, all of this raises a number of concerns. I need you to know that I'll be reaching out to a few colleagues who run the kind of facility that I believe you're going to require. Tell me, Nat: Where is your extended family?"
"Northern Michigan."
"Hmmm... I may have an idea. I went to school with this case worker who represents--let's say--unique situations. He's based up in the U.P., Kinross specifically. Are you familiar with that area?"
"Isn't that where the jail is?"
"Yes, that's correct. There's a lock-down facility that shares the property."
"Lock-down facility. Sounds serious."
"No, Nat. It sounds necessary."
"You're afraid of me, aren't you?"
"It would be foolish not to be. You're what we refer to as an 'unknown quantity'. There's no definitive way of explaining how a single person is capable of all of the things you've somehow mastered. Now, we should be grateful because we've all been really fortunate that you're not planning anything that could be considered 'nefarious'."
"Have you thought about the possibility that I just might be waiting for you to lower your guard?"
The psychiatrist stared at me with her hollow eyes and gulped. "Is that what you're doing, Nat?"
"Hey, how fun would it be if you knew that?"
"Is all this a game to you? Is that what this is?"
"You're not asking the right questions. You're so frustrating."
"Okay, then what is the right question?"
"'How do I win?'"
"Well, shouldn't we establish some ground rules first?"
"Why would we do that?"
"Nat, you have to discuss what you can and can't do."
"It's a little late for that, don't you think?"
"What makes you say that?"
"Because, love, we've already started playing."
