Argentine Eyes

Porteña Power (chapter 4)

"Angelina....favor de sentarse ACA!" (meaning "Angelina, please sit here")

Marisa gestured to me to take the seat next to her. It was a week later since my group session with just Marisa and the other girl. The next week there were a ton of girls in the group this time.  Attendance ranges from week to week. One week there might be one attendee and the next week there might be 10 or more.  The amount of attendees also influenced whether there were chairs available or if all of us had to sit on the floor. You literally never knew what to expect from week to week. But what I definitely was not expecting was Marisa's insistence that I sit by her.

There were a bunch of chairs put together in a semi-circle. Some were already occupied while others were still available. I had originally picked one on the opposite end of Marisa but Marisa's words and tone of voice indicated that she very specifically wanted me to sit in the empty seat beside her.  At that moment I thought that maybe her reasons for this were that spanish was my second language and she was trying to help me and wanted me to be by her so that I could be close to the book she was using and see the words. But one thing was very clear in that moment, the tone of voice Marisa used when requesting I sit beside her was more of a command than a suggestion.

It turns out that I was wrong about her wanting to sit by me so that I could see the book. In the coming weeks, no matter where I sat she would somehow work it out so she ended up sitting beside me whether in the church sanctuary or in the area just before it where the cell groups were being held. And when she wasn't able to sit by me, I could feel her carefully observing me from the other side of the group. She would always make sure to ask me if I understood the discussion and made me repeat back to her what I thought they had discussed.

When she did end up sitting beside me, she created some kind of excuse to have a physical interaction between us. Nothing sexual or flirtatious or anything like that. But little things like lifting up my sleeve and looking at my tattoo and saying "What's that?" She could have easily just pointed to the tattoo but no, she wanted reason to have any kind of physical interaction.

There were other odd and random things in her behavior that set her apart from the others.  One example is that after the cell groups there is a church service. There is a church service before and after the cell groups.  Sometimes I would opt to say for the second one. When she would find out that I was staying, she would grab my hand, pull me to a seat in the sanctuary of her liking and in a dominant tone told me"Here is a good seat....SIT HERE!!!!"  And then she would leave to go home, she had no intention of staying.  In addition to talking to me in a dominant tone, she also made it a practice to answer question on behalf of me whenever someone would ask me a question in spanish about where I was from and what I was doing, she would immediately jump in and answer.

Now you must be wondering why I didn't clue in that anything was really odd until much later. I joined the church in October but did not realize that something was up with Marisa until mid november. That is because in the Argentine culture, everyone tends to be so open and loving. If I had seen her actions in a North American context, it would have been so obvious that there was something extra there......a fondness. But because everyone is naturally so loving and open in the Argentine culture, her actions got swept up with everyone else's form of love and expression.

For the most part, I treated her like everyone else and when she showed any kind of affectionate gesture, I didn't respond any more or any less.  I didn't reject her affection gestures but I didn't really do anything to be affectionate back. I had good reason for this. Because I have had so many people come into my life and are loving for a few months and when there comes a point where they don't understand me, I get chucked aside. 

I am one who has been written off MANY MANY times by many people. Part of this is that I am not a person who is easy to understand. Part of it is due to some biological factors where some genetic and social disorders exists in my family. And the other part of it is that I was not properly taken care of as a child and did not grow up in a functional, healthy, social environment. It resulted in someone who is a young child trapped in the body of a 28 yr old.