Argentine Eyes

Ojos (epilogue)

In spanish, "cuentos" means "tale" or "story" and "hadas" means "fairy". So the spanish word "cuentos de hadas" means "fairytale". All of us love a good fairytale and a happy ending in a movie. But just because something has a happy ending doesn't mean that it's a fairytale. In fact, I think that the term "fairytale ending" is probably one of the most dangerous terms in the english language.

One thing I love about Argentines is that they know that a movie or a fairytale is exactly what it is,  a fairytale. The moment they turn off the t..v. and walk out the door, it's back to reality. I get a roar of laughter every single time that tell locals that the tourists come to Buenos Aires seeing it as this magical fantasy land where people eat stake and dance tango all day everyday. Argentina is beautiful but it is no fairytale.  

But the western civilization, the problem is that the fairytale doesn't end when we turn off the t.v.  The image of a perfect ending exists in our mind, like sticking a carrot over a donkey and giving the donkey the illusion that the carrot is attainable. It is for this reason that I whenever I write to North America audiences and tell the story of us, I need to couple it with heavy sprinklings of reality And the reality is that there is no fairytale ending in this story. How this story really ends is with us fleshing out and working out our relationship day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year.  

Montevideo was indeed very special. It was one of those things where the trip happened at just the right moment and as a result, bore much fruit in our lives. Here in Argentina, one of the secrets to getting the full flavor of meat on the grill is that the meat has to be moved or flipped over, not a moment too soon or too late. A good parillada like the "Estancia del Puerto" in the Mercardo del Puerto has gone grilling meat right to an art. If you only had to pick one place to go in Montevideo, I highly recommend the "Estancia del Puerto"

Marisa came by the hostel the very next nite. She was on her way to the weekly church service that happens every 7pm on Sundays. This church plant was yet more of the work of Gulliermo Prein and the people to CCNV. The branch in Montevideo was planted about one year earlier. The church continues to further Rock & Vida's mission to create awareness and fight against the spread of AIDS and HIV. The had become firmly established and influential in their home country of Argentina and now it was time to spread it's wings and cross international boundaries into Uruguay.

She and I did not get alot of time together in Montevideo because of her busy schedule. But if anything latin america has taught me is that it isn't how much time we have together, it's what we do when we are together. She and I have different languages and cultures. We also have had less time together than some of my other relationships from back home. In fact, ther 45 min  walk to the church was the first time we had ever spent together outside of the cell groups at the church. And during those 45 mins, so much was happening between us.

Much like a cub bonding with it's mother. Physically they may not being doing a whole let but it is common knowledge that as the cub is just lying there, a whole world of things is happening between it and it's mother. The unexplainable bond that science still cannot fully explain is being developed. 

There was only one more time that I saw Marisa during my trip and that was briefly the very next day when she dropped by the hostel while running errands. As we parted from outside the Pocitos hostel, I turned to look at her as she said good bye to me one more time and that is when I saw it, it was in her eyes,  That enchanted look that I had seen multiple times on her face the first 6 months of my trip. And just for a single moment, life did feel like a fairytale.

Now here is the catch, I said that for that moment it felt like a fairytale. I have come to realize that every single time I make comments like these that make it sound like a disney movie, I have to back it up with some reality because the readers of this are likely from North America where we are fed fairy-tales day in and day out without end.

Many people think it's so sweet that she is now my mom. But what needs to be explained is that when one has lived their life on their own like I have, you get somewhat institutionalized, Yes we stare at other families eating together, laughing and talking and wish we could have that. But the truth is that if we really want to have what they have, there is another side. And that is that you have to get used to people getting in and out of your business.

Being my mom gives her the right to get on my case about security and safety whenever she feels like! For people who have been abandoned by their parents, they are not used to how their actions and life choices can affect another person emotionally. She was already getting on my case about my life BEFORE she knew she was my mom. In fact, this behavior was really what tipped me off that the love in her heart was of a maternal nature.

Of course we'll have our loving moments like what you see in a disney movie. But we also have many moments that would go on the cutting-room floor of a disney movie too! We are not going to spend all day every day holding hands skipping merrily along drinking maté and eating asados.

There is a spanish verb that you are highly unlikely to come across in your study of spanish. The verb is "zafar". If there was one verb that would summarize the country of Argentina, the government, it's people, it's political and economical system, as well as my relationship with Marisa, it would be the verb "zafar"

"zafar" means to get by with the little that you can. The closest thing to the english equivalent I can think of is the term "I'm going to wing it!" Like when you're about to do an exam that you have not studied for properly. You're trying to pass the exam with the little that you can. A good example of zafar gets used in Argentine culture is maybe when someone is prepared to serve dinner to 3 people in just a matter of hours and then finds out that 10 more people are coming. In this case one would say "Voy a zafar", I'm going to wing it!

That's what she and I will be doing for the rest of our lives, "winging it" and making an incredible relationship out of the little time and space that we have. I'll be there to support her as she deals with having another little bundle of joy from another language and another culture.

And I know that she'll be there for me late at nite when I relive memories of my abuse and abandonment, her gentle voice soothing me as she playfully twirls her hair between her fingers. Comfort, solace, cherish and nurture are merely a heartbeat away....all with one glance of her eyes.

El Fin