𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 - 𝐣𝐨𝐚̃𝐨 𝐟𝐞́𝐥𝐢𝐱

five

✧༺♥༻∞

"avocado toast?" joão suggested as the two talked through the menu, "waffles maybe, i heard they're really good here."

The tension between the two ex-lovers seemed to have lifted after a young waitress had come to take their orders, reminding them that they should have been paying more attention to the menus.

"since when did you eat avocado?" Arabella frowned at the man who she had once known everything about, "i thought you hated it."

"Mm, i guess my taste buds have just matured, it doesn't even have a taste to be honest." he shook his head.

Arabella hated the feelings that she was experiencing, she felt as if small things, like knowing what foods he liked and didn't like, should be drilled into her brain. She didn't like the fact that he'd changed in the three years that they were apart.

"i think i'll get the smoked salmon bagel." she pointed it out to him on the menu.

"that's disgusting. it's not even cooked." he shook his head at her choice, "horrific."

She felt comforted by the familiar grimace on his face, knowing that his feelings on one thing hadn't changed.

After they'd given the waitress their orders, an awkward silence hovered between them, with neither of them knowing what to say.

"do you ever think about me?" joão finally asked, breaking the silence, "not to sound cocky or anything, but you must've known i lived in madrid, right?"

"not often." Arabella shook her head, "i mean, yeah, obviously i knew you were in madrid. i saw you a few times, but you weren't exactly someone i wanted to see."

there was another moment of silence where neither of them knew what to say, before Arabella spoke up again, catching João off guard with her question.

"João. who was she?" she'd wanted to ask this question for years, she wasn't sure she even wanted to know the answer, but she knew she couldn't go her whole life avoiding it.

"uhm." he picked at the skin around his nails, "belle,"

"it doesn't really matter now João, i just want to know." Arabella shook her head at him, "what? it's not like i'm going to break up with you."

"i don't even know. we'd just been messaging on instagram for a few months, nothing bad, and then one day she asked if i wanted to meet up. i don't really know how it got from there to her being in my bed." he admitted, "i don't even think i was attracted to her, i just wanted a bit of attention."

"don't say that." she scoffed at his words, "don't make it out that you did it because i wasn't giving you enough attention. you had all of my attention, all of the time."

joão ran his tongue across his front teeth, he hadn't meant for his words to come out that way. he hadn't intended to upset the girl that he still cared deeply about.

"that's, fuck, that's not what i meant belle. it was something new, something i'd never felt before, i dunno, i guess i liked the feeling of sneaking around. liked the risk."

"you enjoyed going behind my back?" Arabellas face flushed red, as she tried to avoid making eye contact with João.

"Belle. Arabella," João reached across the table for her hand, only making slight contact with her before she jerked her hand away from his. "It really wasn't about you, you did nothing wrong,"

"I know i did nothing wrong." she rolled her eyes at him, "you're the only one at fault for our break up. Only you."

"I know, I know." João had never felt as ashamed as he did now, he'd never actually had to face up to his mistakes, but being face to face with the girl he'd hurt made him realise how badly he'd ruined things between them.

"I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with you." her eyes started to fill with tears as she spoke, "you fucking dick. you threw everything away, for what?"

"don't cry, please."

As angry as Arabella was, there was something strangely comforting about the way João was speaking to her. Something in the tone of his voice making her want to just be wrapped up in his arms.

"I would have never done that to you."

༺♥༻

As Arabella laid in bed, her skin crawled with the thought that someone else had been pleasing her boyfriend during their relationship. Her mind raced as she thought back to all the times that he'd turned down her sexual advances. Making her question if he was going home to someone else after leaving her house.

JOAOFELIX79

i need to ask u something.
𝟕:𝟓𝟐 𝐩𝐦

i cant get it out of my head
𝟕:𝟓𝟐 𝐩𝐦

???
𝟖.𝟏𝟑 𝐩𝐦

how long did it last
𝟖.𝟏𝟒 𝐩𝐦

huh?
𝟗.𝟒𝟓 𝐩𝐦

are you ignoring me?
𝟗.𝟒𝟖 𝐩𝐦

you're posting to your story but
you can't respond??
𝟗.𝟒𝟗 𝐩𝐦

i was sort of busy
𝟗.𝟓𝟔 𝐩𝐦

call me.
𝟗.𝟓𝟕 𝐩𝐦

"joão?" Arabella spoke into her phone, "what are you so busy with at 9 o'clock at night?"

"sorry, it was nothing. i was at dinner with some friends." he replied, clearly trying to shoo someone away on his end of the line.

she couldn't make out everything he was saying, but he caught the end of his sentence, when he told whoever it was that he was 'trying to talk to someone important.'

she didn't feel very important.

"i just need to know something. because i can't sleep." she bit on her nail, thinking back to their earlier conversation.

"do you need me to get you something?" joão asked, "what is it? tell me."

"uhm. joão. did you ever turn me down so that you could, uh, you know, do it with her instead?" Arabella sat up from her position on her bed, playing with the straps on her top.

"no. i promise. it only went that far once." he let out a deep breath. "fuck off."

"what?" Arabella was shocked at his sudden change in tone, "did you just tell me to fuck off?"

"no, no, shit, no. i wasn't talking to you. i swear." he cleared his throat, "can i call you back in fifteen minutes, i'm on my way home."

"mhm."