Hospitals, the groans of patients, busy chatterings of doctors and nurses, sighs and cries of the loved ones, injections, cannulas, antibiotics and therapies. These were all the keywords of my life.
The hospital and it's surroundings were a part of my daily life now. I was so used to wearing the hospital gown that wearing civil clothes felt foreign to me.
I could smell the medicines more often than smelling fresh air. Enjoying fresh air was a rarity for me.
No, I wasn't caged. I was just too sick to even go out sometimes.
Park Sujin. That's what my parents named me. It has a glorious meaning of 'long life'.
My parents had named me Sujin because they wanted a long, healthy life for me.
But look at me nineteen years later, npt at all going according to meaning of the name as I laid down on the hospital bed ever so often, battling stage two leukemia.
I stared at the ceiling everyday, as there was no windows on the tiny hospital room which I met often.
Counting my days while staring at the ceiling was the only thing to do for me at some point.
Once I got discharged, i could go home. But I had to come back every month, sometimes week, because i just couldn't say healthy for a longer time.
They wouldn't even get me admitted permanently cause apparently that wasn't the right thing to do.
Mostly cancer patients want to win the battle. They want to bag the trophy of the survivals. But in my case, I couldn't say it's the same.
I didn't have any wills of living. I wanted to vanish from thus cruel, selfish world.
I wanted to go somewhere where my dad and stepmother wouldn't shout at me for being a burden and for spending all their money on useless treatments.
People who want to survive cancer have a reason to live for. As for me, I had none. I felt like a stranger at my own house.
They would let me visit my mother and my brother only once a month. That one day used to be the day I looked forward to.
But now it has gotten to this level that I didn't even want to live for that one day.
I also didn't make any efforts on trying to survive. For me, death was an escape.
So I let the cancer grip onto me, hard and tight, wishing it would eat me up faster than it already did.
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Fading Petals || Kth
Romance"Even in the shadow of death, their love was a beacon of hope."
