After Last Night | Chilumi

Chapter 06: A fragmented Lumine

My heart stopped when I saw the two lines on the pregnancy test yesterday morning. I thought my life would end right then and there, and that I had no salvation left. After that first blow to my morale, I thought about my situation for hours: while I showered, while I ate my three meals of the day, while I walked silently around the house, and especially while I had my eyes glued to the ceiling before bed. I was supposed to go to work that same morning, but I had slept so little and felt so sick to my stomach that I kept using that as an excuse to disappear for those days. Anyway, my "role" in that place was not as important as it should have been. Guilt? None. Every tiny excuse I could use to escape from my mother and that stupid company was always welcome.

The day after taking the first pregnancy test, I took the second one: exactly the same situation, but the result, to my relief and surprise, was totally different. A single line appeared on the test when I got up from the floor after the five minutes the instructions indicated had passed. I still hadn't figured out what the hell was happening with my body. I still had no clear answer and continued to be confused by a feeling that even I myself couldn't decipher. On one hand, I was relieved that the result of that test was different; on the other hand, I was terrified that it wasn't the correct answer.

I left the bathroom with the test in my hand and, instead of throwing it to the ground and kicking it like the first one, I wrapped it in a napkin and hid it where Yoimiya couldn't find it: my bag. Soon after, I thought it was stupid to keep it, but I needed it to remind myself that I still had to free myself from my doubts by taking the last test I bought. I stared at the clock longer than I would have liked when the evening fell, waiting for Yoi to return home. I had no intention of confessing what was happening to me, but I urgently needed to stop thinking so much in solitude; with Yoimiya, I could talk nonsense and watch chick-flick movies without having to use my brain.

I heard footsteps approaching the door around five in the afternoon, but no one opened it. I remained lying on the floor, thinking it was my friend and that she would soon enter the house. However, the doorbell brought me out of my thoughts.

"Who is it?" I asked, my body still lying on the floor.

"Lumine?" I recognized his voice almost instantly. "It's me... Childe."

I got up from the floor and walked to the door, but none of my muscles even flinched when I got there. I stared at a fixed point on the dark wood, as if I was still questioning the idea of even opening it a crack. I didn't want to do it, but now I had an obligation pushing me to grab the handle and think twice.

"What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you," he replied.

"You and I have nothing to talk about."

"Lumine, I've been trying to contact you for a long time. Please, open the door." I closed my eyes tightly when I felt the pressure of the wood being pushed toward me in my hands. I guessed he was desperate from the agitated tone of his voice. I looked at the living room clock, which read 5:21 PM. Yoimiya would arrive at any moment and I didn't want the situation to become incredibly awkward... much less having to explain it to either of them. I silently prayed for this nonsense to end soon and I opened the door, hoping that Childe wouldn't look me directly in the eyes. Instead, as soon as I managed to see him, his entire body lunged at me. He held me tightly as I felt his crash against my head.

It was a strange mix of feelings to have him back by my side: anger, hatred, relief, sadness, resentment, and an uncontrollable urge to cry on his chest. However, I tried to contain that avalanche of emotions and attempted to separate him from me by placing my hands on his torso.

"Childe."

"I'm sorry..." he pulled away from me. "Did you read my letter?"

I took a few seconds to examine him before responding: judging by his attire, it seemed he had just left work. His white shirt looked surprisingly looser than usual. He wasn't wearing the harness that only I knew he wore under his clothes. Dark pants, dress shoes, black gloves and his dull eyes. The rest remained the same. His tie was hanging out of his pocket, as if he had taken it off before I opened the door. He leaned and stared at me, expressionless.