If I Go

Chapter 1

Troyes P.O.V 

 I walked into the dimly lit clinic room and sat down on the hospital bed. Despite going to the clinic every 2 months, my legs were still trembling in fear. Its not the doctors, that scare me, or the equipment scattered around the room, its the news that I might be told. Other than a doctor telling me I have cancer, I haven't been told any really tragic news, but still the possibilities of being told something absolutely terrifying run through my mind whenever I step into into the depressing all white room. "Troye? Hi! Im nurse Janice, and I will be taking care of you for the week while you are in the hospital," I shyly nodded and went along with whatever she said. 

 After getting hooked up into the IV and getting my blood tested, I reached down into my backpack and grabbed my laptop. "Hey honey? Me and your father are going to go down to the vending machine and see if they have some snacks, would you like some?" "No thanks mom," I said. I put my headphone into my computer and started to scroll through tumblr and reblog things here and there but I quickly got bored of scrolling through endless gifs and text post so I set my laptop down and slowly drifted off into a sleep. I woke up to the sound of sobbing and quickly shot up and looked around until I saw my mom crying into my dads chest, as he rubbed circles into her lower back. My mom slowly looked up at me and you could practically hear my heart shatter.I hated seeing my mom like this.

 Her eyes we red, her cheeks were flushed, and there was fresh tears, and dried tears all along her face. The nurse looked over at me and cleared her voice. "So Troye. Um, well we have your test results back and it seems to show that your life span will only last about 4 months," and right after she said that I looked at her in disbelief. At this point tears were flooding down my cheeks, and all types of emotion was flooding my body. I shook my head in disbelief and let out a quiet whimper. 

 After a couple hours, I started to drift back asleep with my mom and dads by my side, rubbing circles into the top of my hand. After they were sure I was asleep, she called my siblings Tyde, Sage, and Steele and told them to drive up here as soon as possible. My sleep was interrupted when a nurse came into my room to wake me up. They quickly changed the IV medicine and was on her way. And everything seemed to go this way for the next 6 days that I was here. 

 On the last day, they unhooked me from all the medicine, and packed up all there things. I was more than happy to say goodbye to the confined space I was in for the week, and slowly crawled out of the bed. The car ride home was very quiet. But it wasn't comfortable silence. They all knew my condition I was in, and that was all that was flooding their minds which created a depressing atmosphere. 

 When they got home everyone but myself was downstairs. I ran upstairs and sat against my bed with my face covered up by my hands to muffle my crying. After hundreds of tears later I walked into the bathroom. I then stripped myself from my clothing and stepped into the scorching hot shower and pressed my back against the cold shower wall. I then grabbed the shampoo bottle and started to massage it into my head.

After rinsing my hair, I stayed in the shower for about 10 more minutes appreciating my isolated state. I slowly realized that I had to get out sometime, so I turned the shower off and tied a towel around my waste. I dragged my feet over to my dresser, to change into a black jumper and sweatpants. After throwing myself on my bed I crawled underneath my covers and got my phone. I stayed just doing that for an hour or so until I heard shouting coming from downstairs. 

 "Troye Sivan come down here right now!" My mom shouted. I pulled myself out of bed to see two angry parents staring at my from the top of the stairs. "What is this?" she said with a stern voice. I walked down the stairs to see both of them holding my report card. "M-my report card mom" I said with obvious fear in his voice. Next, I heard a sigh come from my dad.