-Dr. Ibarra Travis Davidson, Psy. D. 2.0-
I have tons of questions in mind regarding to this one thing that I never experienced, love. It was ironic for a psychologist like me to be extremely confused over a single thing that was existing for God knows how long. I thought I will find the answers in a single thick book in a place called "library" but I was wrong. I never thought that the answer would be a 5'9 figure with a straight and long dark hair with a modern fashion style matching the expensive grayish McLaren that she always bring with her. And the place was far away from the said "library". It was a loud place accompanied with various colors of lights that goes off and on and a not so big spot in the corner filled with different alcoholic drinks and people with different agendas. It was literally far away from the silent and peaceful library.
Simula nong nagsimula akong pagmasdan at pag-aralan ang kaniyang mga galaw, simula nong binigyan ko ng pagkakataon ang sarili kong mag laan ng araw para makasama s'ya, simula nong hinayaan kong hilahin n'ya ako kahit saan man s'ya magpunta, simula nong nahuli ko ang sarili na nakangiti habang pinagmamasdan s'yang tumatawa, simula nong nahuli ko ang sarili kong naiinip na naghihintay sa bawat tawag n'ya, simula nong napagtanto ko na hindi mabubuo ang araw ko kapag hindi ko s'ya nakita o marinig man lang ang boses n'ya, at simula nong hinayaan ko ang sarili kong mahulog sa kanya, dun palang, alam ko nang nahanap ko na ang kasagutan.
All of the sudden, I felt that my world resolves around her. She suddenly became the reason why I often smile and why I feel at peace. It's just her and her every actions that makes me feel relieved, contented, and most importantly healed. I never felt this much affection for anyone until she entered my life.
The second encounter made me think that it will be chaotic just like the last one. But in the most chaotic and crowded place, I found myself locked in her arms. Fragile, vulnerable and weak. I let her see me in that kind of situation because I have no strength to pretend that I still can be brave.
Flashback
Maliwanag ang buwan at mapayapa ang paligid. Ramdam ko ang pagdampi ng malamig na hangin sa balat ko at rinig ko ang mga tunog ng sasakyang dumadaan sa tabi ko. Hindi ko pinansin ang mga tingin na binabato sa akin ng mga nakakasalubong ko. Sino ba namang hindi magtatakha kapag naka kita ka ng isang taong parang weirdong naglalakad ng nakayuko at walang pakialam kung may mabubunggo ba ito. Well I don't care. Because right now, nothing hurts more than losing one of the most important person in my life. My tears slowly fell down as I reminisce the moments I've had with Lolo when he was still alive. It hurts me to think that I will no longer be having my best buddy around. I will no longer have someone to listen to my random rants and will give me advice when I'm suffering in some phrases in my life. I really miss him so much. I felt like he took the other half of me with him when he passed away.
Kakalakad ko, hindi ko na realize na my feet lead me in front of this tall glass door. In my position, the off and on lights inside can clearly be seen. I wasn't thinking right, hinayaan ko lang na dalhin ako ng mga paa ko kung saan ako nito gustong dalhin. And I found myself finishing my sixth bottle of beer while sitting on the stool leaning my back on the counter behind me. Nilipat ko ang tingin ko sa dancefloor kung saan napakaraming tao. Some are dancing and enjoying their selves, some are hugging and kissing, and some are probably flirting. Samantalang ako dito sa tabi mukhang tanga na akala mo'y teenager dealing with the painful breakup. Natulala nalang ako sa sobrang kalasingan at biglang umiyak nang maalala ko ang rason bakit ako nandito. I covered my face with my hands and kept on crying like a lost child who lost his mother in the mall. I probably look stupid here but I don't care, I'm breaking right now and it's too painful to care for anyone's opinion.
After 30 minutes of crying, I pulled out the handkerchief that I always bring everywhere. The one "that" girl from the beach gave me. If you ask why, well baka kasi magkrus nanaman ang landas namin (na huwag naman sana), ay maibalik ko ito sakanya. Baka utang na loob ko pa'to mahirap na. I was busy wiping my tears when I heard a woman's voice behind me.
"Hey, panyo ko ba yan?" Masungit na tanong nito. "Please miss, I'm not in a mood para makipag usap ngayon. Tyaka, it's impossible since this handkerchief was own by that one annoying woman I met at the beach when I was trying to have a nice vacation. The world would be so little if I would meet her here." Balik ko naman sakanya. I heard her chuckle. "Well "Mr. Blind" I'm pretty sure na akin yan. Look at the initials. It's Y.C.C which means, Yeri Cassandra Castro." My world suddenly stopped spinning when I heard that name, again. I turned around and....
Fuck it's her! It's her again! I shouted inside my head.
Magsasalita sana ulit s'ya pero itinikom n'ya ang bibig n'ya at kunot-noong nagtanong. "Are you crying?" She asked. Her voice is so soft and comforting that I immediately broke down. I know I definitely look so fucked up crying in front of a stranger but, we met twice na so I wouldn't say that she's still a stranger. Or is she? Nang makita n'ya akong umiiyak pagkatapos n'yang tanungin, ay agad s'yang lumapit sa tabi ko at niyakap ako. Aaminin kong I was taken aback by her action but I gave in. She put my head on her chest and placed her chin on my head. She caress my back and keeps on whispering comforting words like, "Shh, it's alright it will be okay I'm here." And "Go, let it all out."
I know it might sound crazy, but I felt comfort in her arms and peace in her voice. Amidst of the chaotic, painful and loud world, I found my tranquility in her arms, healing in her touch, and silence in her voice. I this normal to feel for a stranger?
End of flashback
After that night, everything became better. We exchanged numbers and socials, and after months of getting to know each other and hanging out, we ended up sitting on the sand watching the sun as it's starting to set. Hearts beating at the same pace, minds thinking of the same thing, and feelings longing to be said.
Flashback
"I have something to tell you" Sabay naming pagbasag ng katahimikan. "Uhm, sige na mauna kana." She offered shyly. "Uh-uh, ladies first." I declined and playfully gestured my hand. "Eh kung sabay nalang kaya tayo?" She commanded and I just nodded. "Okay I'm gonna count to three. One two th-" I cutted her off. "Wait! After three of three talaga?" "Tanga after three!" She irritatedly answered. I just chuckled and she continues. "Okay last na'to. One two three!"
"I love you!" "Mahal kita!" Sabay naming sabi.
Everything became quiet. Nakatitig lang kami pareho sa aming mga mata. She moved closer, she held my face and I pulled her waist grabbing her closer. We stared at each other for minutes until our eyes reach each other's lips. Wala na kaming sinayang pang oras at isinara na ang agwat sa pagitan namin.
And there you have it. Holding the love of your life under the moonlight while sitting on the sand was everything anyone could ever ask for. I can't believe that this stranger, is finally mine.
Here we are, staying strong and standing proudly. Its been five years since we decided to be brave and took the biggest risk life has to offer. And I can't be more proud because here we are, not hoping but making sure that we will stay together until the end.
And again, I'm Dr. Ibarra Travis Davidson, Atty. Yeri Cassandra Castro's lifetime partner.
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I apologize for the wrong grammar and incorrect spellings you might find. Thank you!
-Someone
