understand

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I would rather choke my words in silence then allow you to see me in any state of weakness, insecurity, the process of expressing discomfort, leading to blockage, incomprehension and inconsistency in understanding the function of emotions causing a lot of internal suffering without being able to understand why, or  Possessing, the process of satisfaction through the likely pursuit of dehumanizing the likely person aims to obtain the desired abstract or concrete things. They are my thoughts eating away at me. I feel them every day. I look at her features. I want to be freed from this endless cycle of routine, to get rid of my skin. And I am born again pure and pure. Some say that the pomegranate was the true apple of Eve, the date of the womb. I was eating my way to destruction to taste you. You are already written on my body.

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I was returning to my apartment, and I saw her waiting for me. I greeted her and entered my apartment. She was there, feeling her smell all over the place. She kept looking at me with strange looks. I asked her what was the problem.
"why are you late?".
"I was in the company".
"But when I called them, they told me that you left two hours ago".
"I was with my friends".
"I know, But why didn't you tell me this from the beginning?".
"I forgot to mention this thing...", I was surprised how does she knew that, but then I remembered that she called the company, maybe they are the ones who told her. I smiled and hugged her, she hugged me back, her body was cold as usual. I was lying on the couch while she returned to her apartment it's dark maybe she slept, I was eating her cooking and thinking about recent events. I noticed a change in her behavior recently. At first it was just small things, a strange look in her eye, a new habit that I couldn't quite explain. I tried to ignore it as a harmless strangeness, but something inside me told me It's more than that.

............................................

As the days passed, the strangeness became more severe, but I did not want to jump to conclusions. I wanted to believe that there was a logical explanation for her behavior. I told myself that I was just being paranoid, and that she was going through a difficult phase or suffering from temporary mood swings, but regardless...  No matter how much I tried to justify it, i couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling that something was very wrong. Her behavior made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe, and the situation began to affect my mental health. I felt like I was walking on eggshells around her, and I doubt it.  Constantly at every step, her mysterious behavior increased my confusion and fear, making me feel lost and confused. I went to sleep and forgot everything. Fortunately for me, my insomnia had gone away. I woke up on the morning of the second day. I saw her sleeping in front of me, but she was facing the other side. I did not wonder what brought her here. She usually appeared in front of me in different places. I do not remember that I took her with me. My mind sometimes does not remember much of details I think he was hallucinating because of my addiction to alcohol. I went to wake her up, but I saw that she had no features in her face. I breathed hard and looked at the scene with a dead, terrified look. I turned to go to the door when I heard a sound similar to the sound of the bed moving. I sighed strongly, but I did not turn around to see What happened, I have been accustomed to my hallucinations since the beginning of my suffering with insomnia. I no longer distinguish between reality and imagination anymore. I am just a tired body. I went to the kitchen and found her sitting there watching the television in the hall opposite the kitchen, quietly, drinking her coffee. She looked at me. She smiled and asked me if I slept well tonight. I was not focusing on her, but on her hand, red from the cold and the pale whiteness of her skin. I smiled back at her. I tried to push away the negative thoughts and continued my day in peace, ignoring the rest in a state of extreme fatigue.... My day was normal, really, between work and home. That night, I did not want to go back home. I went to the store to buy wine and cigarettes. As usual, I was deliberately late. I no longer wanted to bear her constant suspicious looks at me. She stared at me nonstop behind the hall mirror, focusing intensely on me.  It's like she's watching me and my every move. And she copied them with an almost obsessive intensity. Sometimes I wondered what kind of person she or she was, and at other times, I felt as if she was hiding some secret dark desire, some hidden intent, that she didn't dare reveal. I couldn't shake the feeling that her gaze held something more sinister and Dangerous every time she looks at me. I can't help but feel like I'm prey in the sight of a predator. Her presence, which was once a source of comfort and security, has now become a source of tension and uncertainty. I'm attracted and afraid of her at the same time. She's digging In my soul, as if she can see all the vibes from me, is she playing with me?  Are you trying to manipulate me in some way? Are you trying to control me? It is as if she is challenging me, testing me, and pushing me to my utmost limits. It is exhilarating and terrifying, like standing on the edge of a precipice and looking into the abyss. The constant feeling of fear began to affect my mind, constantly racing in an attempt to understand her behavior and motives. I began to feel panic and anxiety.  Something bad was going to happen at any moment. There was a deeper layer of meaning behind her actions that I couldn't understand.

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