Hiraeth: Bonding (III)

Chapter Three

After I signed that stupid petition, most of my Ragdoll friends suddenly wanted nothing to do with me.

I would try and join in on conversations during school meals, but only received nods (or no responses at all). I couldn't help but notice after-school hangout plans that excluded me. In classes I shared with some of them, I had to find others to partner up with for projects.

It wasn't just my group, either. Vincent and Colton, along with the other beings of darkness at school, flat-out ignored me.

The only ones who seemed unbothered by what I had done were Roxie, Derek, Karter, and the twins. Liana, Kira, and Kat would still talk to me, but there was a sense of hostility behind their words.

By the time Seday afternoon rolled around, I began to wish I'd never put my name down on that piece of paper.

As I looked around me at lunch that Day, scanning the distant faces of those who had once fought beside me, those who had once come to my rescue - a vile feeling swept through my body. The whole world began to spin, fading in and out of darkness. Tears threatened to break free from my eyelids.

I can't lose them. I just can't. Why was I so stupid? I thought I made the right decision!

My fingers twitched and trembled while I tried desperately not to pick at the skin around my nails.

When my counselor noticed the growing habit, she told me it was my body dealing with anxiety and negative feelings leftover from everything I'd experienced. She told me it would keep getting worse if I let it. I told her it was better than some other things I used to do, and for the rest of the session I regretted saying so.

I gave into the urge as another thought came to me.

It had been a week since the carnival palm reader gave me her prediction. Did that mean Derek was in danger now?

I had been struggling not to tell anyone, especially Roxie. At the same time, I tried staying as close to Derek as possible. We had several classes together, so it wasn't difficult. I would watch for any signs of illness or unusual behavior, but none were there. I had been making sure he ate enough food (never a problem), asking if he got enough sleep, helping him study, and checking on his hair. (Since the vanishing of the Void and the Bright, Derek's hair became a sort of mood-signifier. I could tell when he was sad by the dimmer, whiter light it gave off. When he was angry, the light grew stronger, yellower, and its heat increased. Happiness was seen through gentle, warm light that didn't fluctuate when he spoke.)

Funnily enough, Derek was the one to pull me out of the sick trance. "You gonna eat your donut?" he asked with an eager grin.

I swallowed what might have been a whole breakdown in moments and slowly stuttered, "N-N-No, y-you can have it."

My freckled friend swiped the dessert off my plate. "Thanks!"

"H-H-Hey, D-Derek?" I asked after watching him gobble his treat.

"Mm hmm?"

"D-Do you wanna hang out after school..?"

The short, honey-skinned boy widened his big chocolate eyes. "Do I?!"

My hangout idea quickly became a sleepover, which ended up being at Derek's. We got a ride from Roxie. I had somehow forgotten that Vincent went home with her, and so he was going to be in the car with me.

He sat in the passenger's seat before I got a chance to head that way.

I don't know why, but it made me feel bad again. He knew Roxie and I were together. Was it just weird of me to assume I'd sit next to her? Or did he do that on purpose? Or maybe I shouldn't have wanted that spot in the first place. They were siblings now, after all.