Grieve

Chapter 1

Grief hugs me at night and makes me restless with its darkness and sorrow. It loves me. It loves to hug me throughout the lonely and cold evenings until I fall asleep; delicate tears on my cheeks, hold my hand in the daylight at home, when I'm looking outside the window toward the desolate streets with falling leaves and static places. It reminds me of my sister, my best friend, the person I loved most, and the fact that I lost her. Sometimes I try to tell Grief that I don't love it back, but it doesn't like to listen to me; instead, it likes to hold me tight until I cannot breathe and I believe everything is a joke. A pointless, endless joke.

Right now, I believe that is true. My room is dark, I haven't turned on the lights since days ago, and I'm looking out the window, sitting in my bed. I can't really see much because the red curtains on each side of the window are covering the panorama; it's not like I'm excited or curious to see it. After all, it is the same every day. Some women walk down the street with a smile on their faces, getting inside the Kio Café that is in the street corner; probably to spend some time talking with each other about their boring and cheating husbands. Or at least, I think about it that way because it is more fun. There would also be some men outside the barbershop, smoke swirling around their cheap cigarettes that some of them hide from their family, some of them don't.

I'm not sure when I started liking seeing outside the window. I don't think it is good for me either. It makes me think so much, and I feel an emptiness in my chest that hasn't left my side for so long that I don't even remember when it started. I just know that when I see all those people, I think that everyone has moved on, except me.

I sigh tirelessly, checking the time on my phone. In an hour, I have to go to work in the rotting convenience store that I despise, so I start getting ready, even though I don't have much energy to spare on it. I only put on my yellow uniform and my hat and decide to brush my teeth because I will talk to people, but I leave my hair alone. It has been tangled for a few days, and I won't be able to fix that in an hour.

When I walk out of my room, I trip with some glass with juice on the floor, but I ignore it and grab my purse. On my way to the Fassi store, I take a look around and realize Zyrkas looks even more melancholic today. A few hundred meters away from the center of town, the place is overflowing with green trees, yellow, blue, purple flowers, and many alive creatures. But there is a lot more fog and humidity than usual covering it all. I look down on myself and blankly stare at my hand, which is holding my purse tightly until a car honks, and I realize I stepped out of the walkway and almost get hit on by the car. I keep walking to my job.

"Good morning, Aster." Han, my boss, greets me without taking his eyes off the newspaper he is reading in the chair behind the register.

"Good morning," I answer and put my things away before giving him a look that makes him laugh. He gets up from the chair I'm supposed to sit on.

"Hope there's not much people coming today," he grumbles, leaving the closed space, and I arch an eyebrow at him.

"How will you earn money if there is no one coming?" I say while sitting down on the chair.

Han puffs, leaning in front of the register to talk to me. He is using his reading glasses, and he always looks so serious with them. He is not, though. He also might be the only person in this town I like.

"I truly don't care, sweetheart. I'd rather be poor. I heard there are tourists visiting to watch the zyrleas bloom, " Han explains, annoyed, then takes a look at me, up and down, "Not a good day?"

I think he's referring to my messy hair, but I can't believe he's criticizing it. I point at his bald head:

"What about you?" I question, acidly. He let's out a chuckle.