Meet Me Every Night (On Going)

CHAPTER 2

“The silence between my heartbeats echoes louder than any scream.”

– Haruki Murakami

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I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it.

Sometimes I think I have nowhere to go. I feel like I have no place in this world, I have no future, I'm useless and I wonder why I'm still alive.

Nalilito, naguguluhan at natatakot ako sa mga bagay na lahat ng mga naiisip ko ay magiging totoo. There were so many questions inside me that I couldn't bring out the answers I wanted to know.

Gusto kona malaman..

I want to experience the typical and ordinary things that people do. I would like to go to places where people spend time with their loved ones and where they enjoy themselves and forget about problems for a bit.

Sometimes you simply want to disappear even if just for a moment.

But what if I could make a wish? Funny, how I wish I was gone forever.

It's like I'm in a prison right now in this room and I don't have freedom even though I haven't done a single mistake or sin. I don't even break the law.

I'm tired of thinking about the things that could have caused my fate to be like this.

This is my life, this is the cycle of my life that never changes for the better.

Do i deserve it?

When I lose myself, I hit my head against the wall, the bed, or I pull my hair, times when I can't control my mind and my emotions. I can't make noise in my room, I know they will hurt me.

Sometimes I feel calm when I'm reading a book. This alone eases my condition. I see the world, how people live, people's behavior, the lives of other people that I know in books. I was able to explore in the book that I didn't think the world was beautiful.

I wish I could be a part of the world.

Ito ang normal ng aking buhay. Lahat may kahadlangan, hahadlang sa mga bagay na gusto ko makamit, hahadlang sa mga pangarap ko at hindi ko alam saan ako hahantong. Ano kaya ang future ko?

Hindi ko makita

Siguro...hindi ko makita ang sarili ko sa bawat araw na lilipas dahil alam ko maglalaho narin ako.

I hope it's all over.

I'd like to be done with every page of my life. I hope they tear out a few more blank pages so I don't have to go through any more.

I'm tired of trying to survive and hoping for impossible things to happen.

I hope this is my last page of my life.

I opened my eyes when I heard a knock on the door.

"Vicianca? May bisita ka, lumabas ka d'yan at huwag mo paghintayin mga kaklase mo sa labas" My mother said and I could hear her every step downstairs.

Kaklase? Bakit sila nandito?

I took a deep breath and left the room even though nakasuot parin akong pantulog.