The Aftermath

52

Baker woke at eight o'clock in the morning with Roads' arm around her shoulder, spooning her from the rear. For a moment she was confused, but memory settled into place and she smiled. She mentally tried the name Jasslynn Roads. It wasn't the worst name in the world. But those thoughts were for another day. He might get sober and decide he doesn't want me.

She frowned at this thought. Thoughts like these had plagued her all her life, and she thought she outgrew them this past year with the therapy. Still the tape played, and the self-doubt lingered under the thin ice of everything.

Quietly as she could she slipped from under his arm and out of the bed. Padding across the carpet, she grabbed fresh clothing out of a bag she picked up from home last night, and went into the shower.

After thirty minutes she was dressed and in the kitchen making herself breakfast. She didn't know when Roads was going to get out of bed, so she didn't bother with his. He might not even be hungry this early in the morning. He didn't drink as much as the night before last, but he still finished several drinks. She could see the worry on his face. The uncertainty of where his life was turning to now. She got the impression that life had not changed for him in several decades. Now there were suddenly major changes, and she was one of them. A lot to take in, inside forty-eight hours.

An hour later Roads woke and got into the shower. She came into the room when he was shaving and gave him a kiss on the neck. "You OK?"

He looked at her in the mirror for a moment and then said, "No, but I will be." He continued to shave, "You are beautiful."

She smiled at him, "Want breakfast?"

"Not really, I don't know if I could keep it down without a drink."

"Then have a drink, and eat some breakfast."

"This thing with the booze kinda crept up on me over the years. At first it was just to lubricate the mind after a long day chasing murderers and looking at victims. Then it was a nightly thing, so I could sleep without dreaming. Then it was a morning thing, so I could go to work without the yesterday's horrors in my head. So I could be fresh. Now -- it has me."

Jasslynn nodded her head, "My father was a drunk. Took him until I was out of the house before he realized it, and after he did, it took him a few more years to do something about his condition."

"What if I can't get sober? What if it doesn't take?" He asked and turned to look at her. "What if I've really gone too far?"

"Then you will retire, and try again." She said, and kissed him.

He looked at her, and then nodded, "I suppose I would have to."

"Don't worry about that now John, just get yourself into the program and we'll take it one day at a time after that. Nothing is more important right now than you getting back yourself."

"You are."

"No, I'm not. But we'll talk about that some other day. I'll make you breakfast. You have your two fingers to settle your system and then we'll go to the hospital."

Roads nodded and turned to wash off his face. "Why didn't we get together before this?"

"Because you were my hero when I first arrived in homicide, and then you were an asshole." She smiled.

"Hero huh?"

"Yeah. You really were."

"What am I now?"

"Still an asshole, but you're my asshole."

He nodded, "I can live with that."

Getting him into the hospital was anti-climatic. She already called them yesterday and made the arrangements for him to check-in to the program. As soon as they were inside the doors, it was clear that she was in the way, since she was not family. She gave him a kiss and drove away.