Cold Hearted / Theodore Nott x Reader

16. Theo

My eyes fluttered open at the sound of Hudson crying. I jumped out of bed to go get him before Dad woke up, Dad was always especially angry if we woke him up. I picked him up off the floor next to Nessie, who was just starting to wake up too. It was around 4 am. I patted him on the back and shushed him, "It's okay, shhh." I bounced slightly. He was still wailing a bit, I knew he was hungry. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, not knowing what to do. We used the last of the formula last night and figured we could make it to the morning. I sucked air through my teeth and thought about what to do. "Keep him calm, I'll be right back." I whispered and handed my youngest brother to Nessie. I was planning on somehow sneaked into my parents room and grabbing some money from my dad's wallet, hopefully enough to buy baby formula. I tried my best not to step on any glass in the dark light and snuck to my parents room. I carefully pushed the door open but it creaked. I took a nervous deep breath and froze as I waited for Dad to wake up and beat my ass, but by some miracle, he was still. I slowly made my way over to a pair of pants on the floor and crouched down to dig through the pockets for his wallet. I heard whispering over and over again so I whipped my head around to see what it was, Mom was curled up into a ball in the dark corner rocking back and forth with her eyes wide whispering, "Dead. Dead. Dead." I stood up immediately and walked over to where Dad was laying in his bed. I turned his cold body over and choked on a gasp as I saw him with bloodshot eyes and spit foaming from his mouth. I coughed and fell backwards, even when I shut my eyes, his face never left my mind. An overwhelming wave of nausea came over me and I tried not to throw up what little I had in my stomach. "He's dead!" My mother shrieked, ripping her hair from her roots. I pulled myself up and braced myself on a beat up bedside table and stared at his face. All the air left my body, I couldn't even breathe.

I flew forward and gasped for air, looking around my dorm. Yn was sleeping next to me so she obviously woke up too. I took shallow breaths, trying to get actual air into my lungs, but the image of my father's dead body was there again. Yn put her hand on my shoulder and I flinched wildly. I still felt like I couldn't breathe, it was horrifying. My chest was tight and I was shaking. I inched away and leaned against the wall, squeezing my eyes shut in fear. "Hey," She crawled over to me and cupped my cheeks.

"Look at me," She ordered gently, noticing that my eyes were jerking around the room, afraid that somehow my past would be in the dorm with us. "Theo, I need you to exhale. Come on, do it with me." She demonstrated. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried my best to copy her. I was still trembling, so she held my hands. "Again." She spoke softly. I tried to exhale again and I slowly started to come down from the panic.

She pulled my head towards her to comfort me, even though I was bigger than her, she still tried. I leaned my head on her shoulder and squeezed my eyes shut, "Shit." I muttered. "You're safe." She ran her fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry." I choked out, feeling bad that she got stuck with such a damaged boyfriend.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." She assured me. "What happened?" Yn whispered hesitantly. "I saw him again..." I said before continuing, "His dead, cold body." I shook my head at the image. "Your dad's?" She questioned. I nodded, not even able to say anything.

"I'm sorry, baby." I knew she was hesitating to ask more, but it seems like she decided against it. "He overdosed."I answered her unasked questions and leaned my head against the wall again, my heartrate slowing to a normal pace.

"Every fucking night. I can't forget his face." I shook my head, hate lacing my voice for my father. "I'm here. I won't leave you." She assured me and interlocked her fingers with mine and leaned her head on my shoulder. I'm never getting better. I sighed and closed my eyes, wincing at the image that kept appearing.

I'm always going to be this way. Broken. Insane. Unlovable. I squeezed her hand just a bit tighter, knowing she probably wouldn't be able to put up with me for much longer. "I get it if you don't want to do this anymore." I whispered painfully. Yn turned to look at me with a sad look in her eyes, "Do what? This relationship?" I nodded, "I'm never gonna get better." I stated sadly.

"Theo, I'm not gonna leave you. I don't care if you have flashbacks every second of every day, I will not leave you." She wrapped her arm around my bicep. Thankfully Luke was still asleep or he'd say how gross we look all cuddled up.

I just looked at her, it felt like this whole relationship was a dream that I'd have to wake up from soon. I kissed her head and shut my eyes, not believing her words because I couldn't fathom the idea of anyone wanted to put in work for me.

I opened my eyes at the sound of Luke crying and squirming in his bed and I immediately stood up and rushed over to his bed.

His eyes shot open and he looked around the room, "It's okay." I spoke softly to not scare him. He looked at me and after a few seconds, he crawled over to me and I sat down on the bed and wrapped my arms around him. He cried softly and shook his head, "It never gets better." He hiccuped through cries. I shut my eyes painfully, he was going through the same things I was. "I'm sorry." Was all I could whisper. I did all that I could when we were in that house but I still wish I could've protected him more.

(Sorry that this is a super short one, I'll try to get another one out as soon as possible)