Cold Hearted / Theodore Nott x Reader

20. Yn

It had been about two weeks since what happened with Toby. I went to a few classes here and there but I was so exhausted all the time, I wouldn't survive attending all of them.

I didn't believe I was depressed, everyone feels bad sometimes, right? It was just that this feeling never went away. I could smile and sometimes laugh, but it was like something was always holding me down, preventing me from feeling truly happy. Sometimes it felt like I was watching myself live, like I was physically present but my mind wasn't really in my body. It felt so weird.

I was sitting beside Theo in class, I wasnt paying attention to anything the professor said. I was staring at the floor peeling the skin off of my bottom lip until it was raw, it was a habit that was addicting.

I was glad that I hadn't seen Toby since what happened, I knew Theo had hurt him pretty badly but I never asked for details because I really didn't like to speak about Toby, I already thought about what he did to me too often.

I squeezed my eyes shut at the feeling of hands on my body, Theo's hands. Not Toby's hands. I told myself, which helped a bit.

I took a deep breath and glanced at Theo, who was already looking at me, concern written all over his face. I reached over and grabbed his hand and placed it on my thigh so I didn't drive myself insane at the feeling of hands that weren't there, I had told him it helped in the past.

He gave me a reassuring squeeze and offered me a small smile before turning back to the lesson.

I brought my gaze over to the door and looked at what I thought was Toby's side profile. I gasped and stood up before frantically looking around the room and at Theodore. He looked between me and who I just looked at and immediately understood.

He stood up with me when he realized I was seriously freaking out and grabbed my hand and carefully and quietly guided us out of the room, neither of us caring if anyone saw at the moment.

I heard a bit of the professor shouting that we can't just leave the classroom, but I was trembling so badly I couldn't even think straight. Theo opened the door and helped me out of the stuffy room and I leaned against the wall and slid down to sit. My breaths were shallow, I was terrified for my life.

Theo crouched down in front of me and grabbed both of my hands, "Hey," he spoke gently. My chest hurt badly and my eyes were looking all around the hallway, as if Toby would spontaneously appear.

"Look at me, I'm right here, you're safe." He comforted me and kissed my forehead. "It wasn't Toby, you're safe." Theodore repeated and squeezed my hands comfortingly.

"I need you to exhale, okay? Come on, breathe out with me." He demonstrated and I tried to copy his breathing. I shook my head fearfully with my eyes wide, refusing to calm down. "Look at me, Yn." He ordered gently. I brought my eyes to meet his and he started talking. "Toby will never touch you again. I made sure of it, you're safe."

My lip quivered as the adrenaline started to calm down. Theo carefully pulled me to hug him and rubbed my back. "You're alright." He whispered. I shut my eyes and just let him hold me.

After a few minutes of this, he pulled away slightly to look me in the eyes. "Do you want to go back to our dorm?" He spoke gently and cupped my tear stained cheeks. I nodded softly and he carefully helped me up.

"We can just watch movies for the rest of the day." He kissed my head and had his arm wrapped firmly around my waist to help me back to the dorm.

Over the past few weeks, I had told Theo where I was okay with him putting his hands, because I couldn't stand having him not hold me regularly like he used to, but he stopped when Toby assaulted me because he wasn't sure what I was comfortable with.

I was always comfortable with him, but we hadn't actually had sex in a while. He didn't act like he minded, in fact he didn't mention it at all, I was the only one to ever bring it up. When I did bring it up, he always told me it was perfectly fine and I had absolutely nothing to worry about, he always made sure to be stern when he said it so I knew he meant it.

Theo took a deep breath and looked down at me while we were walking, "Maybe," he paused, "Maybe you should talk to someone." He told me quietly. "What do you mean?" I questioned, my voice was hoarse and I knew what he meant, but truthfully I didn't want to talk to someone. "Like- therapy, or something, I don't know." My boyfriend suggested.

"I don't- I don't want to explain every single detail of how it felt to a stranger." I objected in a painful whisper. "You need help, Yn. I can't pretend like you're okay." He spoke gently with a frown on his face, I knew it hurt for him to see me like this.

"I know I'm not okay, Theo. But I don't want to talk to some random person." I admitted and squeezed my eyes shut. "You need to at least talk to somebody, even if it's me or Maisy or Blaise, I don't care who it is, just please, Yn." Theodore urged me gently.

We were sitting on the couch, Theo had his arms wrapped around me and I had my head on his shoulder.
I paused before taking a deep breath, "I don't know." Theo nodded a bit and kissed my head, "That's okay. Just think about it."
"Okay." I whispered and shut my eyes.

"You wanna watch a movie?" Theodore suggested and rubbed my arm. "Yeah." I agreed quietly and nuzzled a bit closer. "Alright."

(I'm so sorry that this is such a short chapter, I started it a while ago and forgot where I was going with it so yeah, here you go 🥲)