Moonstruck | A Remus Lupin Love Story

Chapter 22: Wounds

That morning, both Esmeray's and Remus's heads had been consumed by the memory of the night before. Esmeray had raced to Harry and the other's, making sure that they had made it back safely. However, just as she reached the Gryffindor common room, seeing the unharmed faces of her friends, Esmeray collapsed. Through the chaos and overpowering emotions of the night, Esmeray had forgotten about her injuries, lost within the adrenalin of her wolfish self. As her human body regained its state, it yielded to the severity of her wounds. Harry and the others rushed forth to the unconscious woman and hurried her to the hospital wing.

However, on the other side of the school, Remus secluded himself in his office, afraid of how the rest of the school would treat him, as they now probably all knew about his lycanthropy. However, this wasn't his most pressing concern. In fact, it was Esmeray, and his confusion with her. He had believed that he could possibly love her, but now with the emergence of his mate, he didn't understand his emotions. How could he have fallen so deeply for Esmeray, when is mate lingered in the forbidden forest. He thought the universe was playing a cruel trick on him. But maybe Esmeray was just there for him to protect and teach, for she was destined for great things. And maybe one day he would reunite with the white wolf. The one who had saved him. The one who had calmed him. Or maybe, he was just destined to be alone.  

After recollecting himself, he ventured out of his classroom, seeking out Harry and the other's. He had to make sure he hadn't harmed any of them, and he wanted to see what had become of his long-lost friend. He immediately headed towards the hospital wing, in hopes that he wouldn't find anyone there. But as he entered the room, his nightmares came true. Harry, Ron and Hermoine huddled around a bed in the far corner. As Remus walked closer, he saw a fatigued and frail Esmeray lying on the bed. Suddenly all heads swiveled towards him, but instead of being laced in disgust and fear, they were all filled with worry.

'Remus!' Harry exclaimed as he ran over and hugged the man. Remus was stunned. He would have thought that everybody would have turned away, in horror of his condition. But no, the trio only looked on at him with care. After returning to his senses, he returned the embrace before checking on all of them. 

'Are you all okay? I didn't...' he stuttered.

'We're fine,' offered Hermoine.

'Well, apart from this one,' Ron laughed awkwardly, poking a thumb in Esmeray's direction, but Remus did not return his sentiment. Instead, his face fell in horror as he saw Esmeray, her body covered in bloody bandages. As soon as Esmeray saw his expression shift, she leant forward quickly and gasped out,

'No, no, no Remus, this wasn't your fault, this one is from Snape, and this gash well, it was an accident...' she tried to reassure him. He stumbled forward, his eyes not leaving her wounds. His head hung heavily as he huffed out,

'I am so sorry.'

Esmeray reached out her hand to touch his, causing him to look at her. The others watched on, noticing the action, and smiling amongst themselves. She smiled warmly into his eyes and stated, 

'Remus, I'm okay!' as she rubbed circles on his hand. It offered a small amount of comfort when compared to the overwhelming guilt that was consuming him. He soon realized that there were eyes watching them, and quickly let go of her hand. 

'Professor, we won't tell anyone, your secrets safe with us,' said Hermoine. Remus looked around at his students, overwhelmed by their kindness. He muttered a quiet, 'thank you' as his eyes continued to dart towards Esmeray.

'What of Sirius, and Peter?' he asked. 

'Well, Peter got away, but we managed to save Sirius' life!' replied Harry. At that both Remus's and Esmeray's faces lit up with joy, and they both looked around in hopes to see their friend and father. 

'Oh, he isn't here, uh, we couldn't save his reputation, so he's gone into hiding,' Harry sadly replied. Remus's face fell, while Esmeray shed a tear.

'Sorry, Ray' offered Harry. She shook her head, quickly trying to mask her own sadness. She was heartbroken that she wouldn't be able to see her father for a while. Her reunion with him had been so brief. But at least he was alive, and he was innocent. She looked towards Remus, knowing that he would be feeling the same way, after losing his only living friend once again. But he was already staring at her, concern consuming his expression, before his eyes quickly shifted away.

'Do you think you'll be alright to compete this evening?' inquired Hermoine.

At this, Remus's head shot right back towards Esmeray in shock. 

'You can't compete, not in your condition,' he expressed. She looked at him soddenly,

'I don't have a choice,' she shrugged.

'But... Dumbledore wouldn't-'

'He's already tried,' she stated.

He huffed in defeat. This wasn't right. He had been the cause of her injuries, and now she had to complete the last, and most deadly of the Tri-wizard trials. Her disadvantage was his fault. Noticing the tension in the air, the trio decided it was best to leave the two alone.

'We'll let you get some rest, Esmeray,' said Harry as they started to leave.

'We're routing for you!' yelled Ron, and then with the slam of the hospital wing doors closing, the room drew silent. Esmeray gazed at Remus, reminded of their night. She secretly hoped that he would figure out that it was her, and that he would accept her as she was, and the two could return to that heavenly state. But she knew it was just a delusion. Alternatively, Remus kept his eyes on the floor. The guilt and shame from the night, from hurting Esmeray, from leading to the escape of Peter, consumed him, and he started shriveling towards the floor. Esmeray stood, with a wince and tried to stumble over to him. She placed her hand on his chest, trying to make him understand that she didn't blame him, that he didn't do anything wrong, that she still adored him. But his eyes, something was wrong. There was no recognition. No warmth or glimmer like there normally was. Remus, like a robot, raised his hand wordlessly, and began to peel away the bandage that was across her chest. Esmeray stood still, letting him. Remus now gawked at the three giant claw marks that were congealed with a dark red blood. Tears filled his eyes, and he quickly returned the bandage to its position. How could he have been so stupid, not drinking the wolfsbane. Esmeray raised her hand towards his face in solace,

'Remus...' she tried, but he stopped her hand from reaching any further. 

'No... we can't...I'm so sorry,' he muttered out, before turning and marching out the door. Esmeray stood there alone, in the cold and empty room, heartbroken for her professor. She wanted so much to be there for him. Why was she the way that she was. Why couldn't she just tell him. If only she had more courage. If only Voldemort wasn't after her. If only Remus would let her in. If only. She didn't want to participate in the trial this evening. Not when there were more important things going on. Things she desperately cared about. She was helpless. Hopeless. She meandered back to her bed and tried to rest for the oncoming tournament. But as she lay there, a darkness gurgled from the pits of her stomach. That threat of something coming, was now very nearby. She could almost taste the wickedness in the air. It made all her hairs stand up, like an army saluting. It nauseated her, as the evil squirmed and wriggled around her stomach and up her throat. Whatever it was, it was extremely close, and extremely bad.