Moonstruck | A Remus Lupin Love Story

Chapter 27: Occlumency Lessons

The next morning, Esmeray woke to frosted sunlight piercing through the curtains. She was dreading leaving the sanctuary of the room, afraid of what she might do or say if she had to face Remus again. She had gone to sleep with a bad taste in her mouth, and as she woke, it was still just as sour. However much she tried to push her emotions aside, they roared back ferociously. But she had to go down. She had to begin this quest. This pathway that would lead her to the downfall of Voldemort. That had to become her drive, her focus, her reason to get up. And so, once again, Esmeray vigorously attempted to stash away her feelings, before heading downstairs.

Most of the Order members had left last night, each returning to their families and jobs. The only people that actually resided in the house were now Esmeray, Sirius and Remus. But as this was headquarters, it was often roaming with wizards throughout the weeks. Esmeray shuffled into the kitchen, wrapping her robe tighter around her shivering body. As she entered, she sensed another body, and she turned to see Remus reading the Daily Prophet at the table. He glanced up noticing her presence, and the two held each other's stare. The look hung heavily in the air, both unable to speak, but desperately wanting to. However, both of their minds suffocated the desire of their hearts, and so they continued to live in each other's gaze. Suddenly, the smell of coffee overpowered Esmeray's senses, and she glanced towards a steaming mug that floated towards her. She grabbed it before it fell, looking at Remus, who was again reading the paper, and drinking his own coffee.

'You still like it with milk and sugar, right?' he asked warmly, smiling from behind his mug at Esmeray. Why was he like this, she thought. Why was he so incredibly thoughtful and then so incredibly ignorant. It drove her crazy. Focus, Esmeray. She quickly nodded as she engulfed herself in the coffee he had made for her, once again internally battling with her heart. She remained standing, leaning against the bench, trying to keep as much distance away from Remus, and the electric shock she received when she was near him. 

'So, where's Tonks?' she asked, trying to eliminate the awkward silence. She honestly didn't really want to know but hoped it would ground her in reality.

'She left last night with the others,' he replied, 'she's very busy being an Auror.'

She again nodded at his response. Remus dropped his paper and turned to face Esmeray, his mouth open, ready to say something, but he was quickly interrupted by Sirius and Dumbledore who had just entered the room.

'Ah, I thought I'd find you two together, I must discuss some Order business,' announced Dumbledore. At this, Esmeray stood straight, eager to get on with it. Sirius walked over to the coffee pot and poured himself a mug, giving Esmeray a quick wink. 

'How'd you sleep kiddo,' he whispered.

'Horribly,' she answered honestly, and his face fell in concern before meandering over to sit beside Remus.

'Now, we all know that you and Voldemort are connected somehow, as you received a glimpse of his future - of the war to come,' Dumbledore began. 'This means that at any moment, Voldemort could very well glance into your mind and witness our mission, but it also means you can look into his. However, you lack a, uh, well, a sense of control, my dear,' and at that Esmeray crossed her arms in annoyance. 

'However, with some training, you will gain control and be able to gaze into the mind of the enemy. Starting today, you will take Occlumency lessons with Professor - I mean Remus until you can successfully block him out,' he stated. No, anyone but him. She couldn't let him peer into her mind. He would see everything. What she was, how she felt about him, she just couldn't.

'Is there, uh, anybody else that I could learn from?' she asked shyly, not wanting to look at Remus's reaction.

'No, I'm afraid not my dear,' he replied.