Moonstruck | A Remus Lupin Love Story

Chapter 34: The Curse

It had been almost two weeks of living in the cottage. Two weeks of isolation from the outside world. And though at first Esmeray was against it, she soon surrendered to the normalcy of it. Her days were spent reading, gardening, playing chess, practicing magic and cooking. The best part was that she got to do it all with him. It had felt like the beginning, back at Hogwarts where their friendship had just begun. It had felt innocent, and pure, and real. At first, her mind had been riddled with worry for the others and the happenings of the outside world with war on the horizon, but after a few days in Remus's company, she had let that slip into the back of her mind as she escaped into her fantasy of living an easier and ordinary life. Something she had been wanting for a very long time.

One morning, as Esmeray woke to the sunrise filtering through the window, her eyes caught the current date on the moon calendar on the wall beside her. Today was a full moon. Instantly, her thoughts went to Remus, who, over the past week, had succumbed to a weak and sick demeaner. She found him huddled on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, his skin like snow - white and cold. 

'Remus...are you okay?' she asked as she knelt by his side. He looked at her and smiled weakly,

'I'll be fine...' he ushered out in pain.

'Tonight's a full moon...' she started, and his eyes found hers.

'Yes, yes I know.' She looked up at him with sadness in her eyes, witnessing his pain from the disease. After a few moments, he stood up shakingly, leaning heavily on his cane. Esmeray raced to his side to aid him, and the two walked outside to sit on the porch. Remus took in a deep breath of fresh woodland air as he gazed towards the forest.

'Now, I haven't been able to take wolfsbane while we've been in hiding,' Remus started. Esmeray's head turned to him worried, not for her, but for him. She hadn't even considered that. She knew Remus lacked the funds to source the potions ingredients, and there was no way of receiving the potion from the others. She felt terrible for him.

'So, tonight, after sundown, I want you to lock all the windows and doors, and leave all the lights off. I'll venture deep into the woods to uh, transform. Now, nothing should, nothing will happen, but if it does...I want you safe, he finished as he stared intently at Esmeray.

'Remus, you won't hurt me-'

'ESMERAY PROMISE ME YOU'LL DO AS I SAY,' he exclaimed abruptly, 'I'm sorry, I-I just don't want to h-hurt you,' he finished, looking down shamefully. Esmeray placed her hand on top of his as she replied warmly, 'I promise.' 

'And, should for some reason I attack you...you need to be prepared to do what must be done to stop me.' His stare intensified, almost as if he were boring holes into Esmeray's mind. There was a macabre undertone to his warning. Esmeray shook her head furiously,

'No, I won't do it,' she stated.

'Esmeray, please this is serious, you must survive. I am at peace with this-'

'I AM BEING SERIOUS. I refuse to do anything that will harm you, whether you are in your werewolf form or not. You are my family - I will not lose you!'

'ESMERAY I AM A MONSTER,' Remus shouted, his fears and insecurities exploding out of him. This would be one of the first times he would shift without the aid of the wolfsbane potion, and he was beyond terrified. 

'My life is worthless. I lived in alienation for so long in fear of hurting others. When I look up to the night sky, where I wish I could see beauty, I only see fear. The first time I produced my patronus, I wept. I eat chocolate so that I can poison the wolf within. The only thing that keeps me sane is you, and Sirius, and Harry and the others. But even then, it still baffles me that you can still see me as a friend...I...this curse...its an abomination...I am an abomination.'