Guy and Reason

Chapter 15 (Eden/Reason): A Huge Help

"He showed me the charity offices last night. He's explained about everything. Ingrid. The girls he cheated on me with. His depression. Everything."

I was setting the table and mom was plating up our dinner as I talked with her.

My mother looked at me from the stove. "They certainly kept his depression quiet. I've never even heard a whisper about it around town."

"Makes sense. I mean, you're allowed to play in the NFL and be on anti-depressants, but I'm sure most of the players would rather keep that to themselves," I said.

"It's an extremely private topic," she agreed.

I nodded, thinking of patients I had who didn't even want to disclose their anti-depressant meds to me, their nurse.

"So, what are you thinking about running A Reason to Care?"

I paced in front of my mother. "I don't know. It's so tempting. They have a great start, but oh, Mom! They're poised on the verge of even bigger things. Some really incredible things, and they could take it in so many different directions."

"And you've been thinking of where you'd take it." Moms always knew, it seemed, what their children were thinking. She set our plates down on the table, and we both took our seats.

"I'd be lying if I said no. This is what I always wanted to do. What Guy and I always wanted to do. He's put it together, but I could really add wings to it and have it take off."

"And what about Guy? Where does he fit into all of this?"

"He said he'd step back and just donate money. I'm assuming he'd also make appearances at fundraisers for it. But that doesn't mean I'd have to see him. And he could still do the computer stuff remotely."

"Do you think he'd stick to that, honey?"

"I do. When I ran into him in the grocery store...I don't know, I think the things he was saying were what he felt, but he's backed off that. Kind of like you just blurt out what's in your heart at the moment. He's been respectful since then and cognizant of my boundaries."

We both ate in silence for a few minutes.

"And how was it hearing everything he told you about?"

"It was painful in different ways. Ingrid...Ingrid the bitch was worse than I thought. And Guy's depression I had no idea about. It sounded like he didn't even realize what was happening until he was deep into it. He finally got help but only after he hit rock bottom. By then it was too late for us."

"How do you feel about having answers to everything now? Do you feel better about things? Are you ready to move on? Or do you think you'll be ready to move on in a bit once you process everything?"

"Yes."

Mom rolled her eyes at me, then gave me a long, searching look. "Eden."

"What? I said yes."

"You said yes so fast, honey, and I'm not sure which question you were answering. It's OK to think about things. To let yourself feel whatever you need to. Guy was everything to you for so many years. You've been broken up for three years, and you're only now getting the whole story. Give yourself time to think about it. Feel it. Mourn it again in a different way, and then be done with it."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to be done with it. With him. That Guy is always going to have some hold on me."

"What kind of a hold?"

"Like he'll always be my first love. That's powerful. We were together for so long."

"And then he cheated on you."