Final Love

over and over

hi guys im back from my long break again and im finally releasing a new chapter for you guys. im probably going to have more time soon too so ill see if ill have time to release a few more chapters before I dissapear for some reason again :P  I hope you enjoy this chapter tho!

this is going to be from lineahs view because I wasn't that motivated going more chapters in roses view. 

also probably a more issued and sensitive chapter, where both character are more vunrable bc im living for angsty stuff atm

trigger warning for self harm, drug use, relapsing  

 this morning I woke up with a heavy feeling for some reason. nothing happened, I had the best day yesterday with my love and even let the light pass by with her but for some reason I still woke up feeling bad. I checked my phone to see the time. 6:40am. it wasn't even really a appropriate time to get up yet. thoughts circled my mind as I ws laying in bed staring at the ceiling. with my girl sleeping soundly next to me. I thought about everything and for some reason not even a good thing could cross my mind. I thought about rose smoking weed with Melissa, I didn't know she smoket matter fact even used drugs. marijuana isn't really. drug tho but still you get high from it and I didn't know that rose was doing stuff like  this. was it just a fun thing to do once and again some time for her or did she frequently  consume? and was it other drugs too?  shook the thought off but then the part where Melissa was in our house and hung out with her entered my head again. why didn't rose have an issue with the fact she was hanging out with Melissa? didn't she care about the stuff that happened between us? Melissa claimed she changed and apologised. but was it rreally the way she said? or was it just a way to manipulate again? my thoughts were racing with all sorts of things. I found myself getting really upset to the point I even thought of relapsing. trying to forget all about it I quickly made space in roses arms slipping in her embrace from underneath and snuggling into her, trying to get my mind to wander to positive things to shake the thought of once again hurting myself off. ''are you okay?'' the sound of roses voice startled me because I didn't expect he to wake up. I hummed not wanting to give her something to worry about so she could go back to sleep. ''you know you can tell me'' she raised her hand to gently rub over the back of my head. ''Im alright don't worry about it'' she kissed the top of my head and went back to sleep. I dint blame her for not getting it. she was half asleep anyway and how would she anyway.all my worrying made me tired and eventually did let me go back to sleep.

when I woke up for the second time, my heart felt even heavier, this time rose was not in bed with me anymore.  I tried shaking off the feeling but It tasing possible. I felt my mind going back to the little silver thing I had in the back of my phone Case  'just  in  case'  I knew that I would feel better. It wouldn't make things better but it would make me better. I couldnt resist the feeling so I caved. 

I sat ont the bathroom floor. I felt better but now I also felt guilty, guilty of caving its and not trying to stay strong like I should've. My head was silent and the thoughts were mostly gone but nw the guilty and bad feeling of relapsing again and so soon was flowing me head. tears began rolling down my cheeks and this time I didn't know what to do because I did this to my self. it was silent butt he sudden knock on the door broke it. ''My love are you okay?'' I tried composing myself to respond ''yeah ill be right there hold on'' I hoped she couldnt hear my teary voice trough the door. ''okay'' she responded. I thought she walked away from the door because there was nothing else following. I sniff dup my nose and stared in the room for a second. until I heard her again. ''lineah open the door please'' my heart dropped as I realised that she did get it. I got up and unlocked the door for her slowly opening it. seeing her face drop even more as she saw me and realised made my heart hurt even more and I began crying once again. ''oh baby come here'' she opened her arms and I immediately crashed into them. I stood there crying while she held me rubbing my back. ''I know, im so sorry baby. why didn't you tell me?'' I was sobbing, probably crying her t-shirt wet. ''im sorry I couldnt'' I pressed my face more into her chest. she scooped me up and carried me into the living room. holding tightly in her arms. I calmed down and just sat there in her lap still filled with guilt. ''do you wan to tell me whats wrong?'' she said looking down to me. I shook my head. I dint want to tell her. I didn't now why. I had the feeling that that would make her feel bad and I didn't want to ruin her mood, ''alright you don't have to thats fine. but tell me if you want to okay''I nodded ''are you mad?''  she frowned ''why would  be mad? relapsing is just something that comes with recovering. im jus a little sad for you and that you didn't come to me when you knew you weren't doing good'' she kissed the top of my head  holding close. ''do you want to drink something, or eat? I had breakfast without you im sorry but I can make you something if you like?'' ''no thank you'' I said. laying in her arms helped me calm down alot. her grasp was warm and comforting so I felt better but I couldnt help but feel lie I let her down ''im sorry'' I said ''what are you sorry for? theres nothing you did wrong?'' ''im sorry that  I dint come to you, I should've done that I know you just want to help me.'' she smiled at me. er smile and in general her whole face was so comforting ''don't worry about it. but if you can, tell me next time. im always here for you and you know it.'' she leaned down to me and kissed my cheek. I could finally let myself be happy again, ignoring the feeling of guilt that was weighing my heart  down I smiled as she kissed my cheek. obviously she noticed my change of emotion and showered me with kisses  my whole face, I laughed aut loud as her lips found new places all over my face.  when she finally stopped I reached up my face for a last kiss that she obviously game me right on my lips. ''are you feeling better now'' she asked still not letting go of me holding me tight in her lap. ''yes I am thank you love.''  ''you promise?' I nodded assuring her that I was now fine enough. ''thats. good because I actually have some school work I have to catch on are you fine staying to watch some tv while I do that in the bedroom?'' I nodded getting u from her lap fro her to get to her work then sat back down and turned on the tv to watch some shows I could find on Netflix or something.