The bodies in the graveyard of my mind.

Untitled Part 10

i look at our old messages and try to pull the tears away from my eyes

the tears that beg to flow when i have to pretend its fine

i have to pretend it was okay when you lied for years.

i have to pretend i dont want to scream and cry when i look at our old messages.

was any of it real?

were we even friends?

did you hold me close to your heart as i did to you?

did you always think of our messages and laugh as i did to you?

you were my friend

i held you in such high regard

but now i see how i ignored the slight stray threads in your tapestry of lies.

the lies you weaved so skillfully.

i should have seen the signs.

i did see them though..

i chose to turn a blind eye to them, thinking

"oh, its nothing."

it wasnt nothing though, was it?

no it was a whole shit show of lies.

our friendship was built on toothpicks and Elmers glue.

it was bound to fall apart at sometime.

If you had told us the truth.. we wouldnt have hated you chris. we wouldnt have hated you austin.

telling lies hurts so much more than the truth.

you were some of the people i held closest to my heart and now that you are gone it hurts.

why did you have to do this to me, to us?

what did you gain? yes, i know you are insecure and felt like no one liked you chris, but i did!! you didnt have to weave a web of lies to make me like you!!

i didnt like you because i thought you had money chris. i didnt like you because i thought you loved my best fiend austin!!

i liked you guys for who you were!! we had been going so well, it was fucking perfect.. until you decided to lie about everything.

i loved you three. yes platonically of course. but you three made me happy and made me feel like our little group was a family.

i felt like i could finally be myself with you guys.

but i guess none of it was real. huh?