The bodies in the graveyard of my mind.

Untitled Part 22

I'm currently feeling an abnormal amount of anger and unnecessary jealousy. (Crushes name)is friends with someone, yes I know it's unnecessary to be pissed with someone I don't even know over them talking. And yet I cannot seem to brush off the vile thoughts that came up seeing "A" by (crush). The second she touched (Crushes name) shoulder, all I could think of was ways to get her hands off her. I want to talk to (Crushes name)and make her laugh like that, smile, and giggle as she did with her. She waved goodbye at my bus, which made me lose a good amount of my horrid thoughts, but I still could not seem to brush off the jealousy.
Ever since I met her, it seems as though my thoughts are perpetually her. As though she's a ghost that trails my thoughts effortlessly. I cannot seem to loosen her from the tangled-up strings that are on my mind. I think about her daily and nightly, it's as though she whispers her name into my ear as I fall asleep, my head on the pillow till my dreams are of her. She is my every thought, every action. This isn't a mere "crush"... No. It's bordering on a true obsession. I remember everything she happens to tell me, I remember the exact way she looks, the slope of her nose, the slight downturn to her eyes, the hue of her hair, the look of her eyes in the sunlight. I remember it all. And I know she may "like" me back, but it will never reach my level, the second I see her my heart quickens, my thoughts race, and all I can seem to do is speak utter nonsense.
I've never had a crush like I have one on her, maybe a crush in passing, or perhaps an absent thought of "Oh they're cute." but she takes up my mind 365 24/7. It's always her "Would (Crushes name)like this? What is (Crushes name)doing right now?" Always her. I want to see her in her element, I want to see her while she skates, carefree. I want to act helpless on the ice so I can have more contact with her as we skate around like smiling giggling idiots. I want to do everything with her, and not even in a sexual way like boys think about their crushes. I want to hug her, befriend her cats, paint with her, talk with her, laugh with her, sing with her, dance with her, hug her, hold her hand in mine, watch movies with her but only really look at her and barely pay attention to the movie, I want to see her favorite things and talk with her about them. I want to do everything. I want this to be my endgame, I want to meet her parents and introduce myself to her sister and twin siblings. I want to meet her grandparents I want to never fight with her and if we do I want to talk about them rather than yell, I want to never have to fight with her anyway. I want to be her special someone she knows she can always come to, I want her to know that she can always trust me, I want her to know I'm there for her always.
I want to be her everything like she is for me.

WROTE THIS ON THE BUS GOT RLLY JELLY FOR NO REASON KINDA WANTED TO CUT OFF THAT HOES HAND :3

me and my crush are in this weird gray area where we both like each other but dont know what to do abt it...