Guilty as Sin?

Am I Allowed to Cry?

Mary strutted into the bar, the smell of cigarette smoke from a brand she didn't claim filling her lungs.

"Is this seat taken?" She asked, a newfound confidence in her voice.

An hour ago, doing something like this never would've crossed her mind. What had brought her to the point of disrupting the ever-perfect trajectory of her life? Her no good, cheating husband. He hadn't even had the guts to tell her, oh no, she had to find out from her thirteen year old son. All this brought her to a boiling point, and the steam created led her right down to the bar, like Hansel and Gretel, only with more intoxication.

"No ma'am." The woman on the next barstool smirked. "I'm Lottie." She extended her hand.

"Mary." She begrudgingly took the woman's hand, and sat on the creaky barstool.

"What're you drinking?" Lottie asked.

"I'll just have whatever you're having." Mary said, settling into a smile.

"Donna! Can I get a dirty shirley for Mary, right here?" Lottie said, pointing to the woman next to her, and startling her in the process.

An hour ago, Mary wouldn't've been in a bar at all. If she had, she'd've ordered a beer, same as her loyal husband. He wasn't particularly good with the kids, or with her, but she knew she stayed around for a reason. She didn't know what, specifically, but she knew there had to have been one. That, or she just couldn't find a reason to leave. Until an hour ago.

The bartender set their drinks down in front of them. Lottie didn't hesitate to take a sip, and nodded at the bartender in thanks. Mary lifted her glass to her lips, fresh with the lipstick that she never felt like wearing for her husband. He wouldn't've noticed, anyway.

"So, Mary, what's got your panties in a knot?" Lottie asked, in a candid manner. Mary choked on her drink, and stuttered. "I just meant, what's got you all bent out of shape? You came in huffin' and puffin', like you were on the hunt for a little pig's house made of straw." Lottie chuckled, savoring the blush that crept across the other woman's cheeks.

"Well, I don't see how that's any of your business." Mary said curtly.

Lottie's face betrayed her for a quick second, but she quickly tied it back up into the bundle of a bubbly mask that she was wearing before. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. It's just that you're dressed to the nines, but your expression is telling a different story."

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. I'm just feeling upset." Mary admitted.

Lottie laughed. "I'd gathered as much. No pressure from me to elaborate, we can talk the night away without mentioning whatever bee you've got in your bonnet."

"No, it's better to get it out of the way now, especially since you're not gonna run around blabbin' to the people in my community and my congregation." Mary took a sip, and then paused to consider. "You're not, right?"

"No ma'am; you have my word." Lottie gave a light smile, and rested her hand on Mary's thigh.

"Well, in that case..." Mary grimaced, and took a hearty drink of her shirley temple. "My husband cheated on me with my closest friend, and really it's embarrassing that I have to call her that, since we've got nothing in common, but the worst part of all is, I had to find out from my son. Who walked in on them, in the middle of... Well, y'know."

Lottie took a deep breath. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that, darlin'. You here to find a friend to talk to, or to drink away your feelings, or-"

"I just want to forget." Mary said.

Three drinks, two sad stories, and one broken heel later, Mary and Lottie stumbled towards the door of Lottie's apartment. As Lottie grasped for the keys in her purse, Mary lazily draped her arms around Lottie's neck, and dissolved into a fit of giggles. Lottie unlocked the door, sending them both tripping into the studio. They waltzed towards the bed, a convoluted dance of tangled arms and legs wrapping around each other.

Mary, ignited by the alcohol coursing through her veins, captured Lottie in a passionate kiss. Lottie was quick to reciprocate, feeling fire wherever Mary touched her. As Mary sat back onto the bed, Lottie pulled away.

"Mary, are you sure you want to do this? I have no interest in stopping, but if you do, I won't hold it against you."

Mary giggled. "Look, if I was gonna stop you, I would've done it when you asked me about my panties back in the bar."

Lottie turned red. "Look, I didn't mean it like that-"

Mary laughed again. "Just shut up and kiss me."

Later that night, or earlier that next morning, Lottie pulled on an old oversized tee, and stepped onto her balcony with a marlboro and lighter in hand. A few minutes later, she heard the balcony door open once again.

"Lottie? Do you have something I could borrow? I don't want to go to all the effort of putting my dress on again."

"Then don't! I wouldn't mind if you came out here not wearing anythin'!" Lottie called back.

"Ha-ha." Mary said. "Now can you please grab me somethin' to wear?"

"Fine, if you insist." Lottie sighed, rolling her eyes in an exaggerated manner, stepping back into the room. She grabbed Mary a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, and finished her cigarette while Mary put them on.

"So, you got some more of those?" Mary asked, looking at the butt in Lottie's hand.

"Sure do."Lottie responded, and headed over to her nightstand. "Well? Don't look!"

"What? Nothing is gonna happen?" Mary laughed.

"Well, if my cigarettes go missing, I know who did it." Lottie retorted, with a pointed glance in Mary's direction. The pair dissolved into laughter, and stepped out onto the balcony. Lottie lit up another cigarette, then passed the lighter and box to Mary.

"So, now that we're done... forgetting, you wanna talk about it?" Lottie asked.

"I just... I don't know what I could've done differently. When George got me pregnant, I married him. When I had trouble with Missy's birth, I prayed and made a promise to God that I'd go to church every weekend, and serve him in whatever way possible. And now, I've followed through, and what do I have to show for it? I followed the church, nearly to a T, save for a cigarette here and there. I mean, of course I have my three wonderful children, but none of them have any interest in the church, and I'm beginning to wonder why I do. My husband cheated on me. Why would that be a part of His plan?" Mary rambled.

"Well, maybe it was part of His plan because you were destined for something better than a husband who would stray from your relationship so easily. Nobody deserves that."

"You know what? This was a mistake."

"Mary, no, I didn't-"

"No, I'm going to go." Mary said, putting out her cigarette and grabbing her purse.

"Well, can I at least walk you home?" Lottie asked, a desperate attempt to reconcile with Mary.

"Oh my goodness! You really think I wanna go home right now? To my unfaithful husband?" Mary scoffed in disbelief.

"You know what, I'm sorry. I don't know how to get my point across, and I don't wanna make you uncomfortable. I'm gonna give you my phone number. If you ever want to talk, give me a call." Lottie said, scribbling her number down quickly, handing it to Mary. Their hands met for a brief second, and Lottie looked up, her eyes meeting Mary's. As abruptly as their contact had started, it stopped, and Mary slammed the door, leaving Lottie in her apartment, alone.