The Dark Side of the Moon

32. Everything All at Once

Time passed by so quickly in those first two weeks, but unlike the past, my days held no more dread. My body was taking its time healing, on account of the years of accumulation and the extent of the damage done in the last month. I felt stagnated in place with my injuries, but the differences were drastic compared to before when they were always untreated.

Now—thanks to the Cullens—I was receiving actually medical care. Carlisle examined my progress daily, anxious to see me well nearly as much as Edward. I was receiving my own personalized cocktail of medications to manage my pain and symptoms, as well as three good meals a day—for once in my life I was not entirely filled with agonizing pain and fatigue.

Despite these new advantages, my body had hardly shown much improvement, but there were subtle differences that showed the slight progress of time. I was impatient with my all limitations, often annoyed that I couldn't move very much without assistance, especially when living with such graceful and unlimited beings.

To distract myself I took to finishing my schoolwork in the excess of down time, and had completed almost all that was required this semester, which I would be finishing remotely given my current situation. It was a relief not to have to attend school in such a state.

Now that I'd finished all the homework for the year I was left to my own rumination, which I'd been trying to avoid entirely.

The others had gone back to school for appearances, and with Carlisle working his regular shifts at the hospital, it was just me and Esme all day until they returned, not that I ever minded her company.

She was quickly becoming a mothering figure in my life, something I hadn't had since I was very young. We'd had so much time to talk, that eventually I'd told her this much, and about my mother's death.
Esme angry was a rare sight, I'd learned, but her discovery of this had enraged the usually gentle woman.

We were currently sitting in her garden pavilion, surrounded by the late spring blooms of her wonderfully crafted work. I sipped the tea she'd made for me, grateful for her consideration and for the idea to spend the day outdoors for a change.

As I took in the late afternoon sun amongst the flowers, she read her novel contentedly. I allowed my mind to wander freely for the first time since that night, readjusting my casted leg on the wicker ottoman as I contemplated everything all at once.

It was hard not to feel overwhelmed by gratitude and anxiety. The duality of emotions always lingered and crashed against my heart in waves in the silent moments. The fear of abandonment—the idea that this new life I'd been given wasn't real—was crushing when I allowed myself to feel openly. I knew I had to accept these feelings in order to move on, but I couldn't bring myself to think, for fear of being consumed by them.

Esme suddenly closed her book, not bothering to mark her page as she stood and looked around, a serene look on her face.

"Bella, there's a few things I've been meaning to give to you, if you'll accept them. I understand that you're overwhelmed with everything changing, but I never want you to doubt or think that we wouldn't take care of you." She paused, reaching into a small basket she'd left beside her chair. How she'd been able to understand my thoughts was beyond me, but I know my face is often easily read.

She handed me then a delicately wrapped package, lightly covered in pastel tissue paper and tied with a simple length of twine. I took the package with shaking hands, my mind racing to decipher what she meant.

"Esme, you've already given me so much...I don't think—" I started, only to be cut off as she raised her hand and shook her head.

"Please, Bella. It would mean a lot to us—all of us—for you to have a way to stay connected and to have the freedoms we share to purchase things you'd like. Maybe you can find something fun to do in your free time, like how I enjoy gardening, or Alice enjoys fashion." She smiled kindly, openly inviting me to explore new hobbies.