curious | abbymax

Risk

Abby's POV:
Today was a particularly bad day for Abby, it was the weekend and all she had done was lay in bed rotting away in her own tears. She knows this isn't healthy, in fact nothing she's been doing lately is healthy, but it felt like it was too late to stop. Abby couldn't stop making herself throw up, couldn't stop hating herself, couldn't stop replaying her kiss with Max, couldn't stop this toxic situationship she had going with Press, couldn't stop any of it. She just let it happen. Speaking of Press, she still hadn't replied to his texts.
Abby opened the iMessage app, and scrolled through his texts. She didn't have read receipts on, of course, because she was a coward. Wow, he really blew up her phone. You see, they were supposed to meet up the night of Abby and Max's sleepover, but she canceled at the last minute with no explanation because Max had invited her and she just couldn't say no to her. So Press was frustrated with her to say the least, even more frustrated with her now that she hadn't replied to his texts in two days. His most recent text said "Let's talk, Abs." She was just about to start typing a response when she got another message notification, this one from Max, and it read, "Hey, can we talk?"
What were the chances? In this moment, Abby found herself at a crossroads, but it was really more like she was stuck between a rock and a hard place because she was dreading both conversations. She couldn't face Press after having kissed someone else, a girl, because, despite the fact they were definitely not exclusive, she still felt guilty, and she wasn't even sure if she liked guys anymore. She couldn't face Max because, well, she was the girl she kissed. Regardless, a choice had to be made. Predictably, Abby chose Max, because of course she did. Also, Max lived closer and Abby could be quite lazy sometimes.
"Sure, what about?" Abby replied to Max. She could see three dots appear then disappear as Max started to type, then stopped, and it made her even more nervous. Finally, Max replied.
"Us."
Abby's stomach dropped as she read the single word response, and she quickly texted Max back.
"I'll be there in 10."
-
There Abby stood, face to face with Max's front door, anxiously waiting for her friend to open it. She had just knocked mere seconds ago when Max threw the door open wildly.
"Hi." Max smiled at Abby.
"Hi." A small smile spread on Abby's face at the sight of the other girl. She didn't let herself smile fully though. She was still freaking out internally. There's no way her friendship with Max would make it out unscathed after this conversation.
"Come in." Max gestured inside with her hands.
Abby stepped in hesitantly. The walk to Max's bedroom was dead silent. Abby thought they had eased the awkwardness between them the morning after the sleepover but it felt like it was back in full force now.
"By the way, my parents are out on a date and Marcus is out doing...something." Max mentions casually as she shuts her bedroom door.
"He's probably doing Ginny." Abby points out.
"Ew." They both laughed. It got silent again.
"So-" Abby said suddenly.
"I want-" Max said at the same time.
"Oh, sorry, go ahead." Max apologized.
"No, that's okay, you're the one who wanted to talk anyway, you go." Abby bit her lip anxiously.
"Well. I know we said it would be just one kiss. Actually, I'M the one that said that. But, God, Abby... There's something there, isn't there? I can't stop thinking about our kiss, as hard as I've tried to get it out of my mind and distract myself, it always comes back to that kiss. And I know that it's crazy, completely mad, and you're still figuring out your sexuality, but I want to kiss you again. No, I don't want to. I need to. I need YOU. And I know it can't just be me, cause you said you liked it, and when I was kissing you I could tell you liked it. More than liked it. Our kiss was... electric. So tell me, am I crazy, or do you feel that spark between us?" Max looked into Abby's eyes expectantly.
Abby stared back at Max in disbelief, there was no way this was really happening. She felt like she was in a movie and this was just a dream sequence. But as she looked at Max's form in front of her, beautiful and longing and really there, she realized this was real. Max really said all those things. Max liked her back.
"Max," Abby sighed in relief. "You have no idea how glad I am to hear that. I feel the same. I thought I was going insane with how much I've been replaying our kiss. I still feel like I'm going insane, like this can't be real. One second I wasn't sure if I even liked girls, the next... I can't believe you feel the same. You have no idea how much I wanted this. Wanted you."
"Same," Max said, reaching across and grabbing Abby's hand. "Plus, this doesn't have to make things weird between us, y'know? Our friendship doesn't have to change. We'll still be us, just with some fooling around. Maybe we can make out or hook up every once in a while. And it can help you figure out your sexuality. It's not that big of a deal, really." Max smiled at Abby with a chuckle. "It's not like we're in love or anything."
Abby's stomach dropped. The smile wiped clean off her face. This was not the mutual confession of love she had been thinking it was. It was at that thought that Abby realized it. She loved Max. Was IN LOVE with her. She didn't even have to figure out her sexuality anymore because she already knew it, had always known it, deep down. She liked girls, only girls, only Max. Abby could feel the color drain from her face as her mouth hung open helplessly. Max's eyebrows furrowed.
"What's wrong? What did I say? I'm sorry, I've never done this before." Max apologized.
Abby barely heard her as she thought about the situation she ended up in. What Max was suggesting was a no strings attached, friends with benefits arrangement. It was honestly more than Abby was expecting to get. She decided then and there that she would take whatever Max had to offer her. She would hold back her feelings and work with what's given to her. Limited intimacy was better than none at all.
"I'm fine, I actually think that sounds great, I just think maybe we need to set some ground rules before we start this." Abby was following what she heard in movies and books, not what her heart was telling her. In reality, she did not want any rules in the way, she desperately wanted to do what she wanted, not have to hold back what she felt for Max, but it seemed that friends with benefits was the route Max wanted to go down, so she did her best to go along with it.
"Yeah, that's a good idea. Um, how about we keep this separate from us as a part of MANG and don't let it seep into how we act as friends. Like church and state. I mean, obviously we'll be keeping this a secret from all our friends, we can't tell anyone."
"Obviously," Abby agreed, even though it wasn't obvious at all, none of this was. "Maybe let's try not to get our feelings involved, keeping in mind that it's strictly sexual and not romantic." Abby's heart cracked a little bit more with each word she said, not meaning a word of it, and hating herself for doing this. She knew it was a bad idea. Knew there were so many ways this could go wrong. Knew it was a huge risk, but she also knew she'd do anything to have Max in this capacity, even if she could only have a bit of her, so if the risk meant she could have Max, she would take it.
"Well duh, that's the whole point of these rules. What, are you worried I'm gonna fall for you, Abs? I mean, you are pretty irresistible." Max laughed.
Abby struggled to force out a fake laugh, knowing she had already fallen for Max, and she was totally, irrevocably, screwed.