Let Me Protect You (Sahyo)

chapter 12.1

Jihyo closed the door behind her, watching Sana head directly to the cupboard by the television cabinet, as if she’s lived in this house for years. She pulled out the red and white canvas bag that held all of Jihyo's first-aid items, uttering lowly about how she saw it the previous time she was over when Jihyo gave her a puzzled look.

She wordlessly motioned for the younger girl to sit down, and so Jihyo complied, sitting cross-legged on the cold floor with her scratched up hand on the coffee table. Sana dropped the first aid kit on the table, hovering around the space until she decided how she was going to sit, grabbing a cushion off the couch and putting it on her lap as she kneeled down next to Jihyo.

She pulled her hand onto the cushion, dabbing the antiseptic lightly with a cotton bud at the scratches and listening out for sounds of pain or flinching, relieved when she heard none. It was quiet, as she worked at it silently while feeling Jihyo's weighted stare at the top of her head. It was one beat of silence too much for the both of them, and Jihyo was the first to break.

“You shouldn’t have shouted at that girl like that.” She knew it was a risky thing to say, when the hand wrapping the bandage around her wrist stopped instantly. Still, she waited impatiently for a reply.

“I’m only sorry because Momo has to clean up my mess. Not sorry about standing up to her, though.” Sana clipped the ends of the bandage, finishing off the dressing neatly, but not letting the hand go. Her fingers threaded through Jihyo's, and the younger girl instinctively curled her fingers, holding her hand back just as tightly. 

“She just wanted to pass a gift to you, it was an accident that it scratched me.” Realistically, Sana knew that to be true. The gift was probably now in smithereens somewhere on the floor of that hallway, already chipped from when she gripped the fan’s wrist so hard that it fell through her fingers. The gift must have taken some time and effort to prepare, so was the fan overzealous? Yeah, definitely. But did the fan intend to hurt Jihyo? Most probably not.

Even though she could rationalise it in her mind, she still can’t help feeling nothing but anger, and defensive of the way she reacted.

“We should be eating dinner at a restaurant by now, but here we are doing this, Jihyo. Is this just going to keep happening? As long as you’re working for me?”

“Sana, it’s an accident. I’ll just be more careful next time.”

“Yeah but everything before wasn’t an accident. You jumping in at every chance to shelter me, your protectiveness, everything. If this is how you are just as someone hired to guard me then what happens when-” The words came tumbling out, but Sana stopped it short. “...If. If we become anything more than this. Then what, Ji?”

The implication hung in the air between them, neither of them breathing easy. 

“Is this what you’re afraid of? This… is what’s holding us back?” Jihyo's voice came out soft, like she barely wanted an answer to her question.

“This. And other things. But answer my question first. Are you just going to keep doing this.” Sana won’t let her slide this time, not like the countless other times they’ve had this conversation and Jihyo just decided to get cute with it to avoid actually addressing it. 

“What do you want me to do about it? This is who I am. What do you expect me to do then, just let you get mobbed by that crowd? You want me not to give a shit about you? Then fine, I’ll give you space-”

“Oh for fucks sake I don’t need space, Ji.” Sana released the grip she had on Jihyo's hand to bury her face in her palms. Breathe in and out. 

“Then what do you want from me Sana? Quit my job?” The guard raised her voice, exasperation thick in her tone.

“I can’t have you being anymore reckless than you already are, which you will be because you’re a stubborn piece of shit who puts literally everyone before yourself and you don’t fucking care about yourself and don’t you see how that’s going to hurt the people who give two shits about you and-”