Will It Always Be Me?

. three .

I'm not ready.

I'm not ready for everything that is about to happen or for everything that is unknown at this point. Things can go left very quickly and that is what terrifies me the most. It would haunt me for the rest of my life if my actions caused harm to those I care about. The ones who became my family.

Maybe I should back out and think about this more. But what if that ends with me being too late? If I do nothing then I'm fucked. If I do something then I'm also fucked. This is ridiculous. I'm stressing like I'm 30 and I'm only 15. I'm supposed to be having fun right now and all I can think about is how fast this is about to go down hill.

Sometimes I wonder if I've gone a little nuts over time. Any normal person would've given up on Kazutora right? I can't say it wouldn't be for a good reason, but is it really worth it? I mean I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel foolish also. Sticking around all this time with mostly, if not all, insults in return.

It's almost laughable how absurd it is. But I guess somewhere in my mind, I'd like to think that someone would do the same for me if the roles were reversed. However, I'm paying the price with my own downward spiral while trying to get him out of his. Like I said, it's laughable.

I can see the bikes of the other members as I pull up to the warehouse. I can feel the tingles going through my body. I love it. I loved this. This unexplainable feeling I always get when we all get together. It's a rush I never wanted to ever let go of.

"Good evening Lady President!"

The group of members split in the middle to let me through to the front. Finally making it, I turned to look at all of their faces scanning the crowd.

"Wisteria! I know we aren't meant to have a meeting this soon, however, I'm pretty sure you all have noticed how quiet it has been." Several of them nodded their heads while others shrugged and looked around.

"It's not going to stay that way for long. Something is brewing in the wind and I want all of you to be on your toes and watching each other's backs. Understood?"

"Yes, Lady President." All of them shouted in unison.

I sighed, "One last thing I would like to say." I swallowed hard before I glanced around at them one more time.

"As of this moment I, Sunny, the First Generation President of Wisteria, am stepping down."

An uproar would be an understatement to describe all of their reactions.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Ivy?" Ichiro practically screamed at me. I could see Red tearing up out of the corner of my eye. But I didn't dare look at any of them in the face. The continuous shouts of protest from the members was enough to make my heart clench.

"I leave you all in the hands of Ichiro Sawamura. We stand for each other as we move as one! Meeting adjourned!"

Heaviness still weighed in the air as I watched the lower members slowly make their way out after giving me one last look. Although I got through that one hurdle, it seemed like I had a hundred more breathing down my neck as I slowly turned to look at the captains of my former gang.

"Why are you leaving us Sunny?" Red cried out. He almost knocked me over when he ran to cry on my shoulder.

"Look guys-"

"No!" Ichiro exclaimed. "What the fuck are you planning Ivy? Huh?"

"Well I-"

"Shut up! You think leaving the gang is going to solve anything? You're doing all this for him, why? We all agreed when we first started this gang to stick by one another no matter what and you decide to throw it all away? To save a guy who hasn't even treated you like a friend from the start? Who hasn't had your back at all!"

"I know Ichi-"

"I said shut it!" How many times is he going to interrupt me? He roughly grabbed me by the collar while pushing Red to the side in the process. I'm kind of starting to regret my decision. I've never seen him so angry before nor has he ever put his hands on me.

"H-hey guys! Maybe we should all just breathe and calm down for a second." I could see the nervousness on Kenji's face. I can't blame him. It has gone downhill very quickly. The second Ichiro grabbed my jacket the air got ten times thicker than it already was.

"Ichi-nii, please let her go." Red said tearily. He said it so quietly even I could barely hear it and he's standing right next to me.

"Look, you got two choices. Either you take back your spot as president and we move past this like it never happened or you stand by what you said but you have to let us help you. We move as one remember?"

I started to say something but then I stopped. I looked at each of their faces and right then I knew my decision wasn't changing.

"I'm not returning as president." I sighed, "and we've already talked about how I still refuse to let any of you get involved in my selfish pursuit to stop him and get him back. I love you guys too much to let anything happen to you because of a decision I've made."

"You're not fighting alone. I'm not allowing it." Kenzo stated. "You're going against our whole motto. Is he really worth it?"

I look up to the moon through the giant hole in the middle of the abandoned warehouse ceiling. Finally I looked back at them with a small smile, "He is. But hear me when I say this, no matter if I'm the president or not and no matter what happens from this point forward, I'm still here. I'm always one call away with a shoulder you can lean on."

"It goes both ways, forever and always." Ichiro said while looking at me through his lashes. "Group hug!" Red yelled before he tackled me to the ground. Slowly the others joined us.

"Forever and always boys."