Believe in Me

1

"He did WHAT?!" Danielle screamed through the phone.

I pulled the phone away from my ear. Why did she have to be so loud? But I love her. She's my best friend, who always gets more mad about the situation than I do. Every time...

I sighed and pulled the phone back to my ear. "I don't know how much more I can take of this."

I heard Danielle's annoyed sigh. "Dump his ass, duh! What do you mean, 'I don't know--'" 

Just as I was about to get a lecture from her, I heard his car pull up outside. I peeked out of the window. Yup, it's his car pulling in my drive. 

I quickly cut her off. "Danielle, I have to go."

"No, nuh-uh! You get back here right now! You don't let him apologize with flowers and kisses and sweet words this time! You have evidence! Dump his ass and come over!"

I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing she's right. I need to dump him. This is the fourth time this month that he's "gone out with friends," and last night, during one of his outings, I got a message from an internet friend from another girl's social network, showing her sitting in a skimpy outfit on my boyfriend's lap, kissing him. I had gone into an emotional spiral and immediately called Danielle. What else was I supposed to do?

I heard the door open downstairs and quickly shut my phone. For whatever reason, I quickly ran and hid in the bathroom. Just as I closed the bathroom door, I heard my front door shut. It was silent for a moment, and then I heard the keys hit the counter and his voice call my name upstairs.

"Vicky?"

His voice sounded so normal. Like he hadn't done anything. Like he was innocent. How could he.. How could he walk into my house, like he does every time he comes home from a night out, and just... get away with it? Why do I let him get away with it?

I stood over the sink, listening to the pounding of my heartbeat.  I need to end this today. It has to end. I have to go out there and kick him out. Send him out to the streets, I don't care. I just can't have him here anymore. It's toxic. He's toxic.

.....So why can't I make myself do it?

I hear him coming up the stairs. "Vic?" He calls again. 

I squeeze the countertop, my knuckles turning white. Stop it, tears. I can't let him know I know. I want to see if he tells me the truth. Against my better judgement, that's the only thing I can think of to calm me down. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Just like I always do.

I quickly flush the toilet and call back out, "I'll be out in a sec!" My voice was unnervingly calm and collected, despite feeling choked up moments ago. I turn on the water to the sink and splash my face a few times, then take a drink of the warm liquid to help soothe my sore throat. After drying my hands and face, I look myself in the mirror. Today is the day.

I step out of the bathroom and nearly bump into him. He stops and jerks back in shock, clearly not expecting me to rush out so quickly. "Whoa, hey, someone seems excited to see me." Darren makes the joke so calmly as he wraps his arms around my waist. His voice is so alluring, I can never keep my head on straight. Snap out of it, I tell myself.

Nervously, I peel his arms off of me. His touch is so sweet, but it makes me sick to know that he had them wrapped around someone else. I step past him, and I can tell there's a hurt in his eyes. Whether it's real or not, I can't tell. 

"Babe, are you ok? Did I do something wrong?" 

I look away from him, unable to follow through if he keeps looking at me like that.

"I don't know. Did you?" I ask him, trying to keep my voice calm.

He hesitates, clearly trying to take in my demeanor. Is he trying to think of a lie? Is he going to gaslight me? Tell me I'm crazy for thinking something like this? Tell me I'm "overthinking" again, and his "night out" was simply that? A night out?

The silence seems to last forever, until he finally lets out a long sigh. "So you saw the picture?"

My head snaps up to him. He's running his fingers this his hair, clearly agitated, but his eyes say something else. He's not upset with me, as far as I can tell. In fact, he looks...guilty? 

He's not even denying it. He knows what I saw. I try to swallow the lump in my throat. "Who was she?"

He looks up at me, his eye brimming with fear and guilt. "She was someone Michael invited. She kept coming onto me all night. I tried to get her to stop, but she just wouldn't take no for an answer. I swear, we did nothing. She forced herself on me and took the picture, then posted it onto her socials. You can ask Dean, or Shawn!" 

I can't seriously be believing him right now, can I? He seemed just as into that kiss as she was. Besides, I doubt his friends would deny it. What's that saying I hear them say all the time, "Bros before Hoes"? But his voice, his eyes, everything about him... I want to believe him. He didn't even deny it. He admitted to having that girl there, kissing him and taking the photo.

I don't have words. What could I say to him? I wanted to tell him to get out, but.. he seems so sincere. What if I'm wrong? What if I really am looking into it?

He seems to sense my doubt, because he swiftly wraps his arms around me and gently strokes my hair, burying my face into his chest. "I promise you, I didn't do anything with her. I won't go to any more bars with the boys, if it makes you feel better. We can start having the parties here, if you prefer." He pulls my face from his chest and uses his thumb to tilt my chin up towards him. He places a soft kiss on my lips, then speaks softly. "I never want you to doubt me. I would never hurt you."

Once again, I melt. I  fall into his hands. I give him a small smile, nodding gently. He returns my smile, seeming relieved, before kissing my forehead. He looks down at me again. "Do you have any other questions?"

I think about it for a second, debating. "Did...anything like this happen at the other outings?" My voice is soft, barely above a whisper. I had never actually had evidence of anything, and he never spoke of another girl during the other outings he'd had with the boys, but seeing this picture today had me worried about all the other times he went out with his friends.

He smiled softly and shook his head. "No, this was the first. And I can guarantee you, this will be the last."

I nodded again, fully believing him, but a voice in the back of my mind kept telling me I shouldn't. I wish I had listened to that voice.