MANGO MILKSHAKE

chapter 2

I woke up with a heavy knock on my door. I searched for my phone. It was morning and my room was fairly dark due to my habit of closing each and every window, door, creek and corner before going to sleep. It's only the ventilation slit that is keeping me alive. Ironically, my habit of keeping myself inside darkness has surpassed the physical means to stigmatise my subconscious too. Upon finding my phone I noticed it was eight in the morning already. I hurriedly rushed towards the door to let everyone know I've not hung myself just to turn down a marriage proposal. My mother was standing in front of me holding some packages. She extended those towards me.
"Keep these with you, wear some of these when the boy family visits" she handed the package to me and left my half sane sleep induced self wondering without any explanation.
I peeked at packages to find some jewelleries and clothes inside. I sighed thinking today is going to be an absolute clown show. After opening the windows I scrolled through my phone and surprisingly found a message from my brother.
"I'm sending you ten thousands as bribes just don't create any drama today" a plain bland message from my trophy brother.
"I'll give you another twenty if everything goes well" another slap on my broke self.
I don't want anyone to think they can lure me to do anything by the force of money.
"A drama is absolutely happening today" I whispered under my breath. I tidy up the bed. I went to the bathroom to freshen myself up. While brushing my teeth I fell into a spiral of thought... I wondered how I no longer put affords to brush every corner of my mouth, no longer look at the mirror to grin at my reflection, no longer panicking over blood pricking through my gums. Probably I'm really getting old. Not aging like a fine wine but definitely getting older.

Warm water trickled through my bare face and slowly made my way towards my neck and then to the ground. I closed my eyes under the shower. If my seventeen year old self knew things would turn out to be like this she would have jumped in front of traffic sooner. Right now my twenty five year old self can't do this. A brown woman in her mid twenties committing suicide prior to her marriage proposal only raises rumours against her not sympathy. People will automatically start spreading fake stories and spill mud on the entire bloodline saying the woman was ruined, desperate and was lacking chastity. A woman even when she's deceased isn't spared in this society. It scares living hell out of me. Being a woman isn't a blessing especially when you're supposed to serve the patriarchal society. I laughed at myself. Laughed at everyone who thinks equality is even an option in this world. Walking out of the shower the first thing I noticed was the scattered jewelleries and clothes on my bed that I neatly cleaned half an hour ago.
Beside the mess there was my cousin sitting calmly.
"Long time no see" she grinned.
"I reckon that I saw you last week" I rolled my eyes. "Why are you here?" A genuine curiosity creeped on me.
"Your mother asked me to help you, erm.. well to do your hair and makeup probably" she looked around the stuff scattered on the bed.
"Great, everyone is welcome to a great Indian circus, I might do a back flip too" I let out a frustrated sigh out of my lungs.
"I understand your frustration apa (sister) but there's no other way, you know the culture and the rules, right ?" she looked at her palms probably wondering what the point of having different palm lines is if all average brown girls get the same fate.
"Jiya, you're still young, you don't have to understand it now, go downstairs, help my mother instead " I tried to sound casual but it came off as a command. I sighed.
Jiya didn't say anything and left the room sluggishly. Infront of dressing table I fixed my half wet hair. Jiya was still young, a nineteen year old should not be concerned about things like marriage. She is taller than me by an inch or two, has straighter and longer hair almost reached her hip bones, more feminine features and overall a pretty face with fair skin. According to some aunts, she looks as old as I'm but more elegant and charming which I agree wholeheartedly. My parents will definitely hide her from the boy's family in case they fall for her charms and take her as a bride instead. It has happened in a lot of families before. If it was not Jiya's bonding with me then I'd have planned to throw her under the bus to save myself. Alright I'm not a bad cousin, not a snake at all.

The clock was ticking, none communicated with me about anything the entire day. I was more than grateful for that. At 3 pm, there was a stable knock on my door, I put the copy of "No longer human" on the table to look at the guest in front which was none other than my mother and my cousin.

"Yes?"
"Yaseen and his family will be there by 5 pm, you should get ready" my mother pointed out.
"What kind of costume should I be wearing then? Must entertain the guest rightfully" I vexed
"Don't be like this Ayat, just choose anything among the clothes I've given you" she shook her head in frustration
"You should go now, me and Jiya will figure it out" I grabbed Jiya's hand.
"Ha Aunty. Ami sob samle nebo. (Yes aunty, I'll manage it all" Jiya cheered.
"Han betu, tumi e samlao tomar adh pagli apa k( yes baby, now you make your half mad elder sister understand)" mother left the room frustrated.
"Apa, choose a dress among these"
I looked at the dazzling, bright clothes in front of me. The colour of the clothes reminded me of the pride parade. If I wear one of these, I'd surely look like an over dressed male bird trying to impress an absolutely nonchalant and unimpressed female bird. I rubbed my temples then got out of bed and walked towards my wardrobe.
"Ayat apa, what happened?"
"I'm not wearing any of those sequin dresses, they look ridiculous" i sneered.
"Ouch apa !! These are my clothes, don't insult them" Jiya sounded somewhat offended,
"Dresses are okay but they'll look awful on me, not my style you know " I searched through the wardrobe for anything suitable for a first date since the situation is kind of similar.

I finally found a maroon knee length dress with a belt which will go fine with some leggings. Probably have to style it with suitable accessories.

"I'm wearing this" i declared proudly.

Jiya looked wide eyed. She looked like she couldn't believe in her eyes.
"Are you kidding? This is not a dinner date. Elderly parents will be there" jiya almost screeched.

"Come on Jiya!! The more unimpressed they are, the better it is for me. Also one should always stay truthful with their style, wearing a different outfit will be deceitful to the other family" I spoke my genuine thoughts

"Aunty will not be very fond of your outstanding reasoning"

"Who's trying to impress her? Not me. Forget about everything Jiya, just choose some suitable jewel for me"

After an hour and half of painstaking permutations and combinations, I finally managed to look decent and presentable with all the make up, hair done. Jiya looked satisfied with her handy work too. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that if today I fail to jeopardize the entire commotion without letting the elders know then I might have to get married for real. I felt my stomach churning and throat getting stiff only by the thought of marriage and whatever comes after next.
Finally the doorbell rang. It was there. Show is starting. Life is weird. One moment ago, I was seventeen with lots of hopes and dreams then again in a split of second, I'm twenty five figuring out where all my dreams went.

After fifteen minutes of everlasting silence, I got called from downstairs. Jiya said a few words of motivation which didn't reach my auditory nerves.
As I stepped down the staircases, all I could remember is that I'm not seventeen anymore.