MANGO MILKSHAKE

Chapter 14

"Ayat, Ayat? AYAT?"  Yaseen is sitting right in front of me yet his voice seemed like a distant echo coming from frosty mountains.

"What?" His sudden intrusion into my idle thoughts made me a little startled.

"Where's your mind?"  Yaseen's concerned eyes searched for answers.

"It's nothing." I lied. My mind is everywhere, I'm thinking the unthinkable, the things I've in my head can fill up a book with five hundred pages. "What do you want?"

"It's almost the end of the month and there's something I need to tell you." He looked taken aback. I suppose he'll request me for something.

"You're running low on money? Nah, you're too wealthy for that."  I joked to make the conversation easier for him. This is the one thing I'm doing ever since we've moved in.

"Ayaat~ NERD family wants your presence in the venue for republic day, they want to give you a small party as a welcome gift." He said while chewing on the half burned deformed roti that he insisted to eat even after my disapproval. To him, if it's edible enough then better not waste it.

"What family?" I probably have misheard the name, I asked again.

"National Education and Resolution Department - NERD... It's my institute's subunit I work in." He gave a embarrassed smile.

"Almost comical but I won't judge." I quietly giggled while sipping the remaining soup from my bowl, the idea of the bunch of intellectuals teaching complex theories in a dept called NERD is hilarious.

" I know. The director is lunatic. He always chooses weird names for departments. NERD is better, there's a subgroup of the talent search committee which is called STD"  He looks defeated.

"NO WAY!" This was my last straw. I started laughing hysterically. "What that even supposed to mean?" The director must be sniffing cracks in his leisure time.

"Student's Talent Developer." He crossed his arms. "Don't laugh while eating, you'll choke." 

"Let me, I've not laughed so much in a while" I stood up to put the dirty plates in the sink and leftover food inside the fridge.

"Really? I thought you're having all the quality time  and laughing gags with Raya over the video calls when you're home alone." For a moment his voice sounded woven with uncertain emotions but I believe it's just a light-hearted teasing.

His words aren't that deep yet I fell into a spiral of thoughts while cleaning the dining table. They're all must be thinking that I'm really happy. No.. no.. no.. they all believe I'm happier than ever. My parents, all the relatives and friends must be thinking I'm living a life that every woman wishes for. Even Yaseen can't see it despite being so close to me. Ever since this year has started which is almost twenty four days, I only washed dishes and clothes, cooked food, bought groceries and pretended that the person I'm staying with is my precious husband while we're in public. I know he tries. But the problem is me, I've gotten myself into something that I've never planned for just because I felt responsible as a daughter of my parents. For some reasons, everything has fallen apart. How am I supposed to live peacefully when I already know the only problem is me? To be honest, I'm just being harsh on myself. I'm forcing myself to do things that are not meant for me. I'm refusing certain reality and merging my life with my ideal imagination. I know I'm not going anywhere with this attitude of mine.

"Students really want to meet you. If you don't want to then I'll just give them some generic excuses."  Yaseen stood next to me as I let the tap water run through the dirty dishes.

"I think I'll. A room full of nerds would be amusing to observe. I'm also tired of rotting inside the room everyday."  I scrubbed the steel plate slowly. Maybe being introduced as Yaseen's wife at his workplace will give me a sense of security or maybe it'll spark some joy within me to be outside of this 2BHK apartment full of nothingness.