Out of Our Hands

Bailey

Why hadn't I just stayed up a little later? When Tanner called me, it was only 12 am in Oregon. Yes, it was still late, but out of everyone in the family, it would have been most reasonable for me to pick up the call. I was so tired from work earlier in the day that I was a zombie when I got home. I spent the rest of the day watching movies. Greg had to stay on site for his job, so I would be at home alone. I saw no need to stay up late, so when it got to around 10:30, I went to bed. I felt like I got punched in the stomach when I woke up to the missed call from Tanner. What could he have possibly needed at that hour? It was well known throughout the family that I was the one who Tanner went to when he needed help.

We were always close. He was such a good little brother and would be up to do anything with me. When he was really little he would let me paint his nails, even though he would go rinse them as soon as I was done. As a kid he would always let my friends and I dress him up and perform fashion shows for us. When I got to high school and started driving, I was allowed to go anywhere as long as I brought Tanner with me. Even if that wasn't a rule my parents gave, I would take Tanner with me regardless. This one time in high school, I had a crush on a baseball player from a nearby school. I bribed Tanner with ice cream so that he would come watch the baseball game with me. 

But what I think really made us bond close was how I would always save him at night growing up. What I mean by save is how I would take Tanner out of his room when he was afraid of the dark. It happened on more than one occasion. By time he was five, mom and dad told Tanner that he could no longer sleep in their bed with them. They would put him to bed and walk out, closing the door. After a couple minutes, Tanner would call for mom and dad. When they didn't answer, he would call for me, who slept a few rooms away. I remember one of the nights where he was calling for me more than usual. His calls for me soon turned into a cry. I opened his bedroom door and entered slowly. 

"Did you have a rough nightmare?" I asked him. Tanner nodded his head in agreement. I walked closer to his bed. "Want to come back to my room?"

"Mom and dad said I have to get used to sleeping in my own bed. But I don't like being in the dark alone."

"Yeah, I understand. I don't like the dark that much either."

"How do you sleep in your room by yourself then?"

"Well, as I got older I realized that there is nothing that's going to get us. Our minds play tricks on us into thinking we see or hear things in the dark. And even if there was something, mom and dad are here to protect us." I could tell Tanner was taking in what I was saying but he didn't say anything back. "But it does take some time to get over the dark. So, how about you come back into my room for the night and get some good quality sleep?"

"Yes please!" I then lifted up Tanner out of his bed and carried him back to my room. I wouldn't get yelled at by my parents for taking Tanner back to my room, but they communicated that they thought I was stunting the process of him learning to sleep in his own bed. I encouraged Tanner to sleep in his own bed, but there were some nights where he was just not having it. So we made a plan: I would bring him back to my bed, but he would have to promise to wake up super early in the morning and go back to his own bed so it looked like he slept there the whole time. This plan worked like a charm and my parents never had any idea. Eventually, Tanner got comfortable sleeping on his own. 

As we grew up, Tanner continued to ask me for help and always wanted to hang out. Even when I moved out, are bond was never weakened. Even though it was quite noticeable to everyone, I was the first to point out how Tanner's how demeanor had changed upon his freshman year of college. But he had really started to shut down. I was always the one to approach him and ask what was wrong, but I could barely get an answer from him anymore. He would usually go on rants about his roommate or about the football team, but not much of anything else. During my trip to airport and on the plane ride, all I thought about was the context of Tanner's call. I started to think that maybe he knew about the whole family's surprise visit. The call was just him wanting to communicate how excited he was. But then I realized that out of everyone in the family, I would be the most likely to expose the surprise. So unless he figured out we were all coming to see him himself, I doubted that was the reason behind the call. Before I left the airport I texted and called Tanner back. I got nothing in return. I texted the rest of the family in a group chat and everyone seemed to have no luck getting into contact with Tanner. I found it crazy how none of us managed to wake up to the phone call. But then again, I would be seeing him soon and this mystery would be solved. Maybe it was as simple as a butt dial, a butt dial to the whole family that is. 

It was great to be back with the family. After I reclaimed by bags, we waited for Lincoln's shoes to finally finish getting shined. Lincoln never arrived anywhere with a serious attitude. I know he probably did the shoe shining thing to make me and everyone laugh, but I would have rather appreciated a hug. And instead of a hug or a "welcome home!" I instead got a "welcome back from rehab!" This caused people nearby to all stare at me which I hated and Lincoln knew I hated. Regardless, I got to be back with my brother, and I was going to appreciate that time, whether he was messing with me or not. We then made our way to the van. I loved when dad brought these transit vans home because it always reminded me of some big event. I remember coming home from school when I was younger and seeing the van parked in the driveway before our family trip to Florida.  

We took the van back to McDonald's and went in to get a quick bite. I was always so hungry after traveling on the plane. I refused to eat or drink before or on the plane. I always had the feeling that if I did eat or drink, I would get a terrible stomachache which would making the traveling process miserable. My family watched in horror as I engulfed a Big Mac. 

After we ate, we set sail for Obion to finally pick up Tanner. I rode with Mom and Amanda while the boys took off in the transit. None of us had yet to receive a text or call back from Tanner. After a failed call attempt by my mom, she texted Tanner that she was on her way to pick him up. I really hoped Tanner had everything packed up and ready. While I didn't mind helping him move, I was ready to just all relax as a family and not have any commitments. I asked Mom if Chloee would be joining us but she said Tanner told her that Chloee had to remain on campus for exams. My mom added that Tanner and Chloee's relationship seemed off and that she hadn't seen them together in forever. Although, Tanner claimed that he and Chloee would go on dates every couple of weekends when they were both free. It did seem a little odd considering how much time the two spent together all throughout high school. Neither of them were clingy but they were truly best friends and did everything together. While I applauded Tanner for not having social media, I often wish he did so I could see what he was up to in his free time. I selfishly wished he had an account that I could stalk through to see if him and Chloee were still getting along. I'm sure they were find though. They had found each other at the beginning of freshman year of high school and stayed together strong throughout their high school journey. I doubted that two hours of separation would destroy their relationship. 

It didn't take us long to get to Obion. The small campus looked beautiful on this sunny day. You could feel the good vibes around campus as students were out throwing the frisbee around. Some students were also starting the move out process. After a couple turns we arrived outside of Tanner's dorm.