If You Want

2~ I Had a Dream the Other Night

~The Doctor's POV~

I woke up from an odd dream at precisely 2:10 AM that night. I was only human now, but I still had a Time Lord's exact sense of the minutes and hours of the universe. I was in a new bed in the Tyler mansion, and all I could think of besides the dream was that it was too cold, too silent, and too lonely. Nothing like my warm, lullaby-rocking TARDIS.

My dream wasn't a nightmare, but it was a nightmarish realization that the dream gave me. I dreamed about a fear I never thought I would have, but that I knew humans had all too often. Something I would have to get used to, or else I would simply go mad.

Quite simply, I dreamed about dying. Obviously, as a conscious creature of the universe, I had dreamed about it before; especially during and directly after the Time War. But it had never worried me as much as that night, because I always knew that as a Time Lord, I would regenerate. Of course, that would mean changing my appearance, stepping into a whole new body, and leaving the body I was used to running away in. But I would still be the Doctor; I would still be living.

But the dream dropped the fact heavily on my worrying mind: as a one-hearted human, I only get one life. I knew this already, but it hadn't really occurred to me that I had to be very careful with my life now. I already had to before- I never wanted to place the stress of a man rearranging his whole DNA structure right in front of them on my companions- but now, it wasn't just so I would keep a face I or my friends are rather fond of; it was about staying alive. It was about constantly running from the monsters of death. And most of all, it was about protecting Rose and keeping her happy, I thought. It worked two ways: if Rose died, I wouldn't have anyone to love, and I would be devastated and probably die of heartbreak. And if I died, Rose would be alone, and I never wanted to make her sad like that ever again.

These thoughts reeled through my brain, making me dizzy, and making my single heart ache. Since there was only one now, the ache couldn't lessen by dividing the pain between two hearts.

I clumsily rose from my bed. I couldn't go back to sleep alone in this cold room. I reached the door and turned the knob, allowing soft light from the hallway night lights to creep in and shadow over my room. I closed the door quietly behind me, and tiptoed across the hall to a room adjacent.

Rose's room.

Before opening the door, I listened for signs that she was awake. Of course, she would be asleep at two in the morning. I might've still had perfect sense of time, but I still didn't understand human sleep schedules. I gently turned the knob and slid through the door with barely a creak of the floor.

Suddenly, I was frozen in my place; Rose had moved in her sleep. Worried that she had waken up, I stayed still for, oh, it had to be three or more minutes.

Why was I in Rose's room? Not to go looking for some sort of naughty aroused human reason, obviously. I loved Rose, and I had told her so that very day, but I didn't want to lose the innocence in our relationship for any reason before marriage (if that would one day be possible). No, I had entered her room because I wanted, needed to be next to her after the dreams. If I hadn't, I'd have gone mad, and never been able to sleep again. My Rose had saved me from my guilty conscious after the Time War, in my ninth form, and hopefully just being next to her now would save me from this new, human conscious. Just the prescence of Rose had always put my hearts at ease, and I knew that it now would work double power on my single heart.

But first, I had to ask her if I could get such healing of mind from her.

"Rose?" I began to gently shake her, like a child shaking their mum after having a nightmare about monsters. "Rose, it's me."

She moved to look at me as she pulled herself from sleep, and let out a quiet groan. I wasn't offended by this, because many times before I had witnessed how much Rose loved a good rest.

"What is it, Doctor?" asked Rose, eyes squinting through the darkness.

"I, er, had a bad dream," I hesitated, suddenly feeling silly.

But Rose understood. "Oh. Wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head. "I'd rather not. But, I was wondering- could I... em, would it be okay if-"

"Come on, you old goof," Rose interjected into my stammering. She scooted away from me in her bed and pulled the blanket up. "Get in."

"Are you- are you sure?" I asked surprised.

" S'not like we haven't slept in the same bed before," Rose yawned. "And besides, I'm always comforting lil' Tony when he has nightmares. It isn't that much different."

I laughed lightly as I laid down and drew a cover over myself. "What, I'm your child to protect now?"

"Sure. I always wanted to be a mother, why not get some practice?" Rose chuckled. I didn't let myself think about her words too much; I couldn't fantasize about having kids with Rose while cuddling with her in her bed.

After a quiet minute, I spoke. "Thank you Rose. For this."

She mumbled, "No problem, Doctor. Let's get some sleep now, okay? And we better not get up too late, or mum will come in here to wake me and have a cow if she sees you."

"Alright." I said. "I-- I love you."

"I love you too." I swear I could hear her smiling.

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