~THEY Saved MY Life~

Chapter 3.

I was still around the age of 12/13. When both your friends and best friends forget you. Forget that you lived and were friends with them. These were the only few people who really knew me.  Or did they. When I look back at that year, I knew that most of them thought I was the quiet and silent girl. But I wasn't, and I'm not. I'm that friend who acts as themselves around people she loves and trusts. But perfect, I wasn't. Everyone lies sometimes, not to lose your real friends, but at the end, you still did. That was and still is the biggest mistake I ever did. Lying to keep things as they were. I learnt that now, over this previous year, that the truth will only lead to plan A of life. Once you lie, you open up another door, to another passage which might not lead to Plan A. Plan A, is the perfect life one can live. But we all opened doors to another path. The truth might start off rough, but in the end, happiness is waiting for you. 

The pain you pass through can be dealt and handled only two ways. The easy way, or the hard way. The word easy sounds like something good and the word hard, sounds like something bad. But in reality, the easy way, is the most painful way to deal with it. The easy way is to cry and hang on to the words, the physical pain and the false truth. It seems and it is the only way to deal with it. As the hard way, is to accept that after every storm, comes out a rainbow. When it's a stormy day, nobody walks through the path to find the rainbow. Everyone would stay in the house, as that's the easiest way one cannot get wet. But I learnt that... everyone would do the easiest way out, but the strong soldiers fight through the hard way.

At that time, I was one of the crowds. I would follow everyone else, as my mind did not want to open up to another path. Influence is the thing, we kids follow. Once the parents or guardians influence you, you grow up to be that girl or boy they wanted you to be. But once you open up to other things, you grow up to be the opposite of the child they wanted. As I followed the crowd to the easiest way to deal with it, I ended up ruining myself. Both mentally and physically. I would sit in bed and cry. I would try to sleep, but i couldn't. I still went to school, tried to focus, came back home, and go to my room. I got angrier and would argue with my family. I tried not to eat for some days, but that didn't work out. I tried what i never imagined I would do, because I thought it would do something like others said it would. But it didn't. I regret all this. All the pain I did to me that year still hangs on to me till today. I look at my hand and see the scars, trying to fade away but they couldn't. I still argue with my family and feel ghosted. My brothers laugh with my parents, while I'm all alone, thinking what I did wrong. How could something like that ruin someone's life, some may ask. It does ruin you. I can't explain it, but I opened up doors leading away to the Plan A path.

With my obsession, Marcus and Martinus changed my life. They changed my perspective of life. My other best friends never wanted to hear my talk about them, even though I hear them talk about things they loved. I tried to mention them, but they just ignored me. I felt like, I could never talk about things that I love. I message popped up on my phone. "Join the M&M official group on discord" This was from the twins Instagram. Without a doubt, I installed Discord and joined the group. A 1000 members joined, and you can talk about whatever you liked. They were all fans, which I felt comfortable, knowing that I could talk about Marcus and Martinus without being judged. I could listen to music with others, talk with them, and most of all help those in need. As I passed through a hard time, I wanted others to know that there are people who love them the way they are. Every day I would join the conversation, made new friends and got know in the group. I loved how as I start chatting, everyone would be happy I joined. I felt loved. I made friends, like Cheesecake girl Zoe, Dash (one of the admins) and others. Everyone came from a different perspective of life, mostly since it was an international group. They came from Sweden, Greece, France, Spain, Romania, Russia, America and much more. I only wanted to help others. Two members talked to me and I felt like I could help them. To support them. Thats all I wanted to do. Then mod applications came out, and I filled it in. I want everyone to respect everyone else, and to feel welcome & comfortable in this group. Thats what I wrote. I only wanted others to know that I am someone one can trust to talk about their problems. I saw other mods being chosen and I felt proud for my friends. I waited and gave time, till the second one opened. This time... I filled it in the second it came out... but I forgot my time zone. As I asked my mom, the form closed. I saw my best friends be mods, and I stood there doing nothing.  But then, I realised that the group closed at night, since the admins couldn't sleep. I knew that my best friend lives in America, so I stood up for her rights, since when its night for majority of people, she can't chat. Which led to an argument. Yes, it's a silly one, but I didn't know that others can't respect others' opinions. I felt, hated for starting the argument. It went for almost an hour, till everyone attacked me, even the admins themselves. I left the group. I now know that I can't talk to anyone about Marcus and Martinus, but I couldn't take it all in. It was my fault, and I know that I would be hated for it. All I wanted to do is help others, not start an argument. I blamed myself, because I lost a loved one. Going through all this in a second, was too much to take it in. I encourage other fans to join this group... but, I think it's the end for me. I think that I ruined the whole group and I hope there back to the real friendly group. I feel like, somethings aren't meant to be. And I know that I fucked up. Thats why I lost almost all my best friends which I trusted. I felt tears running down my cheek, as I was leaving behind a home that was built on love of the other fans. But... it's just how it is....

Marcus. Martinus. I'm sorry for all this. I just broke little me, once again. Mac. Tinus. What would you do?