𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄 | 𝐁.𝐄

𝟐𝟎

-𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕-

i was awoken to the sun shining on my bare face. my stomach, heavy, as i was six months in carrying me and billie's child.

well, babies.. plural.

a lot has changed in that time, but at the same time a lot didn't. only difference is that sex has been less frequent, and a lot more confusion in our relationship.

for me at least.

billie, constantly stressed trying to work, and tend to me. i felt like a burden, and i just all together felt like i was another job for her to handle.

my emotions, were completely scattered. we never mentioned that big argument again. i guess, without mentioning it, we both agreed to forget about it.

which i thought was good. until, i felt like i was digging myself into a deep dark hole. crawling out, was going to be hard. i know she wanted me to speak up, i know she wanted me to express how i felt, but it's so hard when you don't even know why you feel the way you do your damn self.

why do i compare myself to someone i knew she full heartedly didn't love as much as me? why am i still stuck on the past, and letting that effect me?

overall, i knew i was beginning to come unmotivated. music, was on the last of my mind.

i had stopped throwing up five months ago, just for it to become frequent again.

everyday.

i could feel my pregnancy hormones taking over my body. depression, coursing through my mind everyday. then, my head then began to pound. remembering the aching coughing and gagging that corded out my body last night.

my tired girlfriend, rubbing my back as her eyes fought to stay open. a simple cough, waking her up each time.

i rubbed my head in agony, wishing all of this suffering would be over. a tear, falling down my face as i laid confused trying to figure out what's wrong with me.

the wetness of my waterworks began to flood the pillow sat on our bed, as my arms wrapped around another. i then a minute later, heard my girlfriend walk through the door.

with a quick reaction, she ran to the bed with only a bra and sweatpants on. " baby, what's wrong?"

i couldn't speak. like i never do.

i then felt the warmness of her hands caress my head, face, and neck. all that could do was make more tears fall. her touch made me so emotional. considering the fact that's all she done for so many different emotional sates i've been in.

" milan.. calm down love. what's wrong? you don't feel good? is it from last night? do you need me to get you anything? water? food?..."

she began to ramble again, and i hated it. not because it was annoying, but because i knew she was nervous, or either stressed. i muttered into the sheets, " i'm fine."